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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is this rude or AIBU?

44 replies

canikickit · 26/06/2012 12:52

kids birthday party related I am afraid...

dd1 (7 yo) hands out her party invites in class this morning. We have decided to have a whole class party to avoid having to choose..in the park, so cheap and cheerful

6 of the boys who were sat together, came up individually and handed back the invites to me; saying they didnt want them, they didnt want to come to dds party!

WHAT?? what child refuses a party? And I think it is incredibly bad manners...no thankyous nor nuffin' Id be furious if DD had done this..there are ways to decline an invite!

DD was deflated obviously. But more confused.

OP posts:

picobama · 26/06/2012 13:34

Oh yes. Sorry.

inchoccyheaven · 26/06/2012 13:34

I don't think they were being rude. They didn't want to go and they told you how is that rude?

Do we have to make up excuses as to why we can't go when it's just because we don't want to?

It's an invitation not a summons!

5Foot5 · 26/06/2012 13:37

peeriebear Yes but what if the party is a great success and everyone is talking about it the next day. The mum's of those six little boys may assume that they were the only ones not invited, because they didn't see the invitation, and therefore get the hump!

Original poster

canikickit · 26/06/2012 13:39

i suppose choccy heaven; i see it as a statement of not liking the child that has invited them (dd in this case)

when it is someones birthday-the party and the celebration is for them. So you make the effort to celebrate your friends birthdays dont you. And that is reciprocated

I know this is an adult slant on birthdays and celebrations...but we are supposed to be teaching them to be adults eventually

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 26/06/2012 13:41

Surely all parties are a success for kids - do they really get talked about at school afterwards?

dexter73 · 26/06/2012 13:41

I don't think you should take it that personally. You said that you invited the whole class so your dd won't be great friends with the whole class, and hopefully the ones who are her friends will come and enjoy her day with her. Some children don't like parties either and find them difficult.

Original poster

canikickit · 26/06/2012 13:41

5foot5 yes, i have also considered that the mums might think we havent invited just those 6 boys

OP posts:

Original poster

canikickit · 26/06/2012 13:43

dexter i think you are right-i am calming down now

dropdeadfred i think you are right also-once the party is over, that is the end of it

OP posts:

dexter73 · 26/06/2012 13:43

Just be glad there are 6 fewer heads to have to keep an eye on!

peeriebear · 26/06/2012 13:45

If they come and ask then you say "I gave them the invites and they handed them straight back saying they didn't want to come." Or you could give the parents a heads up, just let them know they were invited but didn't want an invite.

AdventuresWithVoles · 26/06/2012 13:46

they could have ripped up the invites in her face, laughing & mocking.
I know of incidents like that.

I hope it doesn't rain on your party, OP.

Dropdeadfred · 26/06/2012 13:46

I thi k your dd is reaching an age where the gender divide starts to rear its ugly head. It seems that most ( all be it not all by any means) boys do not want to go to a girls party and boys tend to stop inviting any girls, apart from tomboys, to their parties too. Just explain to your dd that it's not because of her personally. May d ask the teacher if the boys' invites could be put in their book bags, just so their parents can see them

Mishy1234 · 26/06/2012 13:49

Extremely rude. If either of my boys did that I would be mortified and very angry with them.

A party in the park sounds great btw.

TubbyDuffs · 26/06/2012 13:55

I think its pretty nasty of a group of boys to turn it down like that. I'm sorry, but I would be offended on behalf of my child.

I have a 7 year old boy and a lot of the parties that are organised are class parties, and the invitation usually goes in their bag at the end of the day to their parent.

If one boy had come up to you and said, no thanks or I can't make it that day, it wouldn't have appeared so mean, but to group together smacks of nastiness on the part of the boys involved.

I would be pissed off at my child if he did this, and at 7 he does know when he's being mean or impolite.

Original poster

canikickit · 26/06/2012 13:59

tubby yes, the fact that the group did it-1 by 1, did feel mean

I can rationalise it, but like you said-i wouldnt find that behaviour acceptable of MY dc

OP posts:

inchoccyheaven · 27/06/2012 00:28

I can see what you mean canilickit but I doubt it was a reflection on your child as to why they didn't want to go. Both my DC have refused to go to parties in the past even though they have liked the birthday child, because they haven't liked the activity.
I certainly wouldn't make them go to something that is supposed to be fun for all if they weren't going to enjoy it.

Better your daughter has people there that genuinely want to be there. Hope she has a great time :)

jollyrancher · 27/06/2012 01:14

Silbury

ddubsgirl · 27/06/2012 01:42

my twins & neice had a joint party last year as only a week apart and she gave invites out to pretty much her whole class 1 boy torn the invite up and chucked it at her and on the day only 2 girls from her class turned up :(

StuntGirl · 27/06/2012 01:46

Yanbu, I'd be annoyed at them for doing that if they were my kids. I hope your daughter has a lovely party anyway.

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