To get rather passive-aggressive in this email?

[Aworryingtrend]

A good friend is having her hen weekend in the next couple of months. Her bridesmaids (I know them to say hello to but they are not 'my' friends IYSWIM) sent an email round which was very dictatorial in tone, telling recipients what would be happening on the hen weekend and asking for payment by X date.

I replied to the email with a couple of questions (I live 4 hours drive away and am pregnant so just wanted to check timings/logistics) but they never replied. However, they later sent another group email to everyone chasing payment but again not replying to my questions.

As it happens my due date is now too close to the hen weekend for me to go, so I need to email them saying I can't actually go.

Other friends who are going have also said that they are not getting replies from them either- not even acknowledgemnts of receiving payments of £££!

WIBU to be incredibly passive agressive in tone given their complete non-communication other than to demand money? And if not , please can I have some suggestions for opening lines other than the dull but effective 'Despite not receiving a response from you to date, I would now like to inform you...."

She isn't emailing for answers now takingiteasy, she is emailing to let them know she won't be going. Do keep up.

iawncont loving your NN

I know you've told the bride, but you could email her as well, copied to the bridesmaids. That way, all of them know, in writing, that you aren't going.

Maybe the emails are somehow not arriving with them? Spam filters or something?

I'd ask the bride for the chief bridesmaid's phone number, ring her up and explain politely that you're not sure if your email arrived. Then she can address your questions on the phone there and then.

Yeah, I get that. So why mention the missing answers when it doesn't matter a jot now she's not going?

Anyway, be as passive aggressive as you wish, it will just make you look like a twat. But do it quickly. I've been on the other side of this and had to deal with awkward whiney people dropping out and had to make up the difference rather than asking everyone else to chip in.

Oh, didn't notice she wasn't now going.

She's not being awkward for not going because her pregnancy isn't going as smoothly as she hopes, is she?!

And thank you ShutUpAndDrive :o

I think you're perfectly entitled to not go. But don't get all stroppy about some of your good friends friends' who are kindly organising a nice weekend for her. This isn't their job, they're probably finding it quite stressful to organise, and they're almost certainly very busy themselves. It's never easy asking people for money, and they probably just tried to state everything as clearly as possible.

If they're organising as a group, they probably each think someone else is replying to your mail - or they didn't see it, or they meant to reply and have forgotten. Etc.

So cut them a bit of slack, let them know you can't make it, and tell them thanks for all their work organising. And then smile at them at the wedding!

Can you tell I've organised a hen weekend and found it a fairly thankless task?!