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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want PFB sleeping in 37 year old cot?

95 replies

Mitsouko · 28/06/2012 22:12

Ok, I'll bet this has been done before many a time, but just trying to canvas opinions here. DH and I would like to take 3 month old DD to visit grandparents this summer. It's a 4 hour train journey and we don't have a car so we have to travel light. Good friend in DH's hometown has offered to let us borrow a travel cot for DD - so far so good. However, MIL is kicking up a fuss as she says this will not be necessary as she has perfectly good wicker crib and mattress that we can use. Both have been in the garage for 37 years - as they were both used by DH and his sister. She will clean the crib and air the mattress. But seriously - 37 years? Maybe the crib, but the mattress, surely not? Or am I being terribly PFB?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitsouko · 28/06/2012 22:42

Ah- thanks. Glad to know I'm just being sensible like I thought I was and not PFB. Yes, MIL (who is hard work on a good day and a bit borderline personality to be honest) has been hanging onto many of DH's baby things in anticipation of first grandchild. While that is quite sweet, I have been in the garage where stuff is stored and it is pretty dusty and damp. I don't engage in battles or arguments with MIL as I will never win, she will never think highly of me and we only see them a few times a year so it's not worth the stress. Think I will just have DH take the lead here - he's quite good at that - and say while we appreciate the offer it's not really in line with current medical advice and so we'll be borrowing travel cot. Mate will drop it off and that will spare MIL the hassle of getting all that stuff out of the garage.

We can't really spare the cash for a new mattress. Besides I don't know the crib dimensions, etc. MIL wouldn't see the point in that anyway - and wouldn't offer to replace.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 28/06/2012 22:43

Yanb PFB. You are being right.

I can understand that your mil likes the romance of the idea of seeing her baby grandchild sleep in the crib she used with her own babies. But No. It will be too manky.

TheSpokenNerd · 28/06/2012 22:43

Just arrive with your travel cot and put it up...she may usher you towards the old one...but wha's she going to do? Have a paddy if you wont use it? DOubtful.

I used an old wicker one for DD2 and bought a new organic mattress from a company on Ebay who make them to order...you send them a template of the bottom of the crib and they make it up....I also made lovely lining for ours....draped and based on a 1950s original pattern.

My sister said it was spooky! It was a tad ott but what the heck.....it was my idea of gorgeous!

Original poster
Mitsouko · 28/06/2012 22:45

And yeah - I don't know if she will fit anyway. She's 14 weeks and will be 17 at the time of proposed visit. She is a dainty thing but outgrew her Moses Basket a few weeks ago. At home we co-sleep with a Bednest - which she is rapidly outgrowing!

OP posts:
EugenesAxe · 28/06/2012 22:47

The crib is fine but I would ask them to buy a new mattress.

My slightly crazy when it comes to things her children ever touched, it seems MIL asked to have the mattress used by my DH back, when I said I'd be buying a new one to go into the 'family' Moses basket.

The buildup of CO2 in mattresses is supposed to contribute to SIDS; they've established a slightly higher risk for younger siblings.

Mindyourownbusiness · 28/06/2012 22:52

Relaxedandfine ' Twas fine until it collapsed one night '

That has got to be the funniest 'review' of an item I've ever heard.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - sorry just so funny.

Please say baby was unscathed ?

uhhhm - sorry.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 28/06/2012 22:54

I am another slovenly parent but I have bought new mattresses for all five DCs.
The SIDs mattress advice came out when DS1 was born and I went straight out and replaced DD's old one that I had kept.

I am a real second hand Rose and have bought moses baskets and buggies off ebay so not precious at all.

Tanith · 28/06/2012 23:03

My mother in law was like this. Her wicker crib was mouldy with bits of broken wicker, yet she still insisted it was fine. I refused flatly to put my baby in it.

She'd saved faded old baby nests, sailor romper suits and even DH's terry nappies - they were stained and like cardboard!

To try and appease, I put DS in one of the romper suits. DH howled with laughter when he saw it: "What the hell is that you've put him in?!!"
He shut up when I told him "Your old romper suit!" :)

You're going to have to be firm, I'm afraid :(

Yellowtip · 28/06/2012 23:03

I've had the cot my siblings and I used as babies re-painted at huge faff (it was toxic olden days paint) and the horsehair mattress cleaned at huge faff (Heal's) for my as yet unconceived and unborn grandchildren. I'll be hugely disappointed if they don't use it but I don't imagine for a moment they will. I won't get pushy because I was hugely pfb with my own (though tbf she was intensive care and a miracle survivor). It's a lovely cot though and I bet any baby would sleep like a dream.

ratspeaker · 28/06/2012 23:07

The SIDS mattress advice wouldn't have been an issue 37 years ago
-my youngest Ds would have gone into a previously used mattress but due to us having work done in the house therfore lack of space, we bought a travel cot, new. We were lucky in that way as the mattress/co/mould studies were being done around then

as an aside the "back to sleep" campaign contradicted the advice I'd been given when DD was born, up til then I'd felt guilty as they only way mine would settle was on their backs not fronts

tryingtonotfeckup · 28/06/2012 23:10

I'm not sure about the crib, MIL did the same thing with DH old crib, but she did get it all properly lined and with a new matress. Unfortunately the wicker was all scratchy and being a PFB about it I had to remove all the new lining as I was worried about him getting tangled up in it.

