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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find my ex and ask for my thousand pounds back?

37 replies

darksecret · 01/07/2012 15:53

It's that simple! We broke off an engagement five years ago, thank goodness. He was a compulsive spender and owed me 1000 pounds at the titme. I'm now married and disabled with a 10 month old DD and there are so many ways I could use the cash. In addition, and I'm probably being quite silly, I find it irritating that he never paid me back. His last words were "I'll get that money to you, I promise!" His family are quite wealthy and he has no trouble borrowing money endlessly from them for his own purposes, so he could do that if he wished.

I'm sure I could find him if I tried, though out of respect to DH I could not be the one to make contact.

But perhaps I should just say "bygones....". What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
darksecret · 01/07/2012 15:53

'the time' not 'titme'!!!

OP posts:
Treblesallround · 01/07/2012 15:54

I think you need to let it go

hermioneweasley · 01/07/2012 15:54

I think after 5 years you'll be lucky to get it, but no harm in asking

FermezLaBouche · 01/07/2012 15:55

This is what Judge Judy's for! :)
Sorry - I seriously think you should pursue it - I would. Can you prove in writing that you loaned him the money?

alphabite · 01/07/2012 15:56

It's a thousand pounds. I would definitely ask for it back. Could you write to his parents and explain you don't know where he lives anymore and could they remind him that he owes a grand?

DublinMammy · 01/07/2012 15:56

I think you've left it too long and should just forget about it.

Original poster
darksecret · 01/07/2012 15:57

No fermez I couldn't prove it. He just took some of it, actually. Apparently it was alright because he was going to pay me back...!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/07/2012 15:57

Unless you have proof you lent it to him, there's no point.

Unless you think he'd be forthcoming and admit to it?

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2012 15:57

X post

In that case, write it off.

It's not worth the mental stress.

FermezLaBouche · 01/07/2012 15:58

Ugh, that's unfortunate. In that case I think you can only ask in a friendly way but prepare to be rebuffed. Good luck! Are you in contact with him now or would it be a bit of a bolt from the blue?

perceptionreality · 01/07/2012 15:59

God, I know a man who sounds like he could be the one in the OP! I wonder if it is the same one??

If you have proof you lent him the money then you could try to get a CCJ against him - that would be the only way wouldn't it.

Never a lender or a borrower be!

Viviennemary · 01/07/2012 16:00

If I thought I would have any chance of getting the money back, then yes I would write to him. It's quite a lot of money and yanbu to want it back. It's a pity you left it so long. Don't know about appealing to his parents though. They shouldn't be responsible for his debts.

Original poster
darksecret · 01/07/2012 16:01

I haven't spoken to him since the day we split. I did accidentally invite him to be a facebook friend - no idea how that works - and he sent a friendly message in which he promised again to repay me when he could.

OP posts:
Original poster
darksecret · 01/07/2012 16:01

perception...did he come from Ireland?

OP posts:
perceptionreality · 01/07/2012 16:02

I would definitely write to his parents - why not? You would be justified in doing so in the circumstances.

perceptionreality · 01/07/2012 16:05

oh no he's not from Ireland, must be a different one - but all the facts of the story are the same!

The guy I know told me that his ex was asking for the money back because she was getting married soon - this was some time ago.

I don't know how people live with themselves or continue to justify to themselves that they shouldn't pay money that isn't theirs back!

Sparks1 · 01/07/2012 16:05

I would definitely write to his parents - why not?

Er, maybe because it has absolutely fuck all to do with them?

lovebunny · 01/07/2012 16:11

not unreasonable to want your money back - but a bit of an optimist if you think you'll get it.

Original poster
darksecret · 01/07/2012 16:16

I suppose I feel walked over when I remember it.

Probably time to let it go and just be thankful I didn't marry him.

But I should really have kept the ring...

OP posts:
wheresthepopcorn · 01/07/2012 16:21

I had a similar problem with an ex. I knew I'd never see the money again. Convenient, isn't it, that they can just 'forget'? See it as a small price to pay for not marrying the wrong bloke who has money issues.

Wheezo · 01/07/2012 16:26

Well surely the FB message is an admission he still owes the money? Does it mention the amount in the FB message? He obviously still feels guilty but is just pathetic at paying it back. I would message him again and say you're in dire straits and to have your £1000 returned to you would make a lot of difference and if he does actually intend to repay it now is the time to do it even if he has to borrow it off of someone else.

perceptionreality · 01/07/2012 16:28

It may be nothing to do with them but why shouldn't the OP try to shame him into giving it back?

Inertia · 01/07/2012 16:37

As he's sent a message promising to repay the money, and he took some of it (as in theft? fraud?) , I'd be tempted to reply along the lines of " It's great that you have agreed to start repaying this money- saves both of us the hassle of having to go through formal legal channels. You can send a cheque for £1000 to xxxx". You might want to think about what address you give him.

Paiviaso · 01/07/2012 16:57

If you can't prove it was a loan, how on earth do you expect to get it back?

Do you really expect he's going to say, "Oops sorry, paying you back had totally slipped my mind! Here's £1000!"

You sound very naive OP!

Never, ever lend money you need to see again.

Paiviaso · 01/07/2012 17:01

Just saw your drip feeding, if you do indeed have written records of him promising to pay you back, you might have something...but why on earth have you waited until now?

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