To refuse to discuss my DS's national curriculum levels with the other school playground mums.

[Blueoctopus]

So we got given reports yesterday hometime.
This morning everyone was asking each other what levels DC's had achieved. I said I was happy with DS's progress and wanted to leave it at that. I was then accused of being funny and jealous of the high achievers because I didn't want to share his levels.
Now I have several reasons for not sharing his levels the main one being I'm not interested in what other children are doing only that DS is making progress, behaving and enjoying school.

I really got the impression that this attitude was considered utterly unreasonable and that levels and target levels are the be all and end all. Is it me being unreasonable to prevent them comparing my child Or is it unreasonable of them to pressure me into sharing the information?

They're like a shower of vultures, the competitive mums, aren't they?

YADNBU

On Tuesday this week I'd taken a day off work so I could pick DS up from school. We were walking along having a chat ? I?ve worked long hours the past few weeks and really missed him so this was precious special time for us and we were having a good laugh together. A mum trotted up behind us, a bit out of puff, and said she was glad she caught us as she didn?t know what colour reading level DS was on. Seriously! She'd run down the street after us, dragging her kids behind!

?I don?t look at that? I said. She gets her son's book out of his bag and points to the band on the book ?THIS! THIS! What colour is he on?? ?Dunno?. She got quite hysterical and started gesturing towards DSs bookbag wanting me to open it up and show her his reading book so she could check what level. (She?s not a helper at school or anything like that). In the end I said ?I don?t know and I don?t care because let?s face it, they?re 6. It?s hardly going to go on their CV is it? You?ve just reminded me, I know you?re not like this?. But I do find mums who are competitive about their kids tiny early achievements a bit sad, don?t you??

Shut her up, silly mare.

Really???

I don't think I've ever, ever heard parents' discuss children's levels here. It just isn't the done thing AT ALL. Funny how different local school culture can be - this is definitely middle-class-ville, but it's never (openly) competitive.

The only people I tell are my parents - and even that feels a bit wrong.

But by the time you get to Yr 5, the children all ask each other, so it's easy to find out...

I have no problem sharing the fact that DC3 got a 1C in his writing SATS at the end of year two.

I want sympathy. And to curry favour with the pushy mums who will like me that little bit more now they know how badly my dc is doing, despite the fact that I'm a teacher myself and therefor ought to have high achieving DC's.

becstarsky. Why did you validate her question with "I don't know, I don't look at that" instead of "mind your own bloody business"?????

The rule which states you should be polite at all times can be relaxed on occasions such as this, you know.

Love this thread - OK big confession here, I lied!!! have a very competitive bunch of mums all OK but loving the grades thing, I have a DS who's below average, in grades land, way above average in lego

You know what they all KNOW what grades he's got it's perfectly clear to us all they are not as high as the little darlings grades, so I told a big fat lie, and said he got x which i knew would be a smidge higher than this particular mum asking the look on her face was priceless, and I'm still smiling now just thinking back to last year!!

The "wow, oh really" comment that came out of her mouth was so funny and sort of strangled.. Ok flame me but it's worth a laugh...

No flaming, good for you!

Floggingmolly I struggle with saying stuff like 'mind your own'! I've just about trained myself out of prefacing I say with an apology. And tbh I was just so flabbergasted. When she ran up I assumed we'd dropped something or picked up the wrong jumper or somesuch... It was so blimmin' bizarre. They are SIX! My DSis couldn't read at all at 6, and came top in her year at medical school. Whereas I could read at 2.5 and am a total underachiever. So I know how little it matters.

Yanbu
I never talked about any of mine even to shamelessly boast I think it's not on to bang on about stuff like that

yanbu

I haven't done the whole drop off/pick up thing for a WHOLE YEAR now it used to drive me insane

Infact i don't speak or know any parents at all in my middles ones year, no none in my daughters school and my other one has got a school place out of catchment so i am avoiding all this at all costs

Am so glad to read others stories and know that I'm not the only one who finds it incredibly rude. AdoraBell and Blueoctopus - your descriptions of the slightly hysterical rising voices of these women when they're just DESPERATE to know how well your DC are doing - exactly! So bizarre.

I'd probably struggle in real life too, tbh - but I'd certainly do this face - while refusing to answer!

I won't do it either

and tbh I don't think my children would be very pleased if I did!

Some of my dds are high achievers some or not, I am far more excited about the fact I can tell the teachers "knows" my child and when they have done well for themselves in some area than other. Couldn't give 2 hoots how any other child has done, actually not quite true I love hearing when dc who find academia tricky have done well (for them and/or in general).

I have known to do the "well x didn't learn to read until the end of year 1 so I'm not worried where y is at the moment."

oh and the

"As far as I''m concerned the school teaches them how to learn to read and once they've grasped it I'm happy to listen to them read at home"

ie I am not going to stress over my summer born dds learning to read in reception, life is TOO short and they get there in their own time.

I still find it odd that people will discuss grades, my DS has attended three different primary school and no one has ever discussed grades - we might say 'X is doing well' or 'Y needs a bit of extra help' but that is as far as it goes. Can hardly believe some of the things I read on Mumsnet , or perhaps I am just involved with incredibly laid back schools !

I wish they wouldn't put the bloody levels in tbh. I don't see why they can't just write comments, they can always give levels individually to the ones that are pushy enough to go in and demand them.

We get Y1 reports just before end of term. I really hope they just do comments but I fear there will be numbers because they put the EYFS levels on the Reception reports (causing a flurry of "what did x get" phone calls - luckilly none actually to me.)

I've always found that the children know exactly who is doing well, they could put the whole class in order of acheivement if you asked them. There's very rarely any surprises with levels ( well at least there shouldn't be - if there are concerns about a particular child then the parents could expect to know in advance of reports coming out.)
Personally I would never ask someone what level their child got,partly because it doesn't matter to me and partly i would assume that if they wanted me know they would tell me. Also if I ask it sounds like I'm trying to stealth boast as my kids are all pretty academic - see, even that looks like a stealthboast!

I have no idea what levels my primary aged kids are on. The school doesn't put them in the reports, they just write comments about what they have been doing in each subject and how they have been doing.

My DC must go to the wrong schools. No one has ever ever asked me (nor have I been aware of the slightest conversation about) what levels my children are on. Or what level of reading book they are on.

Feeling a bit left out now.