....to not pay for funeral?

[Soapysuds64]

My first post.....

My parents divorced when I was 4, when my father went off to live in France with OW. I have 3 older siblings and 3 half siblings. I have had very, very little contact with him, seeing him about 5 times as a child, and twice in the last twenty years., although I have sent photos of my kids etc from time to time. The kind of man who was always falling out with people - he was eccentric and cantankerous.

He recently died, so I went to Fance for the funeral, along with one of my brothers (who had to fly from Canada). I took my daughters, so with passports, flights, car hire and hotel, it cost me over £1500 - but we stayed a few extra days and treated it as a bit of a holiday. It was a bit odd - I thought it would be good for my girls to meet their family, but weren't made especially welcome (not ignored though, just not invited to stay or anything like that...)

My half brother has just sent me my share of the bill for the funeral.... 300 euros, and I'll need to get my other siblings to pay their share as well. Am I being mean to not want to pay for it, or should I stump up and be done? There won't be any inheritance coming my way, nor did I take any special momento to remember him by.

Btw, 'sorry for your loss' is not appropriate here - nothing against him, just didn't have a relationship with him.

I dont think you are being unreasonable to not pay.
But I think its a bit hard on the ones that are left with the bill because your Dad was feckless.
It does seem an odd amount as pointed out upthread.
Funerals over here cost more than the estimated amount based on 7 x 300e.

A basic one cost well over £2000.

If nothing else it would have been polite to consult you about procedings if they expected you to pay the bill.

i would do exactly what heads said.

he clearly abdicated all responsability to you so wtf should you be responsable for this

Any feedback yet?

"However is it worth falling out over 300 euros?"
Well, your half-brother certainly seems prepared to do so. In your shoes, I would refuse to pay. If he who pays the piper calls the tune, then he who calls the tune must pay the piper. You had no say in the tune IYSWIM, the bill is not your responsibility. And certainly not your moral responsibility either.

YANBU - I dont see why you should have to pay 300 euros towards the funeral of someone who you were not close to.

Well, my brother who came over from Canada also thinks it's a cheek, but is considering paying to keep the peace - he's not sure though.

Interestingly though, I spoke to 2 people in rl who had experience of poor and estranged fathers dying - both stumped up the cash, and felt I should too. Major difference though, is I don't have to see my half siblings ever again, French authorities can't pursue me and the financial burden won't fall to my siblings.....who I will see again!

Thanks for all the inheritance / French advice - definitely useful. Still stalling, but I don't think I'll be parting with my money

I don't know about France but in Spain halfyour father's money would go to his wife and half divided equally between all his children

Don't you pay a penny!! Not one! Cheeky shits.

Just tell them to take the money out of his estate.

The Contract for the funeral (and associated) is between the Funeral Director/company and the person that signed the order (this is a contract). You are not party to this contract and therefore have no liabiliy to pay.

Personally I would tell them to do one.

The funeral should be paid out of his estate surely?

Sorry not read whole thread so if there's a reason that can't happen I apologise.

But that is what happened when I was executor of my dads will. I didn't ask for contributions from anyone else.

Funeral homes in the US often demand payment in full in advance just for this sort of reason.

I honestly would be inclined to not pay. If they didn't even discuss this with you ahead of time, it's strange to me that they should expect you to pay for the event. But then, I suppose I'm a bit cold in this respect. Most funerals in my family have consisted of cremation and eventually a very small ceremony, if that. It's what they wanted. I wouldn't want someone else's vision (and bill) foisted on me without them checking with me first.

What a horrible situation for you. Morally, I think you've done your bit by attending the funeral with your DCs (and turning it into a holiday for them was a lovely gesture as in the circumstances it could have been a bit of a chore).

I think I'd simply ignore this request, and avoid being drawn into an arguement. I'd like to see their chances of enforcing the payment! I'd also expect to see a breakdown of the bill, and the likely estate to have any chance of payment, but even then, they've had the main "pleasure" of his fathering, so they can bear the cost...