AIBU to not respond?

[Wellthen]

So twice this week random men have spoken to me in the street and then been seemingly offended that I didnt respond. I find this habit incredibly irritating and on a par with pointless comments like 'hot enough for you?' or 'dont worry it might never happen.'

Earlier this week I was walking barefoot to my car. I was simply popping out of my flat to get something and as it was warm and dry I didnt put shoes on. A large group of men were walking the opposite way and 1 started going on at me 'oi put some shoes on! Why aint you got shoes on? Wheres your shoes!' I completely ignored him but had to pass them to get to my car. The man became more insistent saying 'hello, talking to you!' What was I sposed to say? 'Im not wearing shoes because I'm just popping to my car because I need my childrens books because Im a teacher and Im marking' ? Or alternatively 'Why the HELL DO YOU CARE?'

Today I have just passed a man whilst carrying flowers (for my TA). He asked me 3 times if they were for him which I ignored and also insisted 'hello Im talking to you, are they for me?' When I simply ignored him he said 'Oh fucking charming fucking hell.' and moaned to his friend that I had 'given him a look'. Again I just dont understand what I was meant to say. I dont believe he was interested for a second, I think he wanted to intimidate me because I am a female.

And, I have just remembered a time walking past 2 teenage girls sitting outside a shop. Another teenage girl walked past smoking. The first two shouted 'hey how old are you?' about 3 times until she finally responded '16' and walked on. The other two girls shouted back 'you look about 12!' Now I have to say she did look about 12! But what the fuck does it have to do with 2 random girls she clearly didnt know? Argh it just annoys me so much!

Am I being completely grouchy and unreasonable? Would responding get them to leave me alone? Or is shouting random things to people on the street intimidating, rude and unecessary?

YANBU. These remarks are rude and entitled, not friendly at all. You don't have to speak to anyone you don't want to. And it is a dynamic of entitlement that almost exclusively exists in terms of men shouting at women.

After racking my brain and googling, it's Dale Spender's book Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size that deals with this and the expectation that women have to smile at men as a matter of course. Interesting since quite a few posts here have described dealing with these situations by giving a 'half-smile'. Here is a blog post I found while googling that covers this ground.

And this stuff is quite different from either clumsy attempts to be friendly or just eccentricity. I once had a perfectly amicable conversation with an elderly man on the train whose opener was 'Was your father in the Merchant navy?' (he wasn't ) who was clearly just looking for someone to talk to. This is about trying to make a person perform, as someone perceptively said earlier in the thread.

Today two small kids asked me where i was going. Didnt know either of them. The second child said 'excuse me' really loudly n then asked where i was going. My answer was 'none of your business'. I had to refrain from saying you nosey bugger. I dont mind if im standing in a queue n people jus want to chit chat but wat happened to you OP was rude n uncalled for.

I am the most embarrassingly chatty person in public. I'll get yakking to anyone, anywhere. But I know the difference between friendliness between strangers and that creepy "I'll force you into intimacy on my terms with the veiled threat of humiliation or aggression if you don't dance to my tune" stuff the OP is describing.

I chat to anyone, shops, work, who cares. Only a smile and little comments, not trying to engage them in long conversations

But YANBU it's aggressive to shout out to a stranger, that you have no reason to interact with, then expect an answer.

When I've declined to talk to men on trains etc, I've had the "time of the month, is it?" sneering. I am just sitting, minding my own business, do not want to chat to a bloke who has clearly only decided to talk to me because I was an attractive girl (them were the days) by myself and I have to have my personal details aggressively suggested to me. Strangely enough, if I was with a man, this never happened. YANBU.

bad manners. they should not address you unless they have been introduced on a previous occasion. even then, they should not speak first, unless they are certain that their position in society is superior to yours.

they have no right to insist on your response. ignoring them is safer than telling them where to get off, or pointing out the error of their ways. a cold smile or stifled yawn sometimes works. make the aim to be to get away from them as soon as possible.

their approaches are not 'friendly', they are intrusive and aggressive. they assume an intimacy to which they are not entitled. at least, when someone does that, you immediately know that you are dealing with a person who cannot be relied upon to keep to any social norms and so can be on your guard.

talking to people at a bus stop is a little different. if you are both female, waiting for a bus 'together' puts you in a position to speak and gives you something to talk about. if you meet an elderly lady, she might not have spoken to anyone else that day. a conversation at the bus stop could have been her aim in leaving the house. exercise more caution with elderly men.

but, waiting for public transport does not give people 'rights' to your attention. the drunken man who thought i should be available for conversation while waiting for a train was incorrect in his assumption. the man at the bus stop who told me 'you english feminists are so warm' clearly thought that i would be available for sex because i was willing to catch a bus without the protection of a husband. wrong!

Do you think Charlie Brooker is a Mumsnetter? Look what he's been writing!

Maybe Konnie tipped him off.. One of his on-form columns, and he's absolutely right. This desire to make people 'perform' for their public is something men like the ones in the OP think they have a right to where random lone women (lone as in not in the company of a man at that precise time) are concerned.

Anyone as bullshit-allergic as Charlie Brooker ought to be a MNer in his own right, surely?

Ad foul-mouthed, too. I bet he'd be gutted if he knew he weren't the one to think up "TerribleCuntMum" on the recent Milk thread (now deleted, as the OP was outed).

YANBU. There's a difference between people being friendly, ie smiling, saying hello, to saying 'oi put some shoes on!'. Unless it was a neighbour who I knew and would happily joke around with I'd find this intimidating.

if he knew he weren't the one

What?! Good grief, what a good thing this is a name change, or I would never be able to show my face in Pedants' Corner again!

I meant "if he knew he hadn't been the one"

YANBU.

If you want to engage with strangers (especially ones that are being invasive) then you certainly don't have to!

If you DON'T want to that is...

YANBU there's nothing friendly about being intimidated into a conversation that you don't want to have!

I would have said 'ha, no' about the flowers, cos that;s just clumsy but essentially not offensive - the others I think you were quite justified in ignoring.

YABU You obviously should have blushed, smiled prettily at them whilst fluttering your eyelashes and thanked them for their attention.

OMG I am a woman, but I am one of these people that say 'Good Morning' to strangers. I never thought it would annoy anyone, I just do it to be friendly.

There is nothing wrong with saying good morning to people, that is just a friendly, polite greeting. If you shouted at a stranger across the street to put their shoes on, that is a bit different.

That isn't what this thread is about is it? Saying 'good morning'
It's about women being expected to respond to a man and then being abused if they don't.
Do you do that?