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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that many Mumsnetters have a self serving and skewed view of life

37 replies

LaWobble · 30/06/2012 22:21

Large numbers of (mainly female) mumsnetters post on a thread about their acts of physical violence in the home when angry. The tone of the thread is 'this is normal, we all lose it now and again'. However if any post mentioned a man carrying out these acts, the response would on the whole be 'domestic violence, run away to a refuge'.

Mumsnetters frequently post about their unpleasant behaviour towards their children, the response is usually 'we've all been there, you are a good mum'. However there are also multiple posts about 'narcissistic' or abusive mothers (of grown up mumsnetters), and these abusive mothers are roundly criticised and treated with little understanding.

It is a given on the relationships forum that if a man is having an affair, he has absolutely no genuine emotional connection with the OW. In fact he merely views the OW as a 'hole' to screw, and if it wasn't with her, it would be with someone else. However women frequently post that they are having EA or fully fledged affairs with someone, and their feelings are acknowledged as real and sympathy worthy (albeit unacceptable to act upon).

Women are on the whole allowed to post criticisms of mens physiques, small penis, beer belly or whatever without comeback. But if a woman posts that her partner has mentioned her less flattering features, he is an emotional abuser.

Now I am someone who has thrown things in anger, been unpleasant to my children, been cheated on, been unfaithful myself and been disappointed in a new partners physique. Because I am a real person and people are generally a mixture of pleasant / unpleasant, giving / selfish etc etc etc. But why is mumsnet normally so black and white about these everyday matters?

So AIBU to think that mumsnet would benefit from more posters who have a more rounded view of how humans behave and think, rather than a tired old stock of library responses.

OP posts:
babybarrister · 30/06/2012 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivanapoo · 30/06/2012 22:24

Ultimately it is easier to empathise with oneself than others.

Also it is in people's nature to sympathise and support - ergo often reassuring other posters.

It's also easier to blame others than ourselves.

People aren't perfect. Mumsnet isn't perfect. It is what it is. Bye then

EdithWeston · 30/06/2012 22:25

Bye.

< channels thread police. Flouncers' Corner? >

Bluestocking · 30/06/2012 22:25

Would I be being unreasonable to think that many, if not most, human beings have a self-serving and skewed view of life, and that an online forum is a place where this is inevitably going to be expressed? Wobble on.

RandomNumbers · 30/06/2012 22:27

ta ra chuck

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 30/06/2012 22:31

Anyone who says "bored of" should be taken out and made to squirt themselves in the face with a fruit shoot in each hand, and then pelted with broken biscuits until they are pocked all over, and then dressed in a polyester shell suit, sandals with argyll socks, and paraded through the streets for people to point and laugh at. HTH Grin

Snowboarder · 30/06/2012 22:35

Grin @ Pom

Seeya!

Nuttyprofessor · 30/06/2012 22:38

Absolutely agree. Unreasonable behaviour is unreasonable whoever is doing it. There should never be a different set of rules according to the sex of the perpetrator. We want equality, don't we?

Kleptronic · 30/06/2012 22:39

So AIBU to think that mumsnet would benefit from more posters who have a more rounded view of how humans behave and think, rather than a tired old stock of library responses.

Given this premise, which I'm not accepting, but I'm going with this, how do we get some?

FeakAndTheWeebleWorm · 30/06/2012 22:39

What bollocks. I too get a bit tired of 'the same old shit' being posted over and over again but I just take myself away and do something else for a little while. But I've never noticed any of the shite stuff you've alleged in your OP.

See ya then.

AnyoneForTennis · 30/06/2012 22:39

I agree too! You are right..

soozeedol · 30/06/2012 22:40

hahahahahah...isn't that the whole purpose of MN?....the diversity of everyone and the sharing of opinions and whatnot???....what were you expecting?? Confused ....

Does MN have a library of stock answers?...just incase I'm rendered unable to think and respond myself???

hmmm....???

AgentZigzag · 30/06/2012 22:43

I know what you mean, and it does come across as a bit of a double standard if you're taking MN as a tangible 'thing' you can minimize to one set of views.

