I'll start by saying that I really like my SIL and we get on well. And that I've namechanged but that I am a regular!
We had a party for DS at MIL's house. It was a long day and a little stressful (overtired children, it not being my house so me not feeling completely comfortable).
When I came down from putting my DS's in bed (they are 2.5 and 6mo) some friends of SIL's had arrived with their DS. When I went to say hi the dad said that the DS had chicken pox, but they'd checked with SIL and that she's said it was fine for him to come as "they've pretty much all had it anyway". I was not happy and said well not really her decision to make, and was he still contagious? The dad thought not.
Now, like I said, it'd been a long and stressful day, so I had a little rant to DH in a different room about how irrepsonsible SIL had been, and got it off my chest. DH was convinced that the child wasn't contagious so it wasn't an issue, though I questioned why they would need to ask permission if this was the case. Anyway, I left it and went back out to the party.
The CP was mentioned to the mum (not by me) so I asked her if he wasn't still contagious? She said that she definitely couldn't guarantee it and he might well be, but that they though it was ok because SIL said they could come. SIL was there so I said to her "that wasn't really your decision to make, my DS's haven't had CP"
Now, if she'd said, sorry I didn't think / I thought your DS's had had it / I knew they'd be in bed before they arrived, then maybe I would have thought ok, bit irresponsible, but ok.
Instead I got told that they will get it at some point, it won't do them any harm, it's better to get it when they are younger, they could catch it at nursery / anywhere they go, so what's wrong with them getting it now? At least I'm at home to look after them (I'm on mat leave). The basic gist was that I was being riduculous and precious for not wanting them to go near this little boy
I said that non of that was relevant, that it was my choice not to knowingly expose them to it, of course they'll catch it somewhere but I can't mitigate that, can I?! SIL just said the same stuff again, and didn't feel she was in the wrong at all.
At that point I just left the room and got upset away from them. I just wanted to go home but I couldn't!
Now, my DS's were in bed so they didn't go near the child. But this was more luck than judgement. They certainly weren't told to wait until later to come round to avoid my DS's. If they hadn't settled, or had still been up, what could I have done?
So, MN jury, AIBU to think that the parents of the only children at the party who haven't had CP are the only people who can say yay or nay to a child with CP coming along?
And although of course I know they'll get it at some point, they mix with other kids every day, AIBU to not want to actively expose them?
There are many reasons why now would not be a good time for them to get CP,(DS up every hour at night with his teeth, having not yet moved to a place with a garden to use when we can't go out, to name but a few) but if it happens of course we'll manage it.
Or AIBU because of all the reasons SIL gave, or because they were in bed anyway so it was all academic????
(The mum of the boy with CP said (quietly) to me that she agreed with me and she would have been cross too, btw.