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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not take my children on holidays....

117 replies

nonsense0name · 27/06/2012 17:33

I can afford to go but can't justify the price, I hate flying, travelling and the sheer hassle of the whole thing, the packing, organising, being disapointed when it's not fab.

or am I robbing my kids of precious childhood memories?

we have loads of days trips and outings to the beach, park, beer garden in the summer, zoos, picnics etc etc

but I can't bring myself to part with the near £1k it costs to book a decent holiday cottage in this country or go further afield

What do you think - am I missing the point?

OP posts:

WarriorQueen · 27/06/2012 17:36

I always think like this but when I get there I feel as though its worth the effort and the money, as you are helping to create great memories with your children and also relaxing and taking time out together. Does not have to cost the earth home or abroad.

All depends on whether or not they are asking to go on hols I suppose.

Hulababy · 27/06/2012 17:42

How old are your children and why do you think you won't all enjoy it when you are there?

You can still make fab memories not going away. However, I can't imagine not wanting to go away on holiday with DH and DD - we have great holiday memories and I find it a different type of atmosphere when we are all away, and away from the humdrum of housework, work, school, etc. I am not a hiuge fan of flying but always find it worthwhile as soon as I am there.

Aribura · 27/06/2012 17:54

They should at least get to go to another country once. Not having a holiday every year though yanbu.

usualsuspect · 27/06/2012 17:57

Theres plenty of cheaper alternatives to a £1000 holiday cottage.

WenTheEternallySurprised · 27/06/2012 17:57

YANBU. There's no point in going through misery just to conform to other peoples idea of what constitutes childhood memories. Your DC clearly don't go without.

thisisyesterday · 27/06/2012 17:58

no you aren't robbing them.
everyone's childhood memories are different. you remember the things you did and the fun you had, whatever form that comes in

we didn't always have a holiday as my parents couldn't afford it. I didn't go abroad until I was in secondary school and there was a trip to Germany (that the school paid for me to go on)

we often had summers when we just did days out and I remember those with great fondness.
if you enjoy doing that, and the kids like it then there is no problem. If going away will just make you feel stressed out then you won't enjoy it, and if you're stressed and snappy with the kids they won't enjoy it either.

nannyl · 27/06/2012 18:02

Do what makes you (& DC) happy

your personal choice and isnt unreasonable

however a holiday doesnt need to cost £1000

we had a long weekend away all in for

nannyl · 27/06/2012 18:03

oh and on the journey instead of a services we stopped at ikea... got a FREE cup of tea, had a look round ikea then ikea meatballs for lunch!

RubyGates · 27/06/2012 18:04

Well obviously not, otherwise all those of us who genuinely can't afford to do so would be had up for child abuse. (Or there would be a special benefit to do it.)

angel1976 · 27/06/2012 18:07

I think it's important that kids learn about other cultures/countries etc and the best way to do this is through holiday/travel. But then again, DH and I are both from different country but we live in the UK now (where DH is from) so it's terribly important to me that my DSs go back to my home country ever so often to see family and learn about that side of their culture.

I love that even at this young age, they learn/absorb through the experiences they have and my DSs are very lucky to have been abroad loads for their age. I've always loved travelling and very comfortable going to new countries and learning about new cultures and I really hope they will be able to do that when they are older.

But I do find that yes, it is very painful initially to travel with a baby/toddler etc BUT it gets easier. The children learn what travelling involves and you get to excite them about things they see at airport etc and it GETS easier but you need to start somehow.

So I don't think you are being unreasonable (your kids, your choice) but I do hope you can reconsider when they get bigger/easier as I think travelling to another country and learning about the country as you experience it is such an amazing experience.

DisappointedHorse · 27/06/2012 18:10

There are definitely cheaper ways. I have a week in a caravan booked, in the middle of the summer holidays right on the beach for under £300. It might have fleas but I'm willing to take the risk for the price.

I love going on holiday though, even if it pisses down and the kids argue constantly.

Petsinmypudenda · 27/06/2012 18:13

My poor culture deprived children have never been abroad on holiday . I'm sure its an amazing life enhancing thing but we sadly can't afford it.

I'm hoping it wont affect them to badly in later life. Hopefully they will get good enough jobs to pay for the counselling .

Poor babies.

PooPooInMyToes · 27/06/2012 18:13

If you really can't handle the stress then fair enough. Its a shame they won't have the experience though.

Sometimes i think its worth doing something you won't enjoy for your children. There is no way that kids won't enjoy a holiday (unless they are sulky teens who would rather be elsewhere) so i think the only one being disappointed when its not fab is you rather then your kids.

Perhaps that's to do with unrealistic expectations rather then anything to do with the holiday. Kids will make the best of it and still love it and see it as an adventure whatever happens.

