AIBU to not respond?

[Wellthen]

So twice this week random men have spoken to me in the street and then been seemingly offended that I didnt respond. I find this habit incredibly irritating and on a par with pointless comments like 'hot enough for you?' or 'dont worry it might never happen.'

Earlier this week I was walking barefoot to my car. I was simply popping out of my flat to get something and as it was warm and dry I didnt put shoes on. A large group of men were walking the opposite way and 1 started going on at me 'oi put some shoes on! Why aint you got shoes on? Wheres your shoes!' I completely ignored him but had to pass them to get to my car. The man became more insistent saying 'hello, talking to you!' What was I sposed to say? 'Im not wearing shoes because I'm just popping to my car because I need my childrens books because Im a teacher and Im marking' ? Or alternatively 'Why the HELL DO YOU CARE?'

Today I have just passed a man whilst carrying flowers (for my TA). He asked me 3 times if they were for him which I ignored and also insisted 'hello Im talking to you, are they for me?' When I simply ignored him he said 'Oh fucking charming fucking hell.' and moaned to his friend that I had 'given him a look'. Again I just dont understand what I was meant to say. I dont believe he was interested for a second, I think he wanted to intimidate me because I am a female.

And, I have just remembered a time walking past 2 teenage girls sitting outside a shop. Another teenage girl walked past smoking. The first two shouted 'hey how old are you?' about 3 times until she finally responded '16' and walked on. The other two girls shouted back 'you look about 12!' Now I have to say she did look about 12! But what the fuck does it have to do with 2 random girls she clearly didnt know? Argh it just annoys me so much!

Am I being completely grouchy and unreasonable? Would responding get them to leave me alone? Or is shouting random things to people on the street intimidating, rude and unecessary?

There is a difference between being friendly, and pestering. Some people are annoying.

YANBU.

I am very comforted! Cailin you have absolutely hit the nail on the head. I probably didnt explain it very well in my OP but the people I described in my OP were not being friendly, they were being deliberately intimidating. Yes thats just my opinion but it is based on the fact that they INSISTED I respond and also that I have almost never experienced this when the man is alone (no one to show off to) or when I am with my partner. Of course if somone smiled or struck up conversation I would respond! I dont think asking a stranger if the flowers are for you is really conversation as, well, clearly they're not.

I do see the reasoning behind 'just smile and keep walking' but the petulant part of me thinks No! Why should they feel it is ok to speak to women like this? Why is it ok to call me 'fucking charming' because I didnt speak to you? I feel if I smile back its like saying 'How funny and charming that you are shouting shite in the street'

Urgh. I had a drunk bloke sit next to me on the train and then tried to talk to me. I was 8 and a bit months pregnant and really, really couldn't be fucked with speaking to some pished arsehole. I avoided eye contact with him and used my phone. When I didn't respond he muttered something incomprehensible and then shouted "cheerio" at me sarcastically when I left.

Oops - posted without finishing. YANBU, mostly. I think one attempt to make conversation is fair enough, but if you obviously don't want to talk then they should leave it rather than keeping trying.

It does get better. Once you hit middle age.
Its fucking brilliant to be able to stroll down the street without almost constant comments.

Some blokes used to make a chucking noise. I remember screaming at one 'I am not a fucking budgie!' He was upset with me. With ME! He was chuck chucking at me as I was minding my own business in the park, following me, demanding I look at him - why?
Then got upset when I told him to fuck off.

I used to be very intimidated when I was very young. By the time I was in my mid 20s I was a mean mutha and wouldnt stand for it.

I think it has got worse. I think young girls have to put up with even more and than I did and that makes me angry.

YANBU.

I have nothing to add to all the reasons listed above, just wanted to say YANBU.

They aren't really talking to you, they're just showing off and loving the sound of their own voices like the "cheer up love" brigade. I ignore them as they aren't really talking to "me" as they aren't really seeing me, just an audience.

YANBU becuase while they might have been trying to be friendly to start with, they became rude and aggressive when you didn't reply so they weren't genuine.

Thank god those comments have stopped for me now (43yrs old). I'm not unattractive (honest guv ) but I'm mostly older that the idiots who like to intimidate women and they prefer women who are younger than they are.

You should try posting this on the feminist board, I think you'll find a different range of replies there

I once (in my younger days) threw a slice of raw bacon at an idiot who made some comment about my labia as I walked past his building site modestly dressed. I hope it gave him worms.

