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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask DH to swap beds with DD?

58 replies

oopslateagain · 27/06/2012 10:26

DD has been coming up with little red itchy bumps at night, my first thought was (eek!) fleas or bedbugs, as we have cats and her bed was a secondhand gift from a (very clean!) friend. But we sprayed the entire house with an insecticide, all the cats are frontlined, and the 'bites' aren't every night, she gets half a dozen or so about once every three or four nights.

Went to the doctor yesterday, he said they don't appear to be bites but also don't look like any skin condition he's aware of. He suggested that she sleep in our spare room for about a week, different bedding and my pyjamas. That will pin it down to whether it's bites or not.

After we got home, DD and I were chatting (she's 14), and it suddenly occurred to me that a quicker way of finding out for sure, is for her to sleep with me and for DH to sleep in her bed. He (like DD) is slightly allergic to bites, so if he's bitten overnight and DD isn't then we'll know for certain there's something there; if DD still comes up in the bumps and DH doesn't, then we know it's something else.

DH was out last night, got home at 9.45pm and we sort of sprung it on him. DD was already in our bed but not asleep yet. DH didn't seem too bothered but went off to bed just after 10 so I didn't get a chance to chat properly to him. He didn't look too impressed though.

My mum thinks IABU to ask him to sleep in a room where he's going to potentially get bitten as "he needs his sleep, he goes to work". My friend said her DH would hit the roof if she asked him to do this.

It just seems the quickest and easiest way to find out for sure if there actually is something biting DD, and if DH is bitten even once we will know and can do something about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Annunziata · 27/06/2012 14:55

Well it's a bit harsh on your DH but it does makes sense.

fedup2012 · 27/06/2012 14:57

Sounds like bedbugs to me - I think they bite around the midriff, and they have a 'cycle'. Kids catch all sorts of vermin and disease, but definitely don't let DP sleep in there as well or he'll spread it around.

Bedbugs aren't easily dealt with as they live in the woodwork and ... everywhere. Sorry.

fedup2012 · 27/06/2012 14:59

Taken from Wiki - Although bed bugs can live for a year without feeding,[18] they normally try to feed every five to ten days. In cold weather, bed bugs can live for about a year; at temperatures more conducive to activity and feeding, about five months.

QOD · 27/06/2012 15:02

Check the mattress seams for bed bugs

I get eaten alive and get huge hives as does dd. dh can sometimes feel a bite as it happens but no reaction,mew feel the reaction rather than the bite

Dd and I are not physically related at all, dh and dd are ... Weird!

sandything · 27/06/2012 15:08

Have you heard from him? Was he bitten?

I'm sure he'll get over it. My DH always looks a bit sad face when he's kicked out of bed for a sick kid. All part of being a dad!

oopslateagain · 27/06/2012 21:23

He wasn't bitten. Most inconsiderate of him, I was hoping for an answer! Grin

He is actually OK about sleeping in DD's room, he was a bit short last night as he was really tired and just wanted to go to bed. But tonight we had a proper chat and he wants to get to the bottom of this too.

OTOH, sleeping with DD is like sleeping with an octopus: I woke up three times because she had wrapped her entire body in the duvet and left me with no covers, one of those times I was just dropping off to sleep and she rolled over, grunted, farted, and smacked me in the mouth with her arm.

DH has just realised that DD in our bed = no sex. We may have to make up the bed in the spare room after all!

OP posts:
Jossysgiants · 27/06/2012 22:20

Put on knee length white socks and walk around in Dds room. You will soon see the fleas. . Our cats had them and my husband's task each night after a returning home from work was to don the white socks and stride around the house . Romance is now kaput. But no need for your Dh to be gnawed Op.

oopslateagain · 01/07/2012 19:58

Well DD has been in my bed for five days and yesterday morning woke up with five 'bites' on her back. DH doesn't have any. So it can't be something in her bed.

I just want to know what is causing this.

OP posts:
OhNoMyFanjo · 01/07/2012 20:03

Well I've just seen this and tbh my first thought was if it's ok for your dd to sleep there why wouldn't it be ok for your dh too?