Lovely new travel cot is the way to go.

ratspeaker · 28/06/2012 23:11

Y'know maybe my granny was right in stating a new born only needed a drawer lined with sheets to sleep in

sayjay · 28/06/2012 23:13

So, are you buying a new mattress for the borrowed travel cot?

secretbargainhuntlover · 28/06/2012 23:18

when i was pregnant my MIL wanted to give us my OH s cot and matress that was 30 years old, i politley declined and and she went ballistic, she took the huff and things have never been the same between us since

LadyWellian · 28/06/2012 23:23

From what I remember of our travel cot you could hardly call the thing in the bottom of it a mattress, and it went in the washing machine.

We used DNiece's crib for DD (8.5 year gap) but bought a new mattress, and the crib itself had a washable cover. We passed it on to friends for their PFB (8.5 years younger than DD) though I assume they also bought a new mattress and washed the cover (though I didn't actually check!)

Having said that, DD did sleep in a Moses basket of uncertain provenance when we stayed with friends in Spain when she was about 11 weeks old, and 12 years down the line there doesn't seem to have been any lasting damage.

Original poster
Mitsouko · 28/06/2012 23:24

Hmmm, didn't think about new mattress for travel cot as it's only 2 years old and has just been used by one baby and we are only borrowing it for a few nights. Is it necessary do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitsouko · 28/06/2012 23:27

Yes, unfortunately Mil will probably go ballistic. It often happens. I try to be Zen about it.

OP posts:
MrsApplepants · 29/06/2012 00:01

I'd go with the travel cot. The 37 year old mattress will only be fit for the bin and as the cot is made of wicker it will be impossible to clean thoroughly, especially as its been stored in a garage. If it was wooden and could be washed properly or had been well covered and stored somewhere inside that was totally dry, with a new mattress, then ok. She won't like it if you refuse it though, good luck!

dappply · 29/06/2012 02:13

Buy this

item.mobileweb.ebay.co.uk/viewitem?itemId=320931671867

We've got one, expensive when new but worth every penny. If you can get a bargain, I'd bite their hand off. I travel light, don't drive, often travel just me and ds on the train and this travel
Cot folds in tiny and weighs only six pounds. It's also excellent, sturdy, until panel. And wouldn't need a new mattress cause it's an inflatable thermarest style one. We've used ours sooo much, even now when ds is 3 and it's light and small enough to even stash under buggy and take to beach etc. I'd utterly reccomwnd the investment x

jaggythistle · 29/06/2012 02:52

YANBU.

i was a bit worried about my pfb sleeping in my old cot but my mum got a brand new mattress and bedding and he was fine. (no collapsing Grin)

however they did want to give me the cloth lined wicker Moses basket thing from when we were babies and i turned it down. i think my dad had already got excited and repainted it. no idea what paint he used though. i just couldn't see me using it.

i ended up with a Samsonite pop up mini travel cot and mattress to take about in case the cot wherever i went wasn't good enough for pfb... Blush

Graciescotland · 29/06/2012 03:35

I don't think you need a new mattress for a travel cot as the bottom is hard plastic coated in foam covered in soft plastic. As it's sealed it doesn't go mouldy in the same way as a regular mattress would.

AnnaMosity · 29/06/2012 03:55

My kids all
Slept in mine at mums house. Was lovely. All still
Alive

lovebunny · 29/06/2012 03:55

say no. wicker houses bugs. and the matress would not have been made to current day standards - not to mention the fact that it will be grotty through age. take your own stuff. sometimes parents and in laws have to live with the way things are done by the younger people in their families.

mathanxiety · 29/06/2012 05:08

I would actually be wary of the travel cot. You need to find out if it has ever been recalled. A lot of newer cots and playpens have been withdrawn from the market because they have collapsed, trapped or strangled babies, wedged them between mattresses and sides, etc.

silverten · 29/06/2012 07:27

My MIL did this with an ancient travel cot. 'cool' I thought, 'travel cots are expensive and we probably wont use it much, new mattress and it'll be fine.' plus she went on and on and on about how fantastic a travel cot it was.

Turns out said wonderful cot had been damaged and repaired, badly, several times in its lifetime, so it had bits of manky thread hanging down all over the top of it. It also had a missing zip pull which made it incredibly difficult to use, this wasnt replaceable at all. The whole thing was sort of impregnated with the essence of the loft it'd languished in for thirty years, and it'd lost a wheel in MIL'S last house move ("its in a box in my garage I think") so that wasnt going to be easy to find or replace either.

I was wondering how to get out of having to spend the next few months getting the damn thing working again when I discovered I could get a an almost perfect modern one off ebay for a tenner.