OMG I know IANBU - but the CHEEK of it!!

[ModreB]

DS3 (12 yo) has a best friend, from Y1, whose DM has been through a bit of a traumatic divorce. The childs mum is now in another relationship with someone who has a bit of money. The mum and I are not friends apart from chatting in the playground etc.

We (as in me, DH, DS's and everyone else) have been as supportive as we can be. We have had DS3's friend overnight several times at short notice because the friends mum has a late "function" to go to with the newDP, he (the child) is round our house most of the days at the weekend as his mum and her newDP have "something to do" - her words, not mine.

He is a lovely kid, I don't object to this as long as it fits in with what I have planned. We have been on days out, shopping, etc etc, he feels like one of the family. But he is not my child, and I am not responsible for him.

This weekend is mine and DH's wedding anniversary and DH's birthday. We have planned to go out, just us 2 on Saturday night for our celebration. DS3 is staying over at a relative's, who is not in a position (and would not want to) look after 2 children (and I wouldn't ask her anyway).

DS3's friend, and his DM, have been told that this weekend is off limits as we are not available.

The friends mother has just rung me and asked if me and DH can change our plans to next weekend, as her and the newDP have tickets to Wimbleden on Sunday, so can DS3's friend stay over with us on Saturday, and stay all day Sunday as they want to stay over the night before until they get home!!!

The friends father is not an option as he has a traumatic brain injury and cannot look after any children at all.

I said "No, we have plans, we did tell you" She said "Oh no, I will miss the tennis"

And she is not a kid, we are both in our 40's.

IANBU am I.

Does she mean a week Sunday? That'll be men's final day

Look, you are enabling her behaviour, and in doing so, you are not really encouraging a good mother son relationship, and you are not encouraging this other mum to nurture a good relationship between her own family unit and new man.

I think you are trying to be something to this other kid that you are not, purely because you are projecting your own childhood too much on to this situation.

You need to back off. You need to say "No" more and let this woman work out how to sensitively bring her new man into her sons life, rather than keeping them separate. You are not doing any of them a favour.

Yanbu how rude of her to ask you to change your plans!

Oh, this has brought a tear to my eye. That poor boy. For some reason it made me think of Nigel Slater's autobiography, and how lonely he felt when his father remarried. :(
You, OP sound bloody lovely, and you could be the only thing this child has. The world needs more people like you.

gobsmacked at her cheek and v sad for the poor boy who seems to have been totally dumped / edged out in favour of the new man. Apart from her bloody cheek, I would also by suspicious of the veracity of her plans as, as many have pointed out, there is no tennis on Sunday. She needs to wake up and realise that she is neglecting her son. OP - you sound so lovely and I am thrilled to think this lad has you in his life. He must find such welcome, comfort and warmth in your house. Lovely person.

Right, so she has been told no, we can't have him this weekend at all. I gave no explanation, no reason, just said "No, he can't come to us this weekend" Cue a huge sigh, huffing and puffing, "Oh, what are we going to do". I said, "well, you won't miss much, as far as I know there won't be any play this Sunday anyway" She did have the grace to blush. I just turned and walked away.

I will just have to wait and see whether her DC says anything to my DS and deal with it accordingly.

Well done you for saying!

ooohhhh good one.

poor boy.

She needs to prioritise her son not her man. Shouldnt she take the son with her.

Good for you OP. Feel very sorry for this lad but glad he's got your family to hang out with.

ROFL @ 'cuntytennismum' :)

This makes me really

If he was a bit younger you would be quite justified tipping off SS and if school are supportive might be worth mentioning to them? The trouble is he's just at that borderline age where she will be able to say "He's old enough to look after himself, anyway he's with his friend's family, what's the problem?"

The problem of course is that he is being pushed out of his own family at a very vulnerable age because his mother is acting like she's 16.

OP I think you have been great to this child YANBU at all not taking him this weekend but if you get concerned or your DS tells you any more stories about this new partner lording it over child really do think about contacting school. They will decide whether to take it forward. You have no idea how often these situations escalate, especially with boys - new partners seem to feel quite threatened by teenage sons :( I've seen it a lot more than I would like to through work and it would break your heart when lovely boys suddenly lose all interest in their own lives and futures, get depressed etc :(.

Good for you modreb, cheeky mare obviously hasn't got the skills to lie convincingly so shouldn't bother. I bloody despise that huffing and puffing some people do when they don't get their own way.

My cousin was like that after her divorce. She has 3 girls, 2 teenagers and a 10 year old.
She has shared custody with her ex so the kids do one week at hers, one week at his.
On her weeks she goes out clubbing till the wee hours, leaving all three girls alone. She's also been known to call he her ex MIL a few minutes before school run to tell her to fetch her girls because she's 'busy'.

I want to know where all thr mners live who know thesecheeky gits. Also read the terriblecuntmum thread.

Are there really lots of people who are like this?

What a bitch, wonder what shes done with her poor son this weekend :(