To cancel my daughters 6th birthday party because of her bad behaviour

[Rachtoteach]

I am seriously considering doing this.

It is taking me and DH 2 hours every night to put her to bed. She comes in and out of her room continuously, disturbing her brother, and generally throwing a tantrum. I am at my wits end. We have tried taking things away, reward charts, laying with her, cd story books.... everything. We have no life in the evenings as we just have to deal with this constant battle.

She turns 6 next week and is due to have five friends round for a tea party which she is, of course, really really excited about. However... I am on the verge of cancelling it as yet another attempt to try and get my point across that her behaviour is not acceptable.

Please help! What would you do? :(

What MrsSutherland said but dds not ds in my case. Of course you can have strict bedtimes and of course you can cancel a party.

You can but that doesn't make it right.

On the bedtime thing I do agree that children need to go to bed at a reasonable time. And that it must be frustrating for the op that her dd won't stay in bed. But some punishments are way over the top and just downright cruel. Children are children - they can't be expected to behave with the same restraint as adults.

There is a difference between a birthday party and a birthday celebration. We celebrated ds's birthday and he had presents from family and birthday cake. He just didn't have a party. Lots of children don't have birthday parties and don't grow up with self esteem issues. A party definitely is not a right. Lots of people on here can't afford to have parties for their dcs. I wonder how they feel to be told that not having a party damage their dcs self esteem .

A party invitation is not just a promise of a treat to your dd: it is also a promise of a treat to the other children. And they won't understand what they have done to have their treat cancelled.

I remember my own dd being excited for weeks about being invited to her friend's house and then sobbing forlornly because the party was cancelled due to the birthday girl misbehaving. Dd's behaviour had been perfectly fine and she felt just as punished as the other girl.

So I have always been very careful to dish out punishments that actually punish the offender and nobody else. Not because I think the naughty child will end up with self esteem issues but because I think it is unfair to break a promise to another child to punish your own. Imo this is totally different from not having a party in the first place.

We have just been having this with our ds, I have made a deal with him. His bedtime is 7.30 but if he goes to bed and settles down nicely he gets to go to bed a 8 everynight. He knows if he plays up he's back to 7.30 bed time. This has worked really well (we have had the odd night where he has played up).

I didn't mean to offend, bisjo - that's my opinion. A birthday, after all is to celebrate the mere fact that you were born so I do think it's wrong not to honour that, sorry. And a party doesn't have to be an expensive affair - my youngest dd has party food and cake etc but no bouncy castle etc yet - she's too young. But the fact we are all there and she knows it's a special day is what counts.

Yes, cancel her party... if you want her to remember it and resent you for the rest of her life!

Seriously, cancel a birthday? Regardless of what else is going on birthdays are birthdays and a celebration of birth.

perception I'm not offended. I'm just surprised that some people consider that having a party is a right rather than a privilege. Mind you there are lots of things that ds's friends have that I'm sure they consider are their right to have. Personally good manners and behaviour outweighs possessions every time in my book. Ds did celebrate his birthday but only with birthday cake after school and his present. He understands that what he did was very very wrong (and very dangerous) and he won't do it again. I was fortunate that we hadn't sent out invitations at the point I cancelled or else I agree with others it would have been difficult to cancel.

Well of course good manners etc is much more important than posessions, I agree there.

I also agree that children need to understand there may be consequences for their actions and certainly need to understand when they have done someting dangerous but for me a punishment would stop short of involving the child's birthday.

Black out blinds a must, DD1 started needing a later bedtime at 6 and for most of this year.

Bath? Apparently letting them get cold after coming out triggers sleepiness - seems to calm mine down at least.

Light - we gave DD1 a bright lamp so she can read for a little in bed by herself or quietly play as long as she doesn't wake youngest.

Lavender sent is supposed to sooth and promote sleep - seemed to help when DC were very young.

Give her some one on one time once she is in bed - reading a story having a talk about the day.

If you are getting wound up - leaving her to it till your calm.

Shouting works on mine - shows I reached my limits and they are on very thin ice. Threatening to remove toys and books can work when we hit rock bottom doing it and making them earn them back. This can happens if they repeatedly get up and down for no reason.

My DD will by 7 soon and has begged for a party all year - they don't have them every year it a party or a day out. She'd be devastated if we canceled. Did threaten it when she was over excited and wouldn't let me write the invites she was an absolute angel then. I don't think I could actually do it - and the invited DC would not understand.

I agree with punishing children, but cancelling a birthday party is to me a step too far.

Maybe an idea to re-establish a bed time routine, and lots of cuddles and reassurance during the day, and when she gets up,take her back without comment.

Don't cancel the party, thats too harsh.

What has worked for me (although DD is younger at 4) is every night she is bad, she gets a warning first and then one of her favourite toys goes in the shed and she has to be good the following night to earn it back. It took until 6 toys were in the shed before she knew I meant business!!

She now goes to bed with no problems but we are now working on the 5.30am starts

YABU to cancel her party it's going way too ar and you are also being unreasonable in the way that you are dealing with her bedtime.

She's 6 it's normal for her to start testing the boundaries, why are you trying so many different things at bedtime? It will only confuse her no wonder she's misbehaving.

Simple, explain to her that when it's bedtime she must go to bed and stay in bed. Go through her normal routine bath, brush teeth, read a story, whatever you do, leave her a drink o water. Then kiss her goodnight and tell her she must stay in bed and go to sleep. If she gets up then simply tell her you are putting her back to bed now as it's sleep time, no matter how mcuh she tantrums just pop her back in bed. If she gets up again don't even speak to her or make eye contact just take her back to bed. You might have to do this 20 times but eventually she will give in and realise you are not going to communicate with her when she gets out of bed. I guarantee a week of this and you'll have a daughter that stays in bed.

Ah, just read on and see that you are heavily pregnant.

No bloody wonder she's acting up, sorry but parents like you make me really frikkin mad. So new baby is coming along and dd is getting punished and her birthday cancelled. Jeez what a way to reinforce that she going to get pushed out for the new baby.

Try what I said, trust me it will work if you stick to it. And when she stays in bed try spending some quality time with your dd and give her a bit of reassurance.

How about cancel the party due to her poor behaviour and explain that another party will be organised when she starts to play ball?

Too harsh to cancel the party She'll never forget it. And I doubt it will help at all with helping her evening routine/sleep.

Try to ignore the getting up/not sleeping and not give negative attention for it. Just put her back in bed along the lines of Jiggleballs123 (although I wouldn't go as far as not speaking, I'd just say "It's bedtime" or something similar each time). Then once she's in bed - lots of positive reinforcement. "Thank you for going to bed so nicely!"

dont cancel the party - thats too harsh

but also carry out anything you threaten or pointless

maybe playing up as baby is on its way

tbh i would use supernanny approach and keep taking back to bed without saying anything - and def wouldnt lie with her till falls asleep

maybe she really isnt tired, so allow her to stay up slightly later - not sure if you said what time she goes to bed but have generally said 6yrs need to be in bed/asleep by 7pm - maybe allow 7.30 then bed no fuss

or allow her to read in bed for 30mins or play in her room as long is quiet - but needs to be in her room rather then down stairs or she has won

if you do decide to allow her downstairs then ignore and make boring for her

Oh please don't OP . < softie.