To ask why breatfeeding mother get free hospital food

[McHappyPants2012]

In work last week and was working on the children ward. Formula feed babies the mothers had to pay £1.50 for a meal yet breastfeeding mother was told ther is no charge.

Formula on children ward are only provided in an emergency so I don't think it's down to cost

I have never been in a hospital where the children did not get formula free. I am surprised, in fact stunned, at that because the hospital must provide food and formula is their food.

When in as an outpatient, you had to take your own, but when an inpatient, formula was provided.

I was given free meals when dd was I hospital because I was breastfeeding. I guess it was because she was the patient and I was providing her food, therefore I got fed. I also could not leave her at all (not that I'd have wanted to) and therefore I did all her care (feeding, nappies, soothing, bathing etc.) some of the other babies were bein cared for by nurses so in a sense I was saving them a few jobs by being there , so feeding me was worth it in a way I suppose?

Mrsdevere- I am so sorry to hear about the lack of care and proper nutrition that you received. Obviously your presence was vital for your dd and as such I really feel you should have been cared for and supported at such a difficult time. It's obviously about time there was a rethink about how parents are looked after when they are needed in hospital by their children.

Years ago you were not allowed to stay with your child.
You could only visit once a day or even once a week.

Then they realised that children did better with their parents staying with them.
Then parents began to take over more and more of their care.
Auxillary staff were cut back.
Nurses stopped making tea and feeding children. They didnt have the time.

Now a ward couldnt run without the parents being there. They rely on parents particularly with chronic and serious cases.

But the way that parents are treated has not kept pace with the way they are needed.

You still have to rely on the kindess and willingness of busy staff for the basics. I have been left without food for days, nothing to drink, no money, no toiletries, no medication when mine ran out.

I have had to ask for a bed to sleep on.

This on top of trying to advocate for my sick child, find her clean bedding, get her blood cross matched before its too late for a daytime transfusion, chase up meds, even find bed sides to stop her falling out during a seizure.

Even when I managed to get out and buy food there was nowhere to put it or it got stolen.

And then some dimwit who has only ever had to stop overnight usually comes out with 'well you would have to feed yourself if you were at home wouldnt you'

Yeah, but not from an overpriced takeaway. I tend to do my shopping in tescos.

Thats awful MrsDeVere. Thankfully the longest stay DS has had is 10 nights - that was bad enough but it was the fantastic care from the staff that made it bearable. How you can be treated like that when in for such a long time is just awful :(

Gosh, that sounds very hard pullupapew

I was once told by our GP when dd was a baby and had a really serious D&V bug that my BFing her was keeping her out of hospital. I guess that was quite encouraging in a way, but it was quite a worrying week with her. Nothing compared to what some go through obviously.

MrsDeVere just at reading your post, what else can I say. I had no idea how hard it was having an ill child before it happened to me, my eyes were well and truly opened. I have had people make flippant comments about not having to worry about getting no sleep in the early weeks because the nurses looked after him - a) not true and b) who wants that!???

juggling yes it was encouraging and gave me something to do but also nightmare-inducing at the thought I wouldn't perform.

Ds1 spent his first month in and out of hospital. The policy on the ward was that a parent or guardian had to be with the child 24hrs a day if possible. Everyone with a baby under 6 months (including formula feeding parents) or breastfeeding got free meals and all parents could have toast in the morning.

Its a subject that is guarenteed to get me going I am afraid.
It just sets me off.
So sorry for the highjack.

Its been 6 years so that shows how deeply it affected me.
I am NOT a moaner and not a difficult parent.

But I couldnt live on air. My health suffered a great deal in those two years. Lack of food, drink, sleep and air.
Basic needs that you suddenly dont need when you have a sick child?

I spent last night in PICU and I got tea/coffee, cakes, biscuits, crisps and cake bars at 3am (and was encouraged to take lots on a tray) and at 7am got tea and toast. And I am deffo not breast feeding!!

When DS had meningitis at 3 months DH and I both stayed in a private room with him on a children's ward. We were in for a few night I got free food and DH obviously didn't. I just assumed was to 'support' you in breastfeeding by ensuring you were eating. I guess could be as would be harder to leave though.

