to find this behaviour from mil really annoying?

[Happymummy21]

Unfortunately she has a tendency to whip up situations. An example would be when she text me last week to ask if ds and I would like to come and stay with her and fil as dh and I are having our house extended at the moment. I text her back and I thanked her for the kind offer but said that ds and I have lots on this week and the extension is no issue as it only affects a small part of the house.

So several days later she texts dh and says are we ok as she hasn't heard from me, she thought there may be an emergency or something?! I find it unlikely that she didn't receive my text but I didn't have time to call as I've been very busy the past few days.

This is a classic example of something she's done quite often - on several occasions in the past, she's text/left an answerphone message and if dh or I don't call back within 24 hours she gets all overdramatic and says she thought there was an emergency as we hasn't replied - er no, we're just busy parents who can't always get to the phone/call back as quickly as she'd like.

She and I have never been particularly close though we are fairly amicable, she lives quite a long way away so we only ser her every couple of months as she doesn't like to drive to us so we have to wait for a weekend when dh is off work for us to visit her.

Tbh I've had this type of behaviour from relatives/colleagues/friends in the past and I've tended to distance myself from these people as I find attention seeking and drama queens quite annoying. I can't distance myself from mil too much out of duty, even though dh and I both feel similarly about the behaviour.

Aibu to find it annoying?

I don't really think you did anything wrong - she asked you if you wanted to stay and you replied via text.

That said, she hasn't done anything wrong either - the text didn't arrive and she got worried.

This comes down to you not having much tolerance for her - she gets on your nerves and you can't be bothered. She's not your mum, so you don't see her as your 'problem'.

Ideally, we would all be responsible for communicating with our own parents, whereas it seems that DIL get to deal with MIL as well as their own parents and the men quite often opt out of any responsibility for phoning their mums.

Tell your dh to call his mum every few days - it's not a big ask, if it makes her feel happier and cared about.

Stop relying on texts as a form of communication...firstly,they don't always get through and secondly,they rarely convey a message as well as the spoken word.

If you had phoned her when she texted her kind offer,it would have taken 2 minutes to speak to her and thank her but politely refuse.She would have instantly known that not only did you receive the offer,but were glad of it even if you weren't taking her up on it.

Seriously,people use texts way too much,the amount of arguments about non-issues that could be avoided by actually speaking to each other is astonishing.Look at the threads on here,every day they are dozens of them starting with 'I texted..(or facebooked )...them,its all turned into a strop''.

climbs down off soapbox,readjusts judgy pants,takes a deep breath

Sorry I think your the drama queen here. Yabu

If I had a emergency I would call who ever could sort that emergency out like a docter or a plumber perhaps the firebrigade or police,I wouldn't call my inlaws or parents unless there was a practicle reason to do so.
I am a adult therefore it is my responsability to resolve issues myself, I cannot comprehend why parents of adults feel entitled to be kept informed about issues that either don't involve them or are nothing to do with them,
but I guess that's because my parents gave me very good foundations to go out into the big world.

I have regular chatty convos with my mum but my mother wouldn't panic if she didn't hear from me I also neither need nor want to have any relationship other than polite respectfull and transiant with my inlaws I don't dislike them in anyway at all I just don't wish to become involved in that way with them so I kinda understand where your coming from and do get why it irks you

My mother does this too
I think it's more about them maybe feeling some lonliness and they just need a wee chat
it's once in 2mths that she ever sees you which is a shame (I'm assuming you don't drive that it can only be done when your DH is off work)...unless it's hours away from you of course and the ability to go more often just isn't possible.

Why don't you surprise her a couple of times a week and just phone her for a wee blether....she'd love having a wee update and a chat with her GD too...maybe that's all she needs...

a little bit of your time is all I think she really needs and maybe that shouldn't be too much to ask really

This is a time perception issue. You have a lot going on in your life. So although you did reply to her text this time, other times, 24 hrs can easily fly by without finding the time to call. She doesn't have enough going on in her life. 24 hrs seems like an age and she cannot imagine how you cannot possibly find time to call.

I would find it irritating to be chased by someone being a drama queen for not calling back when I had been busy, so I sympathise, OP.