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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that if a stranger gave you a car...

53 replies

Spuddybean · 27/06/2012 20:29

you might say thank you at least?

I had an old car - but in very good condition and low mileage (1 previous owner, brand new tyres, serviced every year, never broken down etc). But decided we didn't need 2 cars. So was going to sell it for a couple of hundred quid.

Driving instructor said he was teaching a 'young lad' who didn't have much, still at home etc who may be interested. So 'lad' comes round (when i'm out) with DI and looks at the car and DI calls and says he loves it, but can't give me anything for it.

I think to myself ah well he's a young lad and everyone needs a helping hand etc. So i say he can have it. Give all the paperwork and keys to DI and then next day the car is gone.

Anyway, a week later after hearing no thanks, i asked DI if the 'lad' had liked the car. 'oh yes' DI says "he has already put a top of the range stereo system in it'. Um okay, i think - doesn't sound that hard up but you know what these young folk ar like with their music. So the next time i see DI i ask again. 'Oh over he moon' he says.

So about 2 weeks later after still no thank you note put thru the door i say to DI that i would expect to be thanked. DI looks shocked and says 'well you know what young people are like' and i say 'yes but even at 17 i would have thanked someone for giving me a car' and DI laughs and says 'he's not 17 he's 29!'

It turns out he is only a few years younger than me, has a better job than me and lives at home. So i think he really should know better and have developed some manners by now.

DI agrees that yes it is a 'bit off' and he will have a word. That was a month ago. Still no thanks.

So AIBU to think if a stranger gives you a car, an actual working car, regardless of value, you would at least say thank you? Or am i just painfully old fashioned and an uptight moany bitch?

I am also 31 wks preggers so maybe i am oversensitive.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 27/06/2012 20:31

Who is this Driving Instructor, spuddy??!

ObiWan · 27/06/2012 20:33

Perhaps the driving instructor kept/sold the car. Perhaps the 29 year old 'lad' did a tally pay the instructor, thinking it was for you.

I am of a cynical turn of mind though.

I wouldn't be that bothered about thanks from a stranger who'd taken an old car off my hands either though.

LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops · 27/06/2012 20:34

Yes, where did you find the driving instructor?

All sounds a bit odd. To be honest, it sounds like you might be a little bit gullible.

PizzaSlut · 27/06/2012 20:34

I'd have been over the moan, you'd have got a thank you card, bunch of flowers and a bottle of something. Obviousy not appropriate gift for you. But hopefully you'd appreciate the thought.

emsyj · 27/06/2012 20:37

I'm on the cynic bus too - I would be doing some snooping to see if (a) the 'young lad' actually did get your car and (b) he did pay for it, but the DI kept the money!

thisisyesterday · 27/06/2012 20:37

yanbu to expect him to say thank you

slightly unreasonable to give away your car to someone you don't know at all and then complain because they aren't as young/poor as you thought they were

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 27/06/2012 20:38

I too would expect a thank you but then I wouldn't be daft enough to give away hundreds of pounds worth of car.

Perhaps you can blame hormones? Confused

LineRunner · 27/06/2012 20:39

Is this guy your DI, spuddy? Or do you just know him?

EduStudent · 27/06/2012 20:39

I think I'd have to invent some reason to contact the 'lad', perhaps honk you might have lost a ring in the car or something and see how the DI reacts.

Spuddybean · 27/06/2012 20:40

a car pimp i think linerunner !

OP posts:
SoldeInvierno · 27/06/2012 20:41

Don't you have to notify the DVLA who you've sold/given this car to? In order to do this, wouldn't you have needed some details from the lad in question? how come you never met him? who arranged all this paperwork?

smoggii · 27/06/2012 20:41

Report it stolen!

Lol, just kidding.

If the story is as the DI said he's very rude but he may have passed on his thanks to the DI and thought that was enough.

rimmerfleadick · 27/06/2012 20:43

Please tell me you signed section 8 of the V5c (log book).

If the DI was not kosher on this, then you will still be down as the reg keeper with the DLVA.

You need to inform DLVA inf you did'nt.

Otherwise speeding tickets by mobile units or fixed cameras will be landing on your doormat.

Get it sorted !!!!

www.direct.gov.uk/en/motoring/buyingandsellingavehicle/registeringavehicle/dg_4022311

LineRunner · 27/06/2012 20:46

Oh spuddy

Spuddybean · 27/06/2012 20:47

Well as i say ilove the car wasn't worth much and it has a slight back story. A family friend gave it to me when i left uni and he died recently of cancer at only 50. He was very generous and i kind of thought i didn't want to make money off it iykwim.

I am not upset because they aren't as young/poor but i thought with life experience and a decent job they would have better manners. I do think my instructor mislead me slightly.

The instructor did say the 'lad' did him a lot of favours so this was a favour back. But it was not a favour from DI it was a favour from me.

I just would be happy with a thank you. I wish i'd asked for a donation to a cancer charity now but i just felt so rushed i didn't have time to think.

i'm a knob!

OP posts:
Moodykat · 27/06/2012 20:48

What about the paperwork Spuddy?

LineRunner · 27/06/2012 20:51

Well, I shall thank you 'cosmically' for your good turn, Spuddy. But you know the saying no good deed goes unpunished....? You need to check the paperwork, as other kind MNers have observed.

Hope you're feeling OK.

Spuddybean · 27/06/2012 20:52

i signed the paper work over and gave it to the DI who put the 'lad's' details in it.

It was coming up to needing tax so i had to make a decision quickly.

i just feel sad that people wouldn't be grateful.

OP posts:
WenTheEternallySurprised · 27/06/2012 20:54

You're not a knob! Don't say that about yourself! You're a very kind and generous person, be proud of yourself.

LineRunner · 27/06/2012 20:54

He should be grateful - which makes it all seem a bit odd. Maybe the DI sold it on to him, even for a small sum, so he doesn't think he needs to say thanks.

Spuddybean · 27/06/2012 20:58

And yes it is my DI as i am learning to drive, erm before the baby comes, tho that's not going to happen!

I do feel weird about having lessons with DI now. I'm scared i may burst into tears.

Maybe i should address it with him again and say i want a thank you. I would look deranged wouldn't i?

OP posts:
Spatsky · 27/06/2012 21:01

He could be an ungrateful git but, as others have said, DI might have sold it on to him and kept the cash.

Or, after "lad" said he couldn't pay, DI might have presented it to him (perhaps even non-intentionally) as if he was doing you a favour taking it off his hand e.g. tax was due, you wanted rid quickly, didnt want to scrap it etc...

That said, I have had an incident of person never acknowledging my over £100 gift to them so I realise from personal experience that people can be this ill-mannered.

Spuddybean · 27/06/2012 21:01

I kind of feel as tho i should give some money to a cancer charity as i have disrespected my friends memory in some way.

OP posts:
Spatsky · 27/06/2012 21:02

spuddy - what is the point in a thank you that has been dragged out of someone? It doesn't mean anything if it has only come about beause it's demanded does it?

ThePathanKhansWitch · 27/06/2012 21:02

Very rude, Spuddy (and you sound like a fantastic person), do you think the DI had the car and sold it??

It's very rude whatever has happened.