to not tell my In-Laws that I'm coming back to the UK for a visit?

[doradoo]

We live overseas - mainland Europe so not that far away - and tomorrow I'm coming back to the UK with the DCs for two weeks. I have this time planned - staying with my family, seeing friends, godparents, wider family etc. I have not planned to see my In Laws this time - we're back in October to visit them - and also my DH is not coming back this time.

AIBU to have not told them we're coming? DS1 let the cat out of the bag on the phone tonight and of course we then have all the questions if we're coming to them etc etc - never can we come and meet you somewhere....

So we've said we have no time this time - they're meant to be coming to us in August "if we can find the time" they're retired btw... and we will be visiting them in Oct - but of course it's always the guilt trip about having not seen us for so long/ missing the DGCs / lovely to catch up - but it's always us who have to go to them.

So I don't think I'm BU by not having said we're coming over - and also by saying we can't see them this time - but am I just being selfish and should I put the DCs back in the car and sclep to them ( a good couple of hours from where we're staying) just to keep the peace?

I live overseas too, so I know exactly where you are coming from with regard to spreading yourself thin, and the difficulty of trying to see everyone.

But I would always tell people when I am planning on visiting the UK.

I visited last time with the DC but without DH too, and we stayed with my parents. I told ILs well in advance that we were coming, but just staying with my parents, and I invited them to come there just for the day - I made it clear that I wouldn't be able to come and visit them at their house. Then it was up to them if they wanted to come or not.
Bit late now! but I think you should have done similar - if you start being secretive about your movements and not even telling them you are there, then you lose a bit of the moral high ground imo (I agree they should take some of the responsibility of seeing you, by coming to you, or meeting you half way, but it should be up to you to give them the opportunity to do so. If they choose not to take you up on it, fair enough!)