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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think i have THE most insensitive prick of an other half ever

46 replies

Wheresmygalaxy · 23/06/2012 14:31

Im 1 week overdue, been together 12 years never had a problem, maybe its my hormones but you decide:

i rang him in work today to tell him my contractions had started, he replies well im sending my mate round to finish putting down the laminate flooring, i tell him not too, im alone at home his mate will surely understand why i dont want company. An hour later his mate turned up anyway. since then ive been sat up in bed crying my eyes out, half an hour ago his mum and dad also turned up and are making cups of tea for everyone, his mum can barely see so ill probably get up to a filthy kitchen with tea bags everywere like last week.

In just the past week hes managed to piss me off by going out to watch the match while i was having a sleep and in pain, didnt know where he was, when i rang he was at a neighbours. we also had an arguement cos his ego wont let delete someone of facebook that used to be my friend, we fell out ages ago and havent seen her for 6 years, i asked him to delete her he said it was bad karma Hmm. and as he asked me to check something on his facebook yesterday i also saw this week his ex has been back in contact with him - his ex i might add of nearly 15 years ago, any other time id just think its an old friend thing, theyre still on good terms etc, but this girl made my life hell when i 1st got with him for the 1st 3 years i was verbally abused by her and her firends, even excluded from weddings and such events as she didnt want me there.

i wonder why though of all the weeks, she chose this week when im due to give birth to get back in touch. maybe im being paranoid, through pain and lack of sleep, i could really kill him right now for how hes made me feel this week, i feel like im last on his list of priorities. so while im sat up here having contractions listening to the sound of a circular saw and them all having a good old catch up - we dont have any doors on the rooms yet as theyve been sent to be stripped so makes it even harder to stay calm without wanting to kill them all!

OP posts:
HecateAdonaea · 23/06/2012 14:35

So how exactly does he show you that he actually gives a shit about you?

I realise you are cross, and rightly so. If you list all the ways in which he is loving, attentive, loyal and fabulous and makes you feel like the most important person in the world, you might feel more balanced.

of course, if you can't think of any, you have a bigger problem...

MagicHouse · 23/06/2012 14:42

:( Is there anyone you could ask round to be with you? A friend? You sound like you need support.
I think you need to be honest and assertive. Send the friend and inlaws home. Say very calmly that you've just started going into labour, that you're coping but you're in pain and that now is not a good time for them to be here working on the house, thank you. Explain that you've told dh and you're surprised he hadn't told them. They would probably all be shocked that your dh isn't looking after you.
Good luck with having your baby, concentrate on that for a while and sort out big chats with your dh until you feel stronger, except to say that you need his support right now.

Kayano · 23/06/2012 14:43

Some things I get... Others I don't...

I don't get why you would be annoyed that he went out while you were asleep. Is he supposed to sit in the house all the time on the off chance you would wake up?

I would never dream of telling DH who he could be friends with on fb either. I'm friends with my ex even and if he told me to defined him I would be Hmm wtf?!

HildaOgden · 23/06/2012 14:44

He does sound like an insensitive prick,yes.

But more to the immediate point...if your contractions have started,don't you think you should be concentrating on getting to the hospital instead of writing about this on here??Seriously,concentrate on getting that baby out safe,the rest of it can wait until another day to be tackled.

Good luck with it x

Wheresmygalaxy · 23/06/2012 14:44

I think thats whats upsetting me the most.... i cant even balance it out with some good things about him right now, maybe cos im so mad but probably cos i cant think of any recently that hes done.

my mum has just rung and said shed come round but i really want to be on my own right now, left to sleep and relax as i can, i dont even want dp anywhere near me at all.

OP posts:
Wheresmygalaxy · 23/06/2012 14:45

I don't get why you would be annoyed that he went out while you were asleep. Is he supposed to sit in the house all the time on the off chance you would wake up?

i should of added it was my due date his went out, not even a note to say he had just popped out for a bit, i had to go searching and ring to find out where he had gone

OP posts:
Wheresmygalaxy · 23/06/2012 14:48

Yes my contractions have started but the hospital wont want to know till theyre closer together, at the moment im managing..just

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 23/06/2012 14:52

Chuck them all out and insist your dp comes home. Ridiculous.

ledkr · 23/06/2012 14:52

Yes he is being prickish for sure but my otherwise lovely dh also behaved in what i considered to be horrible as my due date approached. He was partly being a twat and partly I was very very sensitive.