Just seen the update so doesn't really matter and your dh will be very happy so I wouldn't expect too much sleep tonight Wink

holyfishnets · 01/07/2012 20:08

I can't see the problem with this

holyfishnets · 01/07/2012 20:09

try a different brand to front line on cats

RandomMess · 01/07/2012 20:25

Head lice?

Seriously first time I had them was on adult and it was the bites on my back that alerted me...

Ruudiluca · 01/07/2012 20:34

Hi OP, this is going to sound like a long shot but I had similar bumps/bites to your DD when I was about 12/13. Some itched like mad but others didn't. My mum went through the whole fleas, bed bugs, Mosquitos mystery but to no avail.
When I went on the pill a year later (bad periods) they disappeared. I asked my gyaenacologist (sp?) a few years ago as I was interested and she said that it was probably a hormone imbalance due to me going through puberty. I don't know if anyone else gets this but I have small spots on my upper arms and they are hormone spots. The doctor said in some cases you can get them all over your body. I don't know if this could be worth checking out?

dribbleface · 01/07/2012 20:38

Why not? Really can't see what all the fuss is about. DH would do it if it was in the best interests on the DC and if i made him!

fedup2012 · 01/07/2012 20:40

Sometimes bugs will bite children and not adults - I remember getting fleabites as a child when none of the adults did. It may be she's just brought them with her into your bed!

dribbleface · 01/07/2012 20:44

Are you sure they are bites and not hives?

oopslateagain · 01/07/2012 21:22

Ruudiluca that's interesting, thank you. I'll mention it to the doctor.

Would head lice bite the legs too though? She's had 'bites' down her ankles.

fedup you're making me itch now, thanks a bunch! Grin

I don't think they are hives, I've had hives and they looked completely different. These really do look like insect bites.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 01/07/2012 21:28

I too don't get why DH needs to sleep in her bed?

DD goes in spare bed, DH sleeps in yours. If DD isn't bitten, the issue is something in her bed.

dribbleface · 01/07/2012 21:29

Only reason i ask about hives are that mine look like bites, large and angry and leave a mark when they go

cheesesarnie · 01/07/2012 21:32

He's a grown up and didn't mind so I don't get the problem?Hmm

Did either get bitten last night?
If theres something bitey I always get bitten!
Hope you find out what it is soon though!

oopslateagain · 03/07/2012 12:39

We just got back from the doctor, we saw a different doctor who specialises in skin problems and she has confirmed it's not bugs or fleas, it's papula urticaria which is an allergy, DD is now on antihistamines, with aloe vera for the itchy bumps and savlon for the infected ones. She's very itchy! Another crop of bumps last night. Sad Apparently they can be exacerbated by overheating and sweating, which is why they seem to appear at night - DD wraps herself in her duvet like a mummy.

I'm not sure if I'm relieved it's an allergy or not - if it was bugs or fleas I could at least do something. This means DD needs to be on tablets for the foreseeable future. Sad

OP posts:
ChitChatFlyingby · 03/07/2012 13:30

I'm puzzled as to why you think you can't do anything. The base problem is still insect bites, it's just that her reaction is exacerbated as she is allergic to the insect bites. (That is if it is papula urticaria!)

oopslateagain · 03/07/2012 14:10

The doctor says it's unlikely to be fleas or bedbugs as neither DH or I have had bites, even when DH was in DD's bed, and DD still had the bumps when she was in my bed not her own. She said it could be any kind of biting insect, the bumps can take several hours to appear so DD could be bitten by a gnat or anything really during the day and the bumps come up overnight.

Cats definitely don't have fleas BTW, they all had their yearly jabs and I specifically got the vet to check for them.

OP posts:
imnotmymum · 03/07/2012 14:13

Sorry I am just laughing at the Doc saying to your DD to wear your pyjamas !! What difference would that make ??? Is he qualified ??

seeker · 03/07/2012 14:21

"Put on knee length white socks and walk around in Dds room"

Is that a solution to the dd in the bed =no sex problem? Grin