This is covered in Gavin de Becker's "gift of fear." Women being "nice" because we have to.

Also, I absolutely agree with Cailin. YANBU at all.

Oh dear were you the snotty bitch person who ignored me when I was trying to be friendly the other day?

Just trying to pass the time of day and make the world a better place!! Sorry!

mamaTJ are you a man? Are you a group of men?
If not, I dont understand what you are getting so pissed off about.
Do you make a habit of demanding women smile and talk to you?
Do you throw insults like 'snotty bitch' at them if they dont respond to your advances?

MammaTJ - when I'm at work I'm constantly talking to people. When I'm at home I have loud children and a husband who feels the need to tell me every passing thought. One of the few times during the day when I can stop talking to people is when I'm walking or on the bus to/from work.

If a random stranger was trying the be friendly by passing the time of day, I would ignore you and hope you would go away and leave me in peace.

You are welcome to think I'm a snotty bitch, but please don't call me that to my face. Sometimes the world is a better place with a bit less inane chitchat.

You sound very friendly MammaTJ, I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to talk to you

If you talk to someone you don't know in the street you take a risk. You don't know if that person can speak English well or if they might have a hearing problem. You don't know if they're suffering from an illness or getting over a trauma. If they don't respond that's their choice. Getting annoyed because a person you don't know didn't instantly give you their attention when you demanded it smacks of large-egoitis. Be friendly, fine, but part of being friendly is accepting that not everyone will want to engage with you.

YANBU, I cannot STAND the insistence of some people. I wear my earphones in most cases, apart from when I'm walking with my daughter or friend/companion.

I've had cases of men pulling my earphones out because I haven't acknowledged them, I've had them shout in my face, I've been tapped and touched. It's horrible considering I'm serious about personal space.

Not long back, a builder shouted (between songs, damn it so I heard it) "Might never happen, love"...response being "Already did, mate"..."Oh, what's happened"..."You started talking". Cue abuse, and my cackling with laughter.

I also HATE the clucking/clicking/whistling noises some insist on doing to garner your attention, seriously? Does that shit still work?! FUCK OFF.

I have worked hard to create the immediate impression that I'm a moody wanker, please respect that people!

YANBU

There is a difference between conversation and heckling/banter. I respond very well to the first (DS is a chubby cherubic looking boy with a mass of blonde curls and blue eyes so we get a lot of people commenting) and I ignore the second. It is not being friendly at all, its showing off, intimidation, ignoring of all basic social rules and courtesies, generally unpleasant and trying to force yourself onto someone else who is unreceptive. I wouldn't dream of bellowing at a total stranger and ignoring any attempts on their behalf that showed they were unreceptive to my overtures. They are like chuggers, but at least chuggers have the explanation that they are motivation by money.

I had one of these people try it on last year - 'Smile love, it might never happen' and then 'Come on, give us a smile. Cheer up a bit'

He was persistent, unpleasant and totally resistant to all the signs I was giving that I found him unwelcome. He only went away when I burst into tears and gave me the lovely parting shot of 'miserable bloody cow'. I was at the end of an emotionally and physically painful miscarriage and had only left the house as I needed more painkillers.

i get the "lost yer bloody tongue , luv" my reply is always, "no, i just dont shout at people i see in the street"

YANBU

It's nice to be friendly, smile at strangers, say hi to neighbours etc... but this shouting at strangers that men seem to do takes the

I often walk to the local town (2miles) instead of driving just to get the exercise. Theres a silly shop for idiot males snooker hall on the way and I've been subjected to all sorts from the idiots lurking outside. They always start off so nice with a "where you going" etc but it always seems to turn into an insult like "your not as good as you think anyway" to save face in front of their friends. It's not being friendly at all

YANBU

the examples you are giving are not "nice" or "chatty"

I love "chatting" to radom people, I hate the sort of comments you are talking about, they are demands of a certain response and if you don't give that exact response (be it flirty or bashfull and coy or whatever) you get abuse. Its nasty!

YANBU. It is NOT friendly; it is colonising and entitled and slightly threatening. One of the few assets of middle age is you don't have to put up with much of this shit anymore.

People talk to me all the time. Dunno why cause I'm covered in tattoos and piercings and always hope people will be prejudicedenough to think I'm weird and want to avoid me but they never do. I particularly attract the old dears who want to discuss why buses are late or why we always get a rubbish British summer. I just talk back and go along with it even though I hate small talk with strangers.