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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

have expected dh not to have stayed out all night?

47 replies

Moominsummermadness · 24/06/2012 07:48

Dh went out with 'the boys' last night out (he's 36). His last words to me were that he loved me, and would keep in touch by text. At 2.30am i woke up, and realised that he wasn't home. had received no texts. i waited until 3.30, then tried to call him. i had to leave a couple of voicemails before he called me back. i asked him to come home, he said he'd gone to a friend's house, where there was a party, and didn't want to leave yet. it was now 4am. eventually he agreed to get a taxi, but didn't get home until 6 am. He was steaming, i was furious. he couldn't see what the problem was. he's now lying in bed, sleeping it off. We've got 3dcs, and I'm pregnant with number 4 (27 weeks). I had 3 hours sleep because i was worried. he's going out again tonight to the pub to watch the football. i don't want him to go, he probably won't roll out if bed until this afternoon, then Will be wanting to go out again at about 6, when i could really do with him taking over so that i can get some rest, before i start my full-time working week again tomorrow! Am i being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
WhatWouldMargoDo · 24/06/2012 07:53

Of course you aren't, although be prepared for some silly flim flam about boys will be boys and booking yourself a spa day etc. Is he always this disrespectful?

Btw I would ask for this thread to be moved to relationships.

JumpingThroughHoops · 24/06/2012 07:55

Depends if it's a regular occurrence or not.

SpottyTeacakes · 24/06/2012 07:56

Some people will probably say you are but I think YANBU. Dp has a stag do next weekend so as he worked yesterday and this morning is not allowed going to watch football this afternoon. Give him a couple of hours sleep, take him up a coffee and ask him to get up and give you a hand Smile

ripsishere · 24/06/2012 07:58

Not U in the slightest.
I would be doing what Spotty suggested. Cup of tea, couple of paracetamol and you ease your way back into bed.
The onus is on him to care for his children.

GoldClass · 24/06/2012 08:01

YANBU I would be furious! My DH is away next weekend, but that's ok because I'm not expecting him home, as you were.

And yeah, as WhatWould says, be prepared for the well let him sleep it off and you take next weekend off shite or if he doesn't do it often then let him be comments.

Hope he feels like utter shit all day!

Sirzy · 24/06/2012 08:02

I wouldn't be too bothered if it was a one off BUT by 9am I would be waking him up and I would make it clear that you don't want him going out tonight, he can watch the game with his family.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 24/06/2012 08:02

Wow no not in the slightest!

I don't even have children yet but if DP did this I'd be seething. How can he disrespect you so much, especially when you're carrying his child?!

Everyone deserves 'me' time but he went waaay too far. And to say he's going out tonight AGAIN? Tell him to stay in for a family night with his children and wife.

AThingInYourLife · 24/06/2012 08:04

"although be prepared for some silly flim flam about boys"

:o

YANBU

He needs to give you a break today.

I'd leave it up to him whether he gets up now and leaves you refreshed enough that he can go out this evening, or whether he sleeps all morning and then takes over the afternoon shift.

I know my job is too important to me and our family for me to be prepared to risk my performance by being knackered on a Monday because I was covering my husband getting pissed all weekend while I was pregnant.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 24/06/2012 08:05

I bet he doesn't go out to the pub tonight. He will be feeling rotten today and he deserves the vile hangover

AThingInYourLife · 24/06/2012 08:08

His hangover is no excuse for not getting on with what needs to be done today.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/06/2012 08:08

YANBU

Beamae · 24/06/2012 08:08

He's being selfish. I'd expect him to have chosen between today's football and last night's party. And all night partying is a thing of the past in our house. If either of us choose to have a hangover we are still expected to put in a full and entertaining day with the babies so it definitely makes us both think twice!

Longdistance · 24/06/2012 08:10

Yanbu at all. With 3 dc, and one on the way, he's acting like he's single.
How are you supposed to plan anything at the w'end when he's too pissed, and out having a good time all w'end.
He's taking the piss. You need to put your
Foot down with him about going out tonight too.
Hope you get some sleep tonight!

CailinDana · 24/06/2012 08:24

Get yourself ready and as soon as he surfaces, off out the door you go. If he can just swan off and do as he pleases, why can't you?

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 24/06/2012 08:28

Better yet, leave a note saying you're going out with friends and you'll text him throughout the day. Leave him with the kids, text him five minutes before you come home and when he loses it saying he was worried etc say now you know how I feel!

MrsMcEnroe · 24/06/2012 08:29

Hangovers are self-inflicted, by choice. They do not qualify as an illness and the "sufferer" should not be treated as though s/he were ill. Send the DCs in to wake him up right now OP.

CailinDana · 24/06/2012 08:31

Oh and I agree with MrsMcEnroe, hangovers garner no sympathy whatsoever in this house. In fact you have to have a least one limb missing and another going the same way to get five minutes in bed in this house.

numbum · 24/06/2012 08:34

It wouldn't bother me but my DH very rarely goes out and gets drunk like that. If it's a regular thing then YANBU.

TBH if he was that drunk I'd rather he'd stayed somewhere else anyway though

OhNoMyFanjo · 24/06/2012 08:34

Leave him in bed, he will be a pain in tge arse and no use to any of you and will still be drunk.

AThingInYourLife · 24/06/2012 08:41

Get him up.

It will be a good reminder of why you don't stay up all night when you have responsibilities to attend to the next day.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/06/2012 08:44

Numbum - that is fine if you are expecting it. It is a different thing entirely to be anticipating your DH coming home, and messages to say what time he will be in, and then to hear nothing until you contact them at 4am!

takingiteasy · 24/06/2012 09:17

Yanbu

I'm pretty easy going but this is not on. If it was arranged and a one off then fair enough but he should have more respect for his family.

I wouldn't leave the kids with him he'll be grumpy and shitty and they'll suffer as a result which isn't fair.

Moominsummermadness · 24/06/2012 09:28

Thank you all for your replies. i feel better knowing that i'm not being a hormonal crazy cow! Have decided to give him til 11, let him sleep it off so he's got no excuse, then he can take over. and that includes taking youngest dd to swimming birthday party!

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 24/06/2012 09:32

Yanbu to be pissed off, i would be but if it was a one off and he definetly was just with the boys then i would say "not again" and write it off.
I must admit i have done simular in the past when a pub had a lock-in, when i walked in at 7am my dh was less than impressed as you can imagine but ive not repeated the occasion!

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 24/06/2012 09:58

Good on you Moom!