Also had a pump so supply not affected by DS's illness and as I was getting uncomfortable.
Hospital ward v pro breast feeding.

When my eldest was in hospital at 4 months old and I breastfed, I couldn't really leave his side at all as feeding him calmed him, and he needed to be as calm as possible. I was given lunch and tea, because it was for the 'patient' indirectly. I don't know what the rule would have been on formula (free formula for baby but no tea for me?) but had my child been on solids, then he'd have been given food.

I think its good and right, but if there is a charge for formula for a baby patient, that doesn't seem fair.

I was given formula when my DS was in hospital and got given dinner one night on the basis that he was too ill to eat it so I could have it instead. I had been there for days by that point - maybe they felt sorry for me having to eat sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner

17 years ago in a London hospital: I stayed with DS1 for a week when he was 17 days old. I was told I'd get fed as he was bf, but we were in our own room off the ward and he was a milk monster, so in practise I missed most of the meals, as A)I was stuck on the bed feeding him when the trolley came, or B) I didn't even know it was there as no one came and told me.

I'd have to make a 15-minute run to the canteen when he was asleep, queue up for my cardboard sandwich or sausage roll, then run back inevitably to find him having been left to cry, as he only ever slept for 1/2 an hour at a time. I did eventually mention to a nurse that I kept missing the trolley, thinking she might call me when it came. Next mealtime she came and slapped the plate of slop in front of me and marched out without saying a word.

The policy was all well and good, but the way it was implemented wasn't exactly supportive of bf.

I am a paeds nurse. Where I work babies are given formula, bf mums are fed. I think that's the only fair way to draw the line. Yes it's shit when you don't want to leave your child to go and get food but the NHS can't stretch to providing food for all carers/parents, hospitals are there to feed the patients not their relatives

Perhaps because by feeding the mother, they are ensuring the sick child gets decent quality/supplybreastmilk, whereas ff babies will receive consistent diet? And again in order for the child to feed, by default the mother has to be there, so it is only fair they get fed, whereas other mums can go elsewhere easier?

I think I agree with the FF fed babies parents not being fed for free, however there is a few things I would like to see change, DD has had numerous hospital admissions, thankfully the longest stay was 11 nights, so not long term, but I do know what it's like!

• Vending machines on ward. I have never left DD along on a ward, however I would probably leave her to scoot down a corridor to get a sandwich/sausage roll/drink/fruit etc. My hospital has one of these multi vending machines near the canteen, so could do them on the ward I'm sure?

-Some nurses/food ladies are serious jobsworth about giving meals to parents. I once took a cereal box + a slice of bread (had to use toaster in parents room) for DDs breakfast (she was 2.2) and I was accused of stealing food for myself and that wasn't allowed! Yes me and DD would of probably shared, but had been in since 6pm the night before, had missed dinner at home and the hospital and when I asked if there was something for DD to eat that evening one nurse just said NO and that we had missed the slot for ordering dinner! Luckily, the more stays I do in hospital, the braver I get, so I asked another nurse and she said "of course, I will go find her something!".

-Also, it would be great if FF feeding parents/parents of under 3s could order and pay for a meal from the ward trolly. Yes it's rank, but it's luke warm hot, and you don't have to leave your child. I don't mind paying (and £1.50 is very reasonable) as going to get food I just impossible. DD often has to have wires and drips etc, and could possibly just pull them out if I wasn't there, which obviously would be horrid

Hospital ds is in provides meals for bf mothers up until the baby is 6 months on the paed ward but nothing for bf mothers in nicu/scbu. They also provide formula for babies so it does seem reasonably fair. Even with the free meals I found it hard to get enough to eat. They were really awful and child sized so maybe 3 smiley faces and a tablespoon of spaghetti hoops.

Futtheshuckup
No and the NHS can't afford to provide the level of care required if the parents left the ward to attend to their own needs.
Which is why they go without.
Now this is uncomfortable for someone in overnight.
It is distressing for someone in for a few days.
But what do you think it is like for the oncology parents on your ward?
The ones who are in for weeks on end, the ones who come in for three out of every 7 days, the ones that cannot leave their child because the NHS cannot care for their children if they do?
Because a dr or hcp might just pop in without any notice, because their children are so traumatised by months of treatment they can't be left.
Because ona general ward their is unlikely to be any staff who have more than a basic knowledge of oncology.

