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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit freaked out by 7 yold dds 'tantrum' today?

78 replies

bejeezus · 29/06/2012 20:17

Stayed behind for school event today. Didn't see much of dd1 who was tearing round with her friends, getting face painted etc

Due to come home about 545pm, dd asked if she could go to friends house, and I said no its too late in the day....so she started to whine and cry. I tried reasoning with her, then I was short and sharp with her...she went BALLISTIC...trying to block my way, screaming and thumping me all the way down the road! I just ignored her as best I could and kept walking. I had toddler dd2 on my shoulders and she was posing quite a danger; she pushed me hard enough to make me stumble more than once

I sent her to her room to calm down when we got in-follow lots of rage filled screaming and door slamming. Then she's had a bath and some tea and now she's right as rain

WTF? anyone else experienced this? It was ad if she was possessed! And what consequence?!

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Original poster

bejeezus · 29/06/2012 22:28

annum my dad used to use the flicking tea-towel.....always did the trick!

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Original poster

bejeezus · 29/06/2012 22:30

Ok....forgot to say, she had mild ADHD. Doesn't normally affect her like this though

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hellymelly · 29/06/2012 22:31

I was going to suggest she might be coming down with something, and then I got to the end of the thread and saw that she has been sick. My dd is 7, and although she has minor tantrummy moments, only seems to have a full on tantrum when she is on the edge of a tummy bug or virus. Last time she had a biggy she was also sick the next day. (unlike my smaller dd who is 5 but still a monster tantrummer, i am hoping for tips here!)

Annunziata · 29/06/2012 22:31

Back of the knees bejeezus! Oh the stinging!

Original poster

bejeezus · 29/06/2012 22:32

Het gave= her face

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Original poster

bejeezus · 29/06/2012 22:34

OooooohhhhHhh....the STINGING!!!

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KateShmate · 29/06/2012 22:34

Agreed in the fact that I don't think its all down to less parenting smacking their children.
In a situation like a child having a total meltdown, a smack is going to escalate them further, surely. I've had my fair share of complete meltdowns with all my DD's, and I know, for sure, that me hurting them in some way would send them spiralling out of control.

Cory I used to have to restrain DD2 - she was like a wild animal. I would have to bear hug her from behind so that she couldn't kick me. This was simply because when she had a proper tantrum, she would be in such a rage that she would bite down on her own arms, head but the stone floor etc.

Original poster

bejeezus · 29/06/2012 22:35

Oh crap helly...maybe she
,is going to ne ill

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hellymelly · 29/06/2012 22:38

Kateshmate that is what my 5 year old is like sometimes, usually with a night terror/tantrum thing that she gets, but sometimes just with a major meltdown. It is terrible to watch, eventually it burns out and she is teary and vulnerable.

KateShmate · 29/06/2012 23:03

DD2 is 5 in September - a few months ago she had some of those night terror things too. She will randomly wake up and say to me that she wants mummy, I just lead her back to bed, calmly, and whisper that mummy is here etc. But she just turns - screaming around that she doesn't want me, she wants mummy. The more I reassure her, the more she spirals out of control. We never actually know whether shes awake or not.

Its horrible to watch the meltdowns where she hurts herself - she literally cannot control herself, and I just feel awful for her - hence why I have to hold her down. I just get behind her and struggle her to a sitting position where I can sit behind her and give her a bear hug; I try to rock her gently and 'Sshh'ing her to calm her down. Normally she is the kind of child that she will fall off a climbing frame, and it won't phase her - she very very rarely cries, but after these meltdowns she is beside herself, sooo embarrassed and I think a bit scared at what she's just happened.
She hasn't had a proper meltdown for quite a while, but when she has one she really goes for it - I've never seen another child like it. Its mainly that shes doing things to herself, trying to pull her hair out, biting herself, scratching herself etc. Thankfully it has been months since we've had one!

Joiningthegang · 29/06/2012 23:13

I know it has been said but there is a huge difference between a "in not getting my own way" strop and moan and hissy fit and the "meltdown" - which she has at home and nowhere else. Sometimes I think they hold everything in being good at school and then the ones they trust and love the most have the pleasure of their "pressure release".

So hard to stay calm while it's happening and easy to take things away on the spur of the moment.

Poor things - who'd be a child again???

WicketyPitch · 29/06/2012 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellymelly · 29/06/2012 23:28

Joiningthegang- my 5 year old dd's meltdowns are usually of the post-school pressure release variety, it is true. (other than the night time ones which are like a night terror and tantrum combined)

Original poster

bejeezus · 29/06/2012 23:30

Oh yes.....calm and firm

Wish I'd thought of that

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WorraLiberty · 29/06/2012 23:37

worra I don't think its the absence of smacking that had lead to decline in behaviour though.....I think it OS just a generally 'pandering to' approach

I kind of agree with that...I think it's a mixture of the two - though again I'm not condoning smacking.

