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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to just curl up and go to sleep?

44 replies

NewMummy48 · 30/06/2012 15:36

DH's parents are visiting and due to be here in about 20 minutes. I was diagnosed with PND 2 days ago and I have never felt worse since taking the antidepressants yesterday, I had no sleep last night and DH said that I needed to clean the house this morning for his DP so I am tired. The antidepressants have totally taken it out of me, I don't stop crying, I'm irritable and I am so tired. AIBU to just want to go to bed and read a book and have a sleep while they are here?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/06/2012 15:39

YANBU at all.

Why didn't your DH clean the house for his parent's visit? Confused

Just tell your inlaws that you're very sorry, you're not well and you need to go and lie down.

Westcountrylovescheese · 30/06/2012 15:41

No you are NBU. Take all the time and space you need to get back on your feet.

It sounds like your DH is probably being unreasonable by continuing with plans to have his parents over when you are not well. IMO he needs to be taking more care of you.... and telling you to clean the house for his parents! Words fail me on that one...

valiumredhead · 30/06/2012 15:41

I think your DP needs to tell his parents they can't visit as his wife is ill and if he wants a clean house he should do it himself.

I would take myself off to bed and leave him to it. Tell him to tell them you are poorly.

Next appt with your GP take your DP along so he realises what you have is an illness just like if you had a broken leg the twat!

imnotmymum · 30/06/2012 15:41

Your DH said you needed to clean the house before his parents came !!!! OP do what you want to do and get the sleep you need to function (for yourself not the bloody cleaning) Thanks

AKMD · 30/06/2012 15:42

YANBU. DH told you to clean the house? Nice Hmm How old is your baby?

It might be worth getting him to go to the GP with you or to book a joint home visit with your health visitor so that they can explain what PND is and how it will affect you. I had awful PND after DS was born and it took a while for DH to realise that I really wasn't ok with visitors, or going out, or anything at all really, and that I needed a lot of understanding, patience and support. Once he got it, he was great, but until then it was very hard on both of us.

For now, how long are your ILs staying for? If it's a 20-minute pop-in visit then tell your DH that you will be going to bed for an hour as soon as they leave. If they're staying for longer than that, stay around for 5 minutes to say hello, tell them that you are exhausted and you're sure they'll understand if you go and rest while they catch up with DH and give the baby lots of cuddles, and scarper!

DanyTargaryen · 30/06/2012 16:01

Go to bed, tell DH if he wants the house tidied for his parents visit then he will have to get it done himself. IMO he should not invite them up at a time like this, can't he take baby to visit at their house?

CuriousMama · 30/06/2012 16:12

Hope the visit doesn't last too long?

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 30/06/2012 16:18

Thank you all for the advice, They are due in 5 minutes apparently and I feel a lot better about going to have a sleep now. My DH and his family are very opinionated and seem to think that PND is not an illness but something made up to make it easier for me Sad I have fighting a losing battle with them, they would go on about it for ages after if I went to sleep while they were here saying that I was rude etc. Thanks again and I'll try to look after myself a bit more.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewMummy48 · 30/06/2012 16:19

*Am fighting...

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 30/06/2012 16:21

Oh NewMummy :( your DH needs a reality check if he thinks PND makes your life easier - I am sorry you don't have the support you need x

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 30/06/2012 16:25

They live 200 miles away so I would not want DH to take DS that far away without me, I haven't been away from him since he was born and he is 9 months old. They are staying the night and DH expects me to he the 'Host' every time they are here while he has a drink but I just feel so low and totally exhausted but he just thinks that I am trying to 'Get out of seeing them' but that is not the case at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewMummy48 · 30/06/2012 16:26

*Be host, stupid iPhone Hmm

OP posts:
newmum001 · 30/06/2012 16:35

Wow his behaviour sounds very twatty! HE should have cleaned the house, HE should be playing host to HIS parents and he should be supporting you through this difficult time. What are his parents like? Do they know about the PND. With a bit of luck they will not be expecting much from you and will offer you a bit of help and suport while they're at your house. If you need to lie down then go and lie down, i can't believe your dh is being so selfish.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 30/06/2012 16:39

YANBU. He is BVVVVU, as are his parents. Show him this thread, and yes, get your GP or HV to explain PND to him if he doesn't listen/can't see the effect it has on you.

CuriousMama · 30/06/2012 16:42

Much sympathy for you I had a bout of PND and it's the pits Sad I'm so sorry your dh is being this way he sounds a right twat. Sorry to say this but he won't be helping as you need support. Talk to your HV and be very honest about the lack of support at home.

And to be blunt, fuck them!!

Fairenuff · 30/06/2012 16:52

OP don't do it.

Don't be the host.

Just look after yourself and your baby and let the adults look after themselves. If your dh doesn't like it, he can either do the hosting himself or not invite guests.

They are all being extremely selfish. Let them wallow in their own ignorance and spite.

thebackson12 · 30/06/2012 16:56

God I feel for you , your DH and his family are way out of line.

I know you're low right now and don't have the gusto , but why do you tolerate this?

I really would say to him I am ill , if I catch you or your family making nasty comments I am leaving you.and go to bed. I wouldn't let his family visit your baby with such disrespect for you either.

what nasty pieces of work.

Cherriesarelovely · 30/06/2012 17:20

Crikey, you poor thing. I had PND and it was bloody wretched. Well done for seeking help. Your DH is being completely selfish and uncaring, I am so sorry. His family sound dreadful too. You have every right to have a rest and some chill out time especially as you are feeling ill and low. I do hope that you get a break and that they leave fairly promptly. It is INCREDIBLY difficult to play host when you are feeling like this. Big hugs to you.

comedycentral · 30/06/2012 17:42

Poor you, I urge you to at least have an early night if you feel you can't escape for a nap. Hope you are OK.

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 30/06/2012 17:47

Okay his DP are here and my DH is completely ignoring me, like blatantly flat out ignoring me. I need advice before I completely end up breaking down please? Sad I feel like crying.

OP posts:
SpottyTeacakes · 30/06/2012 17:51

I would just go to bed without saying anything. Poor you Sad have you any family you can stay with? You need looking after

sallymonella · 30/06/2012 17:52

I would just go to bed if I were you. Ignoring you? Immature twat!

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 30/06/2012 17:54

I have just got in bed, there is just laughter coming from the living room. I have no family around me as they live 200 miles away and I do not have a car so I cant go and see them whenever I want.

OP posts:
SpottyTeacakes · 30/06/2012 17:56

I would arrange going to stay with them for a few weeks if I were you, with your ds, do you think that would be possible?

sallymonella · 30/06/2012 17:58

Good for you for going to bed, now ignore the laughter and try and get some sleep. Have you got earplugs? I would use them if you have. Try and clear your mind and not think about all of this, and just rest.

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