to wish that people wouldn't put serious mental health/relationship questions in the aibu topic?

[Mintyy]

I suppose I am.

Who says Emilie? I thought this was open forum?

I think aibu is often where most people are & so post for traffic. It can also be because they are new & haven't looked round other parts of the site.
If someone seems extremely vulnerable I do suggest they ask for it to be moved & have reported too. Nothing worse than someone spilling their guts for the more forthright people to really go to town.

Who says what?

Whatever way a person who's in a desperate and distressing situation feels is the best way for them to shout for help, is fine by me emilie.

If that's going into a pub and doing it, then they should expect help IMO (although I know it's not the best way and they're more likely to be ridiculed), if they want to post on an internet forum in the 'wrong' place, no-one should deny them that help.

Yes they might get the sharp edge of a posters tongue, but any contact can sometimes be better than none at all, someone's there and they're not invisible.

It's pedantic in the extreme to try and cut off any avenue of help to someone just because it's AIBU, whatever risk you think there might be. If they're at rock bottom it's better to talk, whoever it's to, than to sit in silence and stew about how your options have run out and you've nowhere else to turn.

'Nothing worse than someone spilling their guts for the more forthright people to really go to town.'

Exactly - and that's what you might do in a pub as well...take someone gently to one side and suggest they seek help in a more appropriate place before they get into trouble.

Aibu is the only topic on Mumsnet which has to have a message from hq at the top asking for people to be civil. A lot of the combative reputation of Mumsnet comes from aibu.

Yes, people post in it when they want more traffic ... if so, why have any separate topics at all?

Is a place which has a reputation as a fight club a really good place to discuss extremely serious personal problems?

AZ I agree with you entirely on nearly all of your points.

It just upsets me to see it happen, to see these things posted in such an inappropriate place. That is the fault of AIBU for existing imo. Not the vulnerable who post there by default.

The ultra shitty threads seemed to have only stuck in your head Emilie, because I've seen some amazing support and compassion for people who are struggling, on MN.

Even if someone's being a twat, there's always one poster who doesn't take it at face value and asks them if they're OK, and for every shitty answer, there's usually 10 posters who'll tell them there's not need to post like that.

A lot of the time you are able to get from MN what you're looking for.

I haven't even read most of the threads I've noticed with these sorts of titles, AZ.
I am certain that you are right and that help is given in abundance however it is a risk and it is inappropriate, that's all.

Say the pub is occasionally filled with sympathetic trained counsellors...it's still a pub and still probably not ideal as a place to seek help on any given day.

'A lot of the time you are able to get from MN what you're looking for.'

I have to disagree with this, sorry.
But it's not on topic so I won't elaborate. I can see what you are saying.

I've only seen good advice and helpful comments on "serious" MH/Rel threads in AIBU. People do post for the traffic, and it may not be ideal since there are dedicated topics, but it's what works for some people.

I don't think it's up to you or any particular poster to say what should go where - although I appreciate you said "wish".

See I don't get this idea that you run the risk of being torn apart if you post in AIBU, so for goodness sake don't post anything about a mental health problem or a relationship problem.

If I read an OP and it is someone needing help/advice/support then I try to offer that, - doesn't matter where it is posted.
I'm always astonished when someone does post in AIBU asking for help, certain people will answer nastily, and when someone pulls them up on it they say 'Well this is AIBU' .

Does the sight of the words 'Am I being Unreasonable' cause people to lose all sense of compassion? It's nonsense, and really annoys me - read the OP and respond as one human being to another regardless of the 'category' it is posted in.

What happens in real life when someone needs help? - do people have to categorise their life into sections to know how to answer? - no they are able to act like an intelligent, sensible person. Why do they lose that ability when they come onto an internet forum?

Yes, I did say wish.

Why do we still have separate topics then?

Lets just have AIBU and Feminism & Women's Rights.

Haven't you just contradicted yourself there Kurri?

Completely agree Kurri some people use the "Well you are posting in AIBU" get out as an excuse to be a total obnoxious twat.

what kurriKurri just said, they can post where they like and i respond based on what i read on the op and their further posts.

I think it's just the way it's evolved Mintyy. There may be a minority ready to pick holes in every OP, but I don't think most mumsnetters are like that or tolerate it.

You've lost me Mintyy - how have I contradicted myself?

Kurri

"See I don't get this idea that you run the risk of being torn apart if you post in AIBU"

but

"'m always astonished when someone does post in AIBU asking for help, certain people will answer nastily, and when someone pulls them up on it they say 'Well this is AIBU' ."

Probably paraphrasing another poster here, as I have committed the cardinal sin of only reading the OP ... But I think that many of the posts are by newbies and they are seeking quick answers or were directed here by friends.

I certainly know that was the case for me as my very first contribution to MN was a thread I started on AIBU when I was utterly devastated at miscarrying at 12wk, not having a scan before during or after and the fact I miscarried after contracting chickenpox, despite being told I was immune. I must have looked like a loon, but it was all a hotchpotch of hormones and grief and I didn't even realise there was a whole plethora of talk topics on MN!

Ah - got you now, thanks for explaining, - you may have a point

But you get the general gist of my post I hope. It wasn't in any way getting at you personally btw - (apologies if it came across that way)-, as I assumed you were concerned that vulnerable people could be attacked if posting in AIBU, - so I think we're basically singing from the same hymn sheet, - just that you want to change where people post to solve the problem, I want to change people's attitude - your method is probably less doomed to failure than mine!

MN has so many topics it's ridiculous and they know that.

The most important thing imo is that the person with the problem...either a mental health one or otherwise, posts where they see fit.

This sometimes leads to MNHQ moving the thread cos someone with thread OCD has reported it and then the thread generally dies an immediate death once it's been moved.

This is just the internet...I really can't muster up an ounce of concern about where people choose to start their threads as long as they're happy.

Good point Bunnyjo - and am very sorry to hear about your miscarriage and the terrible time you had.

But in that case has aibu become bigger than mn?

If half the forum users are using it one way and the other half are using it another ... then misunderstandings and dissatisfaction will arise?

Maybe?

A long time and several NCs ago I posted about a serious relationship issue on AIBU. I was in an abusive relationship, but, as is the way of these things, I was being told by NSDH on a daily basis that everything I did or thought was wrong. So I genuinely needed to know if IWBU to be upset about some hellish treatment at the hands of my husband.

I wasn't looking for traffic, I knew exactly how straight-talking and polarised this topic can be. It made sense to me at the time to post here.

'If half the forum users are using it one way and the other half are using it another ... then misunderstandings and dissatisfaction will arise?'

Only for some of the posters some of the time, and some of the posters who aren't happy are determined to misunderstand and be dissatisfied whatever the situation.

Posters come and go in waves throughout the day, like most posters who regularly go on the mental health boards post at a certain time, if you know you're on the brink, need to talk and can't wait, you're going to go where you'll know other people will be.

There are more posters and reasons for being here than just yours OP.