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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this rude or AIBU?

44 replies

canikickit · 26/06/2012 12:52

kids birthday party related I am afraid...

dd1 (7 yo) hands out her party invites in class this morning. We have decided to have a whole class party to avoid having to choose..in the park, so cheap and cheerful

6 of the boys who were sat together, came up individually and handed back the invites to me; saying they didnt want them, they didnt want to come to dds party!

WHAT?? what child refuses a party? And I think it is incredibly bad manners...no thankyous nor nuffin' Id be furious if DD had done this..there are ways to decline an invite!

DD was deflated obviously. But more confused. Sad

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 26/06/2012 12:54

They are 7 year old boys who probably don't want to go to a girls party. I can understand you being a bit shocked but don't make a big deal out of it.

Shakey1500 · 26/06/2012 12:55

:(

But, it could have been worse. they could have accepted them then just not bothered coming. A least they were honest about it, handing them back and not chucking them in the bin.

Shutupanddrive · 26/06/2012 12:56

Shock how rude!

Dropdeadfred · 26/06/2012 12:58

How do you have a party in a park?

Original poster
canikickit · 26/06/2012 12:58

Im not going to make a big deal out of it (what would I do? Confused Grin)

I just want to rant on here about it

Yeah yeah...I had considered the honesty aspect of it.....great! It doesnt excuse the rudeness of it!

I KNOW they are 7 yo...but bloody hell...honestly I would be really cross if dd did this to another child...wouldnt you?

OP posts:
Original poster
canikickit · 26/06/2012 12:58

How do you have a party in a park?

serious? Confused

OP posts:
Treblesallround · 26/06/2012 12:59

Appalling manners, they're only 7 so perhaps don't know any better, but I'd be telling their parents so they can be put straight about what to do another time

Lottapianos · 26/06/2012 13:01

YANBU. Very rude, hopefully their parents would be suitably mortified Shock If it's because they are boys and it's a girl's party, then that's downright sad Sad

A party in the park sounds lovely by the way Smile

Treblesallround · 26/06/2012 13:01

We've had some fantastic parties in parks, you take a load of kids (and parents if they want to come) to the park; let the kids play, have a big picnic, chuck all the rubbish in the bin, then go home to no mess. It only doesn't work if it rains. Otherwise I can't recomend enough!

Silbury · 26/06/2012 13:02

Parties in parks are only complete if a child turns up with a supersoaker.

DeWe · 26/06/2012 13:03

It does come across as rude, but at 7yo they probably don't have the social skills to do that tactfully.
I have had my dc not want to attend a party when it's been an activity they don't enjoy. (eg dd1 hates football, she did not want to go to a 2 hour football party even though she liked the others going). I can do that tactfully (already busy/can't make etc) but I'm not sure a 7yo would be able to generally.

As a parent I would be slightly concerned on a party in a park with a whole class. How do you keep track on them? I can find it hard enough to keep track of my own 3.

savoycabbage · 26/06/2012 13:04

How can you not have a party in a park?Confused

Dropdeadfred · 26/06/2012 13:06

Oh okay. I've genuinely not experienced a birthday party in a park. A group of us often go after school with our dcs and take snacks and drinks and blankets to sit on. I guess it's like that then? Isn't that a lot of kids to look after if all the parents leave?

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 26/06/2012 13:06

Are they not supposed to be able to decline the invitation then? They came over in person, to you not to DD, and declined. 7 year old boys are hardly famed for their social graces, so it's pretty amazing that they did this - far better to know rather than just not hear a word and then they don't turn up.
Or do you accept/decline all your DCs invitations for them, and make them go to parties they don't want to go to just because they were invited?

Original poster
canikickit · 26/06/2012 13:08

exactly savoy! Grin

its fairly enclosed, they are all 7yo (dewe im guessing at least 1 of your 3 is much younger) and there will be at least 5 adults (probably alot more)

OP posts:
dexter73 · 26/06/2012 13:11

I have to say I don't think it is rude to decline a party invitation. I actually think that it was quite polite of them to come up to you and tell you that they didn't want to come. They could have just not turned up.

Shakey1500 · 26/06/2012 13:11

They could have had a discussion like this

Boy1- Oh. An invite to a girls party
Boy2- yeah, I don't fancy it really, does anyone else?
Boy3- me either
Boy4- umm (possibly quite liking to but jumping on the bandwagon? nah I'm not going
Boy5- Nor me, I'll jusy chuck it in the bin
Boy1- no, look! her mum's over there, she'll see you!
Boy2- And?
Boy3- He's right, migt look a bit rude?
Boy4- Ok, how about we give them her back? Sort of telling her we're not coming but not being rude?
Boy5- yeah, better idea. You go first.
Boy1- No way, what shall I say??
Boy2- Dunno, she's grown up, just give it her, she'll know then
Boy3- Ok, we all gonna do it yeah?
Boy4- I guess so
Boy1- ok, I'll go first...

They possibly thought they were doing the right thing?

Shakey1500 · 26/06/2012 13:12

Apologies for typos/missing letters!

picobama · 26/06/2012 13:16

YANBU, that was so rude of them!!!

I would be horrified if my child did that. I encourage them to go just because they have been invited, but if they really, really don't want to go (talking about 11 or 12yo child here though, not a 7yo!) we would together come up with a sensitive way to decline the invitation later.

I do wonder about the effect of all the massive extravaganzas children have for their birthdays these days. We tend to keep it cheap and cheerful too, and while we've not had any problems yet, out parties do seem like not much in comparison with some others! It can't be good when a bouncy castle, entertainer, face-painting, candy floss machine and 2 pinatas is seen as a normal party.

Sorry you dd had to see that. Maybe just invite the girls next time!

Original poster
canikickit · 26/06/2012 13:18

Aahhh..shakey Grin

i hope so

they seemed quite repulsed..it didnt feel like they were trying to be polite

but, yeah maybe, now I am less insensed....i can see that

OP posts:
Original poster
canikickit · 26/06/2012 13:21

picobama I really dont think it matters whether there are entertainers/face painters/candyfloss machines etc etc...the kids never talk about what they didnt have at the party, do they?

Couple of hours screaming round the park, not eating the party food is just as good IMO/IME Smile

we will have a home made pinata though...I love watching them trying really really hard to break it [evil grin]

OP posts:
picobama · 26/06/2012 13:26

canikickit I agree a party in a park is great and I would much prefer that to a party costing a fortune. But parents can do whatever they want obviously - the fact that they want to have a party for their child is the important thing. I just meant that it could be like diminishing returns and kids think every party has to be an extravaganza if a lot of them are?

WowOoo · 26/06/2012 13:26

My 6 year old was invited to a girls party face to face.

her: Do you want to come to my party in **?
him: Oh, um no thanks. I might get bored. Bye . See you tomorrow.

Grin They are good friends and he did go. It's the way he tells them! His mind is so focussed on the game he wants to play, that he does forget his manners. Luckily the mum laughed about it.
Original poster
canikickit · 26/06/2012 13:29

picobama I am agreeing with you (not very well though) Grin

definitely too much 'stuff' provided for kids parties IMO!

OP posts:
peeriebear · 26/06/2012 13:33

Maybe they'll start to feel differently when they realise they're the only ones who have declined and everyone else looks set to have a fab party with all their classmates...

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