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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get rather passive-aggressive in this email?

34 replies

Aworryingtrend · 29/06/2012 12:48

A good friend is having her hen weekend in the next couple of months. Her bridesmaids (I know them to say hello to but they are not 'my' friends IYSWIM) sent an email round which was very dictatorial in tone, telling recipients what would be happening on the hen weekend and asking for payment by X date.

I replied to the email with a couple of questions (I live 4 hours drive away and am pregnant so just wanted to check timings/logistics) but they never replied. However, they later sent another group email to everyone chasing payment but again not replying to my questions.

As it happens my due date is now too close to the hen weekend for me to go, so I need to email them saying I can't actually go.

Other friends who are going have also said that they are not getting replies from them either- not even acknowledgemnts of receiving payments of £££!

WIBU to be incredibly passive agressive in tone given their complete non-communication other than to demand money? And if not , please can I have some suggestions for opening lines other than the dull but effective 'Despite not receiving a response from you to date, I would now like to inform you...."

OP posts:
AKMD · 29/06/2012 12:50

If you aren't going then just say so and leave it at that.

DreamingofSummer · 29/06/2012 12:50

Change the "despite" to "because" - that'll get the message across

IawnCont · 29/06/2012 12:53

I am the queen of PA.
"As I have had no reply to my earlier email, I have to inform you that I will not be unable to attend the hen weekend. Please be so good as to reply to this email so that I know you've received it."

or if I was in a particularly bad mood:

"Hi! I'm afraid I'm writing to let you know that I'll be unable to come on the hen weekend.
Also, I think there may be something wrong with your email- A few of us have emailed questions to you and not had any reply..?"

I am such a bitch.

taxiforme · 29/06/2012 12:54

Oh, the Bridesmaidzillas...

No need to mither about it.

Just email them and let them know that you cannot come as it is too near your due date and hope that they have a wonderful time and that you will be thinking of them having their spa weekend/paintballing/butlins extravaganza.

Keep a copy of the email you sent them.

If they have any decency they wil email you back wishing you well with the baby.

WinkyWinkola · 29/06/2012 12:54

I'd call them because they could always say they've not received your email and charge you anyway.

Gumby · 29/06/2012 12:56

God I'd just ring your friend, presumably the bride, and tell her why you can't attend

HeartsJandJ · 29/06/2012 12:56

What about just communicating directly with the bride if she's your friend? I would rather do that than rely on the b/maids to pass on your message.

Also, if I were the bride I think I'd like to know about my friends being harrassed for cash by a mob of snotty bridesmaids!

TheRealMrsHannigan · 29/06/2012 12:57

I don't really get why you need to be passive aggressive? Why not come out with it and say they have ignored emails from several attendee's, which is quite frankly rude considering the amount of money it is costing!

There is a time and place for PA, when someone is mugging you off and being that rude, you need to be more direct.

Original poster
Aworryingtrend · 29/06/2012 12:57

IawnCont I love both of those replies!!!

I definitely need to say that I need their confirmation they've replied, as Winky says I don't want them trying to charge me anyway. I can't call them though, I don't have their phone numbers just email addresses.

OP posts:
ThisIsAUsername · 29/06/2012 12:58

Contact the bride... your good friend, and explain to her that you won't be going and why. Tell her you are telling her directly as the bridesmaids organising the hen night aren't responding to emails from you or others.

Viviennemary · 29/06/2012 12:58

I'd leave the people who have paid and not had their payments acknowledged to sort this out themselves. And I'd just send an e-mail saying, something like terribly sorry can't manage to come to your hen night as too near my due date. Hope you all have a great time.

takingiteasy · 29/06/2012 12:58

Why be a bitch about it? Jealous are ya?

Original poster
Aworryingtrend · 29/06/2012 12:58

I have told the bride that I won't be attending and said 'I'm not sure X and Y received my emails as I haven't heard from them' but she is quite stressed about things at the moment as it is so I don't want to add to her worries.

Good point MrsHannigan, it is downright rude when the whole weekend is costing £200 (not inc spending money) I am a chicken though

OP posts:
Original poster
Aworryingtrend · 29/06/2012 12:59

Er, jealous of what Taking iteasy?! Confused

OP posts:
Gumby · 29/06/2012 12:59

Tbh I think it's rude not to tell the bride yourself that your not going

Unless it's a surprise hen thing

Original poster
Aworryingtrend · 29/06/2012 13:02

See my post of 12:58:54, I have of course told the bride I am not going, however I also feel obliged to inform the hen weekend organisers as it will affect numbers.

OP posts:
takingiteasy · 29/06/2012 13:06

Well tell them then. That's really all there is to it. It can't be easy organising a group of bitchy women who don't know each other.

That's why I asked if you're jealous. You seem to have a problem with the bridesmaids and an urge to stir up shit, were you hoping to be a bridesmaid?

ThisIsAUsername · 29/06/2012 13:08

Just send a short email saying

"I am now going to be unable to attend the hen night, as it falls too close to my babies due date. Apologies for any inconvenience caused that could have been avoided by more information being available to attendees when requested.

Hope you all have a great time.

Aworryingtrend."

JugsMcGee · 29/06/2012 13:09

Why is it suddenly too close to your due date to go, surely you knew your due date before? It is a massive pain when people start dropping out of things at the last minute, especially when it's avoidable.

Tbh I don't blame them being militant, or they'd have a load of women "committing" to going and having to pay deposits out of their own money when no one coughs up. However, it was very rude of them not to reply, that would annoy me no end.

I would just be upfront about it. "Just wanted to let you know that I can't make x's hen weekend as it is too close to my due date. Thank you for organising though, hope you all have a lovely time and looking forward to seeing pics! Please could you email me to confirm you get this email? Only I emailed you a couple of questions before and never got a response so I'm not sure if they got through. Thanks, AWT."

IawnCont · 29/06/2012 13:11

"You seem to have a problem with the bridesmaids and an urge to stir up shit, were you hoping to be a bridesmaid?"

How bloody ridiculous takingiteasy. I think you're the one out to stir up shit! OP hasn't indicated any bitchiness or jealousy. OP rightly has a problem with bridesmaids asking for money and dictating events without having the decency to answer a few questions.

IawnCont · 29/06/2012 13:12

JugsMcGee that email is ace.

takingiteasy · 29/06/2012 13:13

Oh fuck no don't send an email like username suggested. That'll make you sound sulky and pathetic. The bm's will probably have a good bitch about you to the bride!

Original poster
Aworryingtrend · 29/06/2012 13:14

Hardly the last minute, its not til September! I miscalculated the dates, I thought I would be 32/33 weeks and actually will be 35/36 and haven't had as smooth a pregnancy as initially hoped, with several episodes of bleeding.

I'm not being bitchy at all, I don't think its unreasonable to ask for a response to an email containing questions?

Anyway thanks for the (mixed!) respinses, am going to email now and ask them to confirm receipt.

OP posts:
veritythebrave · 29/06/2012 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

takingiteasy · 29/06/2012 13:16

But you don't need the answers now as you're not going...