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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

have expected dh not to have stayed out all night?

47 replies

Moominsummermadness · 24/06/2012 07:48

Dh went out with 'the boys' last night out (he's 36). His last words to me were that he loved me, and would keep in touch by text. At 2.30am i woke up, and realised that he wasn't home. had received no texts. i waited until 3.30, then tried to call him. i had to leave a couple of voicemails before he called me back. i asked him to come home, he said he'd gone to a friend's house, where there was a party, and didn't want to leave yet. it was now 4am. eventually he agreed to get a taxi, but didn't get home until 6 am. He was steaming, i was furious. he couldn't see what the problem was. he's now lying in bed, sleeping it off. We've got 3dcs, and I'm pregnant with number 4 (27 weeks). I had 3 hours sleep because i was worried. he's going out again tonight to the pub to watch the football. i don't want him to go, he probably won't roll out if bed until this afternoon, then Will be wanting to go out again at about 6, when i could really do with him taking over so that i can get some rest, before i start my full-time working week again tomorrow! Am i being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 24/06/2012 10:01

"I wouldn't leave the kids with him he'll be grumpy and shitty and they'll suffer as a result which isn't fair."

If you're with a man who would take his hangover out on his children then you have really big problems.

lambethlil · 24/06/2012 10:02

Grin at sending him to swimming party. Excellent idea.

suburbophobe · 24/06/2012 10:32

I think he's well out of order.

Just wake him up. Like was said upthread, getting pissed is no excuse to abscond your parental responsibilities.

And out again tonight? No way!

jellyjones · 24/06/2012 10:46

why does everyone suggest schleping off to a spa in revenge, that would be my idea of hell :)

DamselInTornDress · 24/06/2012 10:49

YANU

He's a married man behaving like he is single. I've never believed the "party has moved on to a mates house" excuse. That's usually when they've pulled a couple of girls and are trying their luck.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 24/06/2012 10:55

Spa weekend is my idea of hell too lol.

Birdsgottafly · 24/06/2012 10:57

"I've never believed the "party has moved on to a mates house" excuse. That's usually when they've pulled a couple of girls and are trying their luck."

Rubbish, it depends on who you mix with. My children are of an age that i don't have to go home. When a drinking night is planned, it always carries on in someone's house.

WhiteWidow · 24/06/2012 11:00

I usually say let him have his space etc, but this is out of order!! He should have at least text you and asked if it would be okay (not that couples need each others permission but it's just the decent thing to do) then maybe you could have rolled your eyes and said 'go on then'.

And he wants to go out tonight to? Does he expect you to be the little stay and home mum then! When do you get your time off?

Sorry but he sounds like an arse. I hope he's bloody amazing in other ways. X

MistyRocks · 24/06/2012 11:01

omg OP i would be beyond furious

yanbu

AnAirOfHope · 24/06/2012 11:02

I wouldnt want my dh doing that but this has been done before and the answer was

Everyones allowed a break and a night out even if they have kids and a wife - as long as you have a night out or a break as well.

Chandon · 24/06/2012 11:05

Don' t be a martyr, do not let him sleep.

Let the kids bounce on his head and tummy, give him a cup of tea to show you are not being mean, open the door to the bedroom, open the curtains, ask him what he was planning to do for lunch, ask him to keep an eye on some of the kids as you need to go to the shop/garden centre...be extmely reasonable throughout and not angry, and he will HAVE to buck up!

For heavens sake, don' let him sleep!

DamselInTornDress · 24/06/2012 11:06

Birdsgottafly, do you have a partner at home when you go out on these all nighters?

LucieMay · 24/06/2012 11:07

I'm coming at this from a single parent's perspective but I've always thought one of the pros of being in a couple was the freedom to have a social life with your friends from time to time, in the knowledge that there is a live in babysitter at home! Obviously both parties have to have equal time off for it to work but if I had an OH I'd definitely want him to babysit sometimes while I went out partying and vice versa (as opposed to now where it's much harder arranging a babysitter as a single parent).

Chandon · 24/06/2012 11:07

My DH would always get up and look after the kids after a night out, even if he felt rough. He would take an alakselzer and some panadol, and blame only himself! And would not take it out on the kids.

Their bouncing on his head when he would try to lie down was fair punishment in his view

MammaTJ · 24/06/2012 11:08

Do what Chandon says!!

He has been an arse but he has an opportunity to make up for it. If he fails at this, then get mad!!

FallenCaryatid · 24/06/2012 11:13

I like Chandon's idea.
Later on you can point out what a prat he's being, that he should have texted and stayed in contact and you need to point out that being part of a partnership involves being equally responsible. His turn to have the children instead of going to the pub.
You shouldn't have to point it out to a man of 36 with 4 children, but he needs a forceful reminder. Does he do this often, or was yesterday unexpected?

AThingInYourLife · 24/06/2012 11:14

The OP did her babysitting last night.

Now she is a pregnant woman with 3 children who needs the live-in father to give her a rest.

MarysBeard · 24/06/2012 11:27

I think it's alright as a one off - hopefully he feels so shit he has learned his lesson and won't be in a state to go out again today. I don't think then going off to the pub in the evening at 6 is ok. Can't he at least put the kids to bed first as the match doesn't start until 7.45pm, no need at go at 6pm. Or better still watch from home with a tinny?

I'm off out with the girls - will be missing the football entirely, though I always find England games give me indigestion, esp QFs so it's probably for the best. As this means DH putting both girls to bed I put both to bed last night.

My DH once got in a state and spent a night (in summer thankfully) on a bench at a train station then had to go back to work as he was the next morning. He hasn't missed his last train since!

MarysBeard · 24/06/2012 11:33

But the lack of communication is not alright I meant to say. If I don't hear from DH he may have been beaten up or gone under a bus. It's statistically more likely for a man to be set upon than a woman - being beaten up is a lot more common than sexual assault.

I also make DH get up and look after the kids even if he is feeling rough. Sat is my lie in morning, regardless of who went where on Friday night (though we do swap lie ins if it makes sense to).

Chandon · 24/06/2012 21:59

Now i want to know what happened next OP :)

LindyHemming · 24/06/2012 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holyfishnets · 24/06/2012 22:13

Send the kids in to bounce on him and then bring him a cup of tea. Then tell him you are going to bed yourself as you feel rotton.

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