How 'shit' do you think it is to go without proper food for months and years?

How would you fancy that whilst trying to keep you child alive?

MrsD I know entirely where you are coming from, although DS's condition is different we are on the ward for a minimum of 2 weeks every few months, sometimes we stay for up to a month.
I always come out of a hospital stay malnourished and exhausted, DS is 7 and gets fed like a king due to the nature of his illness, I on the other hand get nothing.
They used to have a parents room with toast/cereal/tea and coffee also a fridge and a microwave so I could buy some cheap food from Tesco and stock up for the weeks.
This closed because other parents were stealing other people s food out the fridge, causing all sorts of mess, smoking in the non smoking room.

So now I have the choice of leaving my son, who doesn't co operate with treatment at the best of times and shouts/fights the nurses and screams to run off and grab the slop they serve at extortionate prices at the cafe or I starve.
I could do this but the nurses are too busy to ghet his medication half the time, let alone supervise him while I go.
I'm pregnant this stay and am not in the recovery period after a hospital stay, things got so bad I ended up in A&E (after begging a HCA to watch DS while I went) because I was bleeding, dr's said it's stress induced and gave me the lecture about looking after myself. I cried from gratitude when at midnight the HCA snuck into our room with a tray of tea and a ham sandwich she got from the nurses kitchen because she could see how ill I was getting.

After paying £12 per 24hrs for the car park (and no there is no other choice but to park there) for 14 days, I couldn't afford cafe food anyway. If there was something in place allowing parents access to something either free or cheap then my life in hospital would be 100% easier.

Sorry titsalina
I didn't mean to imply its only oncology parents who have to deal with this. There are so many long term serious conditions and so many parents being treated in this way :(
It's awful for you and it's awful to think of you continuing to cope with this.
It's so telling how often the situation is dismissed with 'well NHS can't afford it' by HCP!
I prefer to think they just don't realise what is happening rather than they don't care.

titsilana and mrsdevere I am so sorry for you both and hope your children get better soon if that's not a trite thing to say.

I don't understand the mentality of treating you as ordinary visitors. I wouldn't expect to be fed / have a trolley service if I was visiting a friend but then I wouldn't expect to stay all night, keep my friend clean, feed her, ensure she was properly supervised as one of the most vulnerable patients in the hospital and provide all her comfort would I?

OMG - MrsDVere and Titsalina and others - I didn't know things were that bad for parents of ill children in hospital.

I think the line "we're here to feed the patients not the relatives" is much too simplistic. As MrsDV and Titsalina show parents are providing crucial care that often no-one else can - sometimes because the resources aren't there, sometimes as an intrinsic part of being a parent ( including BFing mothers )

There should be a parents room and a small kitchen with fridge and microwave and kettle for parents of sick children. Surely that is obvious to anyone ?
Do we need a Mumsnet campaign here ?

(Also visitors to those in hospital having long-term treatment and care shouldn't have to pay £12 a day for car-parking. That's wicked too - or at least very badly thought through. Long-term illness in the family often brings it's own financial pressures already )

This thread is illuminating and heart breaking. OF COURSE parents staying in with DC in order to support them, keep them clean, advocate for them, comfort them and help them get better should have proper, easy access to food, drink, washing etc - the basics of life. It doesn't necessarily have to be free, as most people can afford to pay for their own food, but perhaps it is cheaper and easier to give free meals to all parents rather than implement some complicated means testing. Perhaps it should be free at the point of consumption with a bill delivered at the end that only has to be paid if the parents have an income over a certain threshold? Or perhaps a voluntary contribution system could be put in place?

What's frightening is the apparent level of dependence of hospitals on parental input. What about the poor child with incompetent or incapable parents?

Think I might report my own post (as I've sometimes done before), to make sure MNHQ have seen this thread, and this part of it

I think this would be a really good thing to campaign for, as we wouldn't be asking for much, just the parents room with a few basic facilities really (which is already provided in some cases, but not all as we've heard) The possibility of providing some meals, either free or at cost price could be considered too.
And a fresh look at making what is offered fair, and helpful to all.