Kosher pot-luck

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

I'm not sure I'm posting this in the right place but here goes!

If a family who keeps kosher is hosting a pot-luck dinner for a mix of Jewish and non-Jewish people, is it reasonable for them to specify only kosher food be brought into their house? I expect it is, but am interested in canvassing opinions here.

Here's the background:

We have an end-of-term parents' get-together for DD2's class coming up and one of the families has extremely kindly offered their house as the venue. Each couple has been asked to bring a starter, main or dessert for the buffet table (as you would expect for pot-luck!) and I said I would bring a seafood-based dish - I didn't know about the kosher requirements at this point.

One of our class reps then very kindly told me that the host family is kosher and therefore people are being requested not to bring meat or shellfish dishes. Absolutely no problem, I do a mean grilled asparagus and will bring that instead.

It just got me thinking though. I kind of would have thought that the family wouldn't really care what other people are eating, but it seems that they do. How would this compare with say a vegetarian family only wanting veggie dishes in their house?

the idea is that it makes their home and any plates cutlery unclean. An interesting cultural experience. Enjoy.

Their house, their rules.

if they keep kosher and are fairly observant, they won't eat/cook/serve any non kosher meat /fish/shellfish on their own plates or cutlery or serving platters as it will render them non kosher.

If a vegetarian family were hosting a party, I'd not bring meat , even if it was just for us to eat as I would feel I was being disrespectful, same as I wouldn't take pork or alcohol to a Muslim family home

it doesn't really inconvenience anyone, you can take anything veggie which gives plenty of choice

I think either scenario is fine. It depends how kosher though - I take it we're not talking about having separate dishwashers for meat and dairy here? (Is that the right separation?). That would be a bit much.

keeping kosher is not just about what you eat/don't eat, it's about your whole home, your way of life , there are also rules about not eating milk and meat together, it's not just as simple as not eating bacon or prawns

take some (kosher) fishballs Hmmmmmmmmmm (or viennas, equally Hmmmmmmmm)

Fair enough in both situations I think.

Surely the hosts want to be able to eat at the dinner they are hosting, so it is reasonable. A Jewish family will also not want non kosher food in their home.

Vegetarian food is also likely to be suitable for most dietary requirements.

I think if they have agreed to host something like a pot luck meal for a wide mix of families then it would be polite of them to provide separate cutlery and dishes so that others can have what they want. But it's their home, and I think it's ok for them to specify what their invitation includes, and if it doesn't include an invitation to bring food they are strongly against eating, then that's ultimately got to be their choice.

I also think that as a guest to a kosher household it would be very rude to take something non kosher. It seems disrespectful, and plain mean to take something that the host couldnt also enjoy.

I suppose I'm on the fence really

i would have guessed that they surely aren't that observent to offer the use of their home. if they were i would have thought they would mention it to all that are coming. fwiw i am a jew and we have EVERYTHING in our house, bacon, the lot. i am sure the lord would forgive me :D

I'm assuming paper plates and plastic cuttlery will be usde. I would assume 'no ham' etc and take something like a pasta salad with no creamy sauce.

I'm veggie and don't mind serving meat or fish, but its my choice, not a religious observance. I would have thought they would have noted and 'nonos' in the invite, as not everyone is aware of the rules beyond pork and shellfish.

I would take kosher booze too (if you are taking any). I always think its a nice touch to hunt out something the hosts can enjoy too (esp if you don't know how strict they are/are not).

i wouldn't expect non jews to know the ins and our of being kosher. most people would know a religious jew doesn't eat bacon but i wouldn't exepct anyone to know much else. i am a jew and i don't! i think it would only be disrespectful if they turned up with something obvious like bacon sarni's

Their house their rules does apply, but I think its a bit complicated than that.

I don't think its unreasonable of them as has anyone else offered for it to be their house which is used.

I think its different in regards to being a vegetarian (I'm Jewish and a veggie) in that if non kosher food is used on their plates, cutlery etc etc it 'contaminates' them and they are no longer considered kosher either.

Have they sent out actual invites/an announcement, what did it say?

Thanks everyone. I have to admit it has taken me aback a bit to realise how little I really know about kosher ways. Lulumama I didn't really know that it was about more than food!

I think on balance they are probably doing the right thing - can you imagine the host or hostess having to run around policing the use of every serving spoon or plate? Even if we had all sorts of paper/plastic, we are all a fairly relaxed bunch who know each other fairly well and I can certainly imagine the scenario, "Oh, I won't bother , I'll just borrow a serving spoon out of this drawer here for my pork meatballs" or whatever.

I have Jewish friends and am ashamed how little I know!

No, there was no invitation or announcement - it was an email from one of our class reps (not the hostess) saying "X has kindly offered her house, please sign up for a dish on the list on the classroom door". That was it. I only learned my offering was a no-go because one of the class reps realised I was intending to bring a non-kosher dish and emailed me pronto.

DH is going to be VVVVU about this though. An evening meal with no meat?

The world is going to end!

I think if I were a vegatarian then I would not have wanted any meat dishes in my house only because the meat would remind me of the once alived animals.

That makes sense and anything else is just bonkers.

It sounds reasonable to me.

I'm veggie but live with meat and fish eaters. And since I do 99.9% of the cooking, have no problems handling it either!

We don't all faint at the thought of eating a wee fluffy lambsy wamsy! In fact, most meat eaters blanche when I ask them if they have eaten rabbit, horse or liver (my childhood favourites). And when I told DS about people eating dog...!

They are not being unreasonable, IMO. As long as they give adequate warning.

Some of you mention about contamination but what if you shake hands with your guests and they have traces of just eaten meat, bacon or fish on their hands? It is possible as not everyone is washing their hands before and after eating food. Then it is also a contamination.

No, they're not being unreasonable at all. If you keep a kosher home, then you only have kosher meat in it. It would probably have been easier though if they'd said this at the outset and just specified veggie food only.

I think it can be taken to the enth-degree. I used to work with someone who felt it necessary to ask for anyone bringing him a paper cup to drink from pull three (all together) from the drink dispenser funnel and hand him all three, without toiching the rim. He would then extract the middle cup and use that. I would assume anyone opening their home up won't be so strict.

Their house, their rules.

I keep fairly kosher (milk and meat stuff separate but eat veggie cheese as well as kosher) and if I was to host this event I would certainly buy paper/plastic utensils and ask for people to bring veggie dishers only. It's too complicated to explain everything else to be honest.

It's not rude. It just makes it easier for people. If you are worried then ask to bring soft drinks or plain (non flavoured) crisps or nuts. They are safe.

I live in North Manchester, and our local B&Q sells kosher kitchens. I'm not sure on the specifics, but if they have asked for no meat/fish, then I would bring something vegetarian. Have fun at the party!