Of course he shouldnt have buggered off with out you knowing where he was.

Do you think you are in labour? Can you call him up and say everyone needs to go now as you are in labour and that if they done you will go to a mates or family members.

takingiteasy · 23/06/2012 14:53

I can empathise regarding the flooring. There were a few jobs my dh had to get done and he didn't spring into action the day we brought our baby home. In the past 8 weeks he's fitted a new fire place, doors all over and we've had the living room, kitchen and hallway painted. All things that he could and should have organised pre birth but never mind!

Tell his mates you're in labour, get your head down and good luck!

Wheresmygalaxy · 23/06/2012 14:55

He knows, they all know ive started labour, ive just had to scream at him mum to put the hoover away. trying to clean up the dust from the saw with it.

i just dont feel rational at all, but i know i dont need this right now!

OP posts:
boredandrestless · 23/06/2012 14:55

Throw a strop and ask them all to leave, your are in labour and not at all unreasonable to want a bit of privacy in your own home!

Psammead · 23/06/2012 14:56

When I was laying in my bed, labouring with DD, my ILs popped round to look at our curtains. They were a bit long and MIL is handy with a sewing machine. So there's me, laying there, contractions every 7 mins, ILs and DH standing around talking curtains for about half an hour in our room. FIL even tossed aside the hospital bag so he could sit down. All I wanted was a bit of time to reflect and compose myself. I could have cheerfully murdered the lot of them.

I can laugh about it now, though. I don't think others understand that odd need to be alone in early labour. You need to tell them, calmly. And get your DH home. I am sure he has no idea how you feel.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 23/06/2012 14:57

tell his mate to bugger off as you are in labourr... unless of course he would make a better birth partner.

jellyjones · 23/06/2012 14:58

ive just had to scream at him mum to put the hoover away. trying to clean up the dust from the saw with it.

but in the previous post you moaned they never tidied up :/

Yama · 23/06/2012 15:01

I'm assuming this is your home too? Ask them all to leave. You can do it.

MagicHouse · 23/06/2012 15:07

Yes - ask them to leave!! You must.
You don't need to shout.
Say "please could you go, I'm in labour, I'm in pain and I would like to be on my own rather than worrying about work going on in my home."

StuckintheBellJar · 23/06/2012 15:09

You're having a baby.

There is nothing happening in your house that is more important than that.

Tell them to fuck off. Literally. Tell you're partner to start being supportive, now.

Don't ask. TELL.

You have no need to be polite or considerate.

Wheresmygalaxy · 23/06/2012 15:17

Psammead thank you! Your post really made me smile, the friend has now gone, inlaws are smoking outside after rearranging my furniture in the living room.
I think I could get away with murder on the grounds of being hormonal

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 23/06/2012 15:24

Any sign of dp yet?Tell his mother to get him home pronto.

How are things going with the contactions?(I'm excited at the thoughts of a live birth here :) )

StuckintheBellJar · 23/06/2012 15:25

Yes, you could and should.

pwhit3 · 23/06/2012 15:32

I really feel for you. Not the same, but i miscarried my 1st baby and the minute i got back from the scan telling me the baby was dead, my mil and bil showed up. I was bleeding and in pain and even though they knew they sat there either watching me or showing me mil's birthday presents (was on her birthday). I was furious and i still am when i think of it, even though it was 5 years ago. My bigggest regret of that day is not telling them to go......please speak up and say something or you will be forever mad about it. They should be bloody less thick and realise you don't want an audience, but some people need it spelling out. Good luck with the baby x x

EdgarAllenPimms · 23/06/2012 15:38

yes ask them all to leave, if you can sleep to get some more rest it will set you up for established labour...

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 23/06/2012 15:43

You can be as "irrational" and rude as you today, you have hormones to blame Wink Just throw the epic tantrum of your life, scream, shriek, rant, rave, throw things (well cushions maybe) and generally let rip. Enjoy it, get it off your chest, get rid of them all, then concentrate on having a baby. Take yourself off to hospital and leave a snotty note for your partner, or tell his mother to tell him where you are "when he bothers to come home" - rub it in that he isn't here when you need him and make him feel like a right twat!

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 23/06/2012 15:43

".. as you like.." too