I didn't go on many when i was young but i remember one caravan holiday in England where it rained for the whole week. My parents were miserable that it was raining and the attitude and atmosphere rubbed off on me and my siblings and we all ended up miserable. It didn't have to be like that. We could have still had a great time! Rain in England is to be expected so if my parents had thought "it might rain but if it does we'll still enjoy ourselves" their expectations would have been different and perhaps they wouldn't have been miserable.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 27/06/2012 18:13

Clearly, it's not a choice everyone has but I do think a family holiday can be very special if you are able to afford it.

We've only ever taken the dses away in this country but we've seen some amazing places and have some great memories. Yes, the preparation can be stressful but I find we all relax in a way we wouldn't if we stayed home.

It doesn't have to cost a fortune. We camped last year which was pretty cheap and we loved it.

Squitten · 27/06/2012 18:17

Well, my family only ever took us to the same tiny town in rural Ireland every single year to visit family. I grew up to be a hopefully sane and normal individual.

We have two DSs, currently nearly 4 and 18mths old. We're going camping in Wales next week and don't plan on getting on an airplane until the kids are old enough for it not to be stressful (with the sole exception of the almost annual pilgrimage to that tiny town in rural Ireland to visit my family!) . The UK is a beautiful place and there's lots of variety to be found if you look for it.

Just remember that kids have much lower expectations of holidays than you do!

HecateHarshPants · 27/06/2012 18:22

Have you asked the children what they think?

What if they feel really sad that they never go on an actual holiday? Would that make it something you think is worthwhile?

I am not judging just thinking that how you feel about it is there, yes, but how they feel is also part of it.

I know my children love holidays. It's something really special to them and they'd feel really bad if they never had one.

otoh, if they'd never had one, they probably wouldn't because they wouldn't know what they're missing

You can get a lovely cottage for about £500. We once rented a brilliant bungalow with a pool on/in ? the black isle penninsula. That was only just over £1000. Without a pool they're far cheaper.

Perhaps sit down with your children and ask them how they feel. You may find they love the spaced out day trips and going lots of different places and wouldn't want to give it up for one week away somewhere.

Or you may find they'd dearly love to see what it's like.

YouOldSlag · 27/06/2012 18:26

My parents were broke when we were rgowing up and I still have fab memeories of caravan holidays.
YANBU- day trips can be memories too but don't rule out cheaper alternaitves to a £1000 cottage!

TheSpokenNerd · 27/06/2012 18:28

Yabu. If you can afford it of course yabu!

wheredidyoulastseeit · 27/06/2012 18:32

Try and go on holiday if you can afford it. I think other posters are right when they say keep your expectations low, as then you won't be disappointed, and whilst camping is great i think if you are easily stressed, you should avoid it at all costs. I have very fond memories of rainy days spent in caravans playing card games. Just try to be near a pool (indoor if in Britain) and you will always have fun.

Original poster

nonsense0name · 27/06/2012 18:58

Original poster here

Thanks so much for the replies... I think I do have high expectations...which can be an issue - I'll work on that :)

The reason for my post is my 7 year old DS. The others are content 2x DS and 1x DD (far too young to understand!) The 7yo knows that "all" his friends are going on holiday.

I don't think I can cope with camping, but £1k for a cottage in the summer hols is too much - other than flying (DH is keen may have to go sometime) what else can we do...let me know what you would do.

I totally agree that my DC memories are so important and I don't want them to remember that "we never went"

What do you enjoy? What is good for a novice traveller??

Thanks!!

OP posts:

AdventuresWithVoles · 27/06/2012 19:08

I'm like OP, don't care if it's U or not. The hassle is much too much.

PooPooInMyToes · 27/06/2012 19:11

Have you ever been abroad op?

Lancelottie · 27/06/2012 19:19

We've never spent as much as £1000 on a holiday (mind you, my lot are irretrievably addicted to Welsh rain).

Maybe start gently? Go somewhere for a long weekend, take loads of photos, and bingo! holiday memories all present and correct.

thisisyesterday · 27/06/2012 21:25

it really depends what you like.

we love camping, and my kids are happy running around a campsite and visiting the beach. so that's easy.

it IS stressful taking 4 kids away (i have 3, and that's an effort) especially when they're young, but presuming your have a DP/DH who can help out it needn't all fall to you to arrange.

i would maybe look at booking a holiday in easter or may half term, it won't be quite so expensive as during the summer holidays, but the kids will still get the excitement of going on holiday.

a couple of years ago I spent £600 on a cottage in Norfolk for a week which was just LOVELY! it slept 6 and we were right by the beach and we just had a really nice relaxing time.
the money does add up though, especially when there are lots of you, but if you can afford it...

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/06/2012 21:30

I would be sad if there was no way I could take my children on holiday abroad, I think they can gain so much from it. In your position, there is no way I wouldn't go on holiday, but then my family and I all love our holidays and the build up of excitement that goes with it.

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