But of course you're wrong because people individually post what they want, although there are some typical answers to some typical questions where anyone running against the grain is a lone voice, that doesn't mean they're not allowed to post that view.

There are lots of people who wouldn't be supportive just because it's a woman posting.

What you've said it too black and white, and MN is anything but that.

winedrip · 30/06/2012 22:43

LaWobble - I do agree with you to some extent, there does at times seem to be a fair bit of hypocrisy going on on MN, esp. wrt some issues as you have noted. Although, I have noticed that this isn't as bad lately - I have been on MN for quite a few years now. Had a break of around a year for similar reasons to you. When I returned I noticed many more threads where there are varied opinions, and different perspectives, many of which break the older more predictable MN set responses. I don't think leaving the forum particularly helps. Having more posters who offer balanced/rounded responses can only improve matters surely? Do you challenge the posts that you speak of in the threads in question?

Nagoo · 30/06/2012 22:45

People will respond to the POV of the OP, seeing as we are not a bunch of unsympathetic bastards.

I don't open many threads anymore, because I am bored of the same old shit, but the OPs of those threads don't know that we've all done it 50 thousand times.

I think MN will benefit from posters who realise that the world doesn't revolve around them, and just becuase they are bored, doesn't mean everyone else is.

PenisVanLesbian · 30/06/2012 22:46

Everyone has a self-serving and skewed view of life.

We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.

Deal with it, and try and be a bit more honest about your own biases.

Foshizzle · 30/06/2012 22:46

Actually I can see your point and can think of two current threads in particular that support it.

But

I do think your summary is simplistic. There are many threads that provide support where it is needed, without denigrating anyone else and often containing much valuable information and experience over and above the stock phrases. I actually think the sum of its parts is what makes MN valuable and provides the rounded outlook you're referring to, not necessarily just the individual threads.

winedrip · 30/06/2012 22:49

Although MN is obviously open to individuals posting as pointed out above, there is also a fair bit of bullying and unpleasantness if anyone goes against the grain of what the older or most well known posters are arguing. I have seen it so many times here. Sometimes, people are bullied simply for grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. This has always worried me about MN, it does often feel like an independent girls' high school playground. But I like it in other ways, so do stay/come back Grin

WorraLiberty · 30/06/2012 22:52

I can kind of see your point regarding the one sidedness of many threads on MN.

It does seem for example that if a woman swears at her DH it's because she's frustrated or angry.

If he swears at her it's because he's abusive.

It's nice to see that more people are tending to confront this sort of sexist/one sided attitude but I still think it has a way to go yet.

I think what irritates me more is when people make snap judgements on a very limited OP without asking any questions at all.

Fecklessdizzy · 30/06/2012 22:52

Well, I certainly do ... Next question?

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 30/06/2012 22:54

YABU to think you can judge someone's entire personality from a post on a forum...Hmm

Oh, have a Biscuit

garlicbutt · 30/06/2012 22:58

AIBU to think that mumsnet would benefit from more posters like me?

YANBU, OP. Or maybe you are. Possibly. It depends on your pov. I see where you're coming from, but then again I see where the poster who aren't like you are on about, too. Have you considered their reasons for posting what they do? Have they considered yours? I think we need to delve further.

Rounded enough forya?

garlicbutt · 30/06/2012 23:00
Brightspark1 · 30/06/2012 23:07

I think being able to rant/ vent on MN helps us to be sensible rational adults in RL. Some of us have used MN to ask (and receive) genuine support for difficult situations - just take a look at the teens thread.

AgentZigzag · 30/06/2012 23:09

'I think what irritates me more is when people make snap judgements on a very limited OP without asking any questions at all.'

The nature of MN being as it is means posters have to make a judgement on scant details the OP's decided on as important.

But it's the lack of 'maybe this is the case...?' or 'do you think this might have happened...?' in favour of a definite 'this is how it is, end of' that make it hard to discuss a posters opinion?

Like the answer is the answer, no other opinion needed.