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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Growl! Men who say they want to work from home to be closer to parenting!

91 replies

TamsinTiger · 26/06/2012 20:58

Really?

That is just an excuse to their employers to spend part of their working day, when the children are at school flopping about in front of the TV or getting anal about saucepans being left out on the side and then lo and behold when their young offspring arrive home..they have to do work and off they go to their laptops..pathetic..and then when they are confronted about this they start going on about friends that they know whose wifes work just to make you feel guilty..have they no clue whatsoever that mothers at home are doing work!! the most important work..that they can not even bring themselves to attempt?

Rant not over yet...

AND I am happy to be completely unreasonable!!

OP posts:
BonnieBumble · 27/06/2012 07:23

What is the OP talking about?

Unfortunately I was educated since the introduction of GCSEs and I fear that I'm simply just not intelligent enough to decipher such a intellectually high brow post. I'll run along to the z list topic now and see if that Chantelle woman has named her baby...

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 27/06/2012 07:30

Why not go to work while he's in the sofa then you can afford a cleaner and childcare?

Cabrinha · 27/06/2012 07:39

OP, if your contribution to the household includes not working outside the home, I put it to you that perhaps you should have put the saucepan away?
What were you doing instead - lolling about in front of the TV?

FWIW, I worked from home yesterday. As frequently happens, my husband had left a mess in my full view. Frying pan actually, but I think it's comparable. I didn't have time to tidy up after him - and frankly why should I - and it was irritating being surrounded by mess.

Btw, I started at 07:00 yesterday, as I was fixing problems with the Aussie team before they finished for the day. I had no lunch, and though my chair was comfortable and I was certainly lolling on it, I didn't finish work til 18:00.

Actually, when I say I started at 07:00, obviously I'm not counting being up with my child from 05:45 first.

YABU, until you either understand what WORKING at home means - I am NOT paid to do my own housework or child care, or stop generalising and talk about ONE man.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 27/06/2012 07:42

Tamsin - you sound like you are spoiling for a fight. Go and do it with the man you started the OP about.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 27/06/2012 07:50

Oh this pleases me.

I love nonsensical, particularly combined with Hectate getting her HarshPants out.

Yay.

HecateAdonaea · 27/06/2012 07:53

HecateHarshPants.

I like it.

AmberLeaf · 27/06/2012 07:55

You're all meanies!

It was obviously a pissed off rant it even mentioned rant in the OP.

The first few responses were snippy, so no surprised the OP snipped back.

If this was posted by a 'regular' it would have been met with sympathy.

Hate this sort of crap on MN

HecateHarshPants · 27/06/2012 07:57

Excuse me! Grin First few responses? My reply was not snippy in any way. The OP had a general rant going on, I was asking if she was actually cross with a specific person. No snippyness.

And certainly not deserving of being called a thick troll.

AmberLeaf · 27/06/2012 08:04

No yours wasn't and yes she shouldn't have said that.

But if she was someone else this thread wouldve have gone differently!

HecateHarshPants · 27/06/2012 08:08

I don't think it would have, after that second post! Grin I don't think even PAGGY (official queen of mumsnet Grin ) would survive the flaming she'd get for that second post.

dear god, there'd be like a ten mile blast radius Wink

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 27/06/2012 08:10

Nah

Hecate is not harsh, she's the soul of wisdom

I myself wonder of the irony of accusing people of being stupid and then not knowing the meaning of the insult (TROLL) OP immediately started bandying about

MoreBeta · 27/06/2012 08:11

If its any help, I am a SAHD and also work from home. As it happens, I am indeed lolling in front of TV while DW takes DSs to school.

Grin
EugenesAxe · 27/06/2012 08:11

If what you say happens YANBU. My DH sounds a little similar; yesterday (he's on holiday BTW!) he stacked the dishwasher very poorly and set it off 'to get it done'. It's like he thinks cleaning and tidying is something that happens once and not continually. I then had a baby screaming for lunch while I hand washed her bowl and everything else left out.

Actually his fickle housekeeping attitude REALLY fucks me off.

DeckSwabber · 27/06/2012 08:12

I've just read this horrible thread. If my partner was like this (and I'm surmising this is a situaton close to home) I'd be pretty upset too.

Are there rules about how to express yourself on Mumsnet that mean people who digress from these rules are fair game for ridicule and condemnation?

Shame on you.

HecateHarshPants · 27/06/2012 08:15

Are there rules? Yes. It's generally frowned upon to call people stupid trolls.

AmberLeaf · 27/06/2012 08:20

It was going that way before she said that though.

It was pretty obvious she was in the midst of a rant and so was fair game for being a tad irrational.

You know if this thread was started by certain posters it wouldve been different.

I don't know why some people deny that.

Vicky2011 · 27/06/2012 08:26

I disagree Amberleaf. If the OP was talking about one man, and one homeworker she should have said so. It was the implication that all homeworkers do so to avoid both the work they are paid to do and house/family work that caused the rumpus.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/06/2012 08:52

I totally disagree.

If anyone else had posted an incoherent op someone would have questioned it as it is very hard to understand. I had very little idea who or what she was ranting about.

When asked to clarify, the op responded by calling everyone a troll and saying she would wait for someone more intelligent to come along.

As for rules on how to express yourself on mumsnet, yes there are.
It has to be coherent so people understand and if you want advice, do not call the people asking for clarification stupid trolls

And if this is about to turn into one of those whining "it's not fair, the regular posters can say what they like, no one ever flames them, it's not fair, mumsnet is bullying and cliquey" then I'm out.

AmberLeaf · 27/06/2012 08:53

Really?

Wasn't it glaringly obvious she was ranting about her DH?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/06/2012 08:58

Yes, yes it was clearly obvious that's why I asked???

The title didn't make sense, she was talking about all home workers in general.

You are allowed to ask an op for more info before giving advice you know?
Otherwise you are not going to help very much.

There are plenty of parents here who work at home, she seemed to be including the whole home working work force in her op.

zippy539 · 27/06/2012 09:00

Blimey - is it a full moon or something??? After re-reading the OP it's perfectly clear that she is complaining about her particular man who claims to homework to be 'close to parenting' but only ever locks himself away to do any work when the kids are at home. When they're not there he lounges around doing sod all. I too would find this very irritating if my partner claimed to be home-working for family reasons.

The OP was making no comment on home-workers in general.

TiggyD · 27/06/2012 09:00

You said "wifes" instead of "wives", therefore anything you've ever said or will say in the future can be ignored. We are also allowed to throw mud at your car, call you Beverly, sleep with your husband, and hit your postman with celery.

zippy539 · 27/06/2012 09:00

Oh and OP - YANBU. :)

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/06/2012 09:04

FFS.

I GIVE UP

Clearly IABU

Flame away, I'm not mumsnet royalty so it's ok.

*disclaimer- I am joking.

CurrySpice · 27/06/2012 09:12

I'm a bit puzzled why none of you can understand the OP!

I'll translate:

"My DH asked to work from home, citing that he wanted to spend more time with his kids when they came home from school.

Only it hasn't worked out like that.

All through the day when the kids are at school he seems to have time to swan about the house, watching TV and harrassing me about housework.

Then, strangely, when the kids get home (you remember - the ones he wanted to spend time with!) all of a sudden his work is mega-urgent and he cant be disturbed

When challenged, he deflectsthe criticism by implying that I should be out at work."

HTH