There's a difference between understanding behaviour/finding possible reasons for it and 'putting up with it'.

Just because you might understand (though most of it is clutching at straws) does not mean it should go unpunished.

I get in a bitch of a mood sometimes with PMT but that does NOT give me the right to treat people like shit or be violent to them.

And the sooner that's taught to kids the better.

Original poster

bejeezus · 29/06/2012 23:41

Yep, I agree

(hard to teach them that in the middle of PMT red mist though )

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KateShmate · 29/06/2012 23:52

I am not condoning pandering in any way either - I cannot stand seeing a mother try to reason with little Tommy who is clearly walking all over his dear mother.
But at the same time, how can you teach them that violence (I assume you mean children hitting parents?) is wrong, if you are going to hit them back?

Like I said, not trying to condone any kind of pandering crap - I certainly don't faff around with my DC; but I'm pretty sure my DD2, especially, would kick right off if I told her off for hitting, and then hit her myself.

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2012 23:52

True enough

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2012 23:55

I'm not condoning it Kate I'm just pointing out that when all said and done it actually worked.

If a kid is throwing the mother of all shit fits in a supermarket for example, you can get down to eye level...reason with them...tell them that when they get home they're going on the naughty step (even though it might be an hour later and the moment has totally passed)

Or you can give them a swift smack on the bum and get on with your shopping.

It's just the way it 'was' when I was a kid and like it or not...imo it did work rather well.

Viviennemary · 30/06/2012 00:01

Yes I think those one off tantrums do happen. My DD was very stubborn and could be quite awkward as a small child but didn't usually have tantrums as such. One day I sent her to her room for a bit as she was being a pain, I went in about ten minutes later and every single item was out of every drawer and wardrobe that she could reach. Covers and sheets thrown of bed. Toys around everywhere. I was

RubyFakeNails · 30/06/2012 00:01

If I'm completey honest I would have walloped her. I don't particularly want to get into a thing about s,acting and not smacking but i was discussing this on another thread earlier.

My eldest 2 have been through this phase and my youngest is currently going through it. She just seems more prone to tantruming at the moment, however there have only been about 2 massive tantrums. I tend to isolate them in our downstairs loo until she calms down but in the street while your carrying your other dd and she is pushing you and hitting you yes I would have put the baby down and smacked her.

I've found it works, so I know it's right for my family, I'm not saying anything about what other people choose to do.

Original poster

bejeezus · 30/06/2012 00:56

If it becomes 'a phase' (pleasenopleasenopleaseno) then there WILL be serious consequences

But as it stands now, it is a one off..I would have definitely said thaty dd knows that it is not ok to hit anyone, and behave I'm such a bratty way, just because she didn't het het own way. Until this afternoon!

Wad taken completely by surprise by it, with no 'strategy'

worra I know what you ate saying about the smack around the back of the legs....still think it is not the smacking, but the in the context of how kids were raised....life was not so child-centric was it? We didn't go to any 'after school activities' (apart from fucking brownies, but that was hardly fun)....there was no 'baby signing' and wot-not. Generally kids just got dragged along with parents on whatever errands they were doing, or to sit in pub gardens, watch dad play rugby/football or play out with neighbourhood kids.

Kids KNEW that the world DIDN'T revolve around them

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Original poster

bejeezus · 30/06/2012 01:09

Hmmm...she is talking and crying in her sleep now

Think we need a good chat tomorrow, see what's going on...

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Shullbit · 30/06/2012 01:13

Not read all, but I am now feeling nervous. My DS is similar age, and not had anything other than moaning so far.

Eek. Better wrap myself up in cotton wool

NoComet · 30/06/2012 01:15

DD2 would have got a short sharp slap if she'd hit me. I doubt she would have.

She did, however throw tantrums at that age. No earthly use trying to reason with her.

She was simply sent to her room "until she wanted to be nice"

Some times I didn't see her for 10 minutes, sometimes DD1 would say where's DD2 and we'd realise she'd gone upstairs an hour ago and we were enjoying the peace.

DD2 wouldn't be in the least bothered, she'd be playing or computing.

Never bothered punishing her for exploding, it's the way she is.

She's now 11 and mostly a lot better.
She understands slightly better that the world does not revolve around her.

However, I expect she'll be a horrible teen on occasions.

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