To lie to my SIL as I don't feel like babysitting

[Ghanagirl]

My husband's sis has two girls at the same school as my twins. She was really keen for them to go to same school, I now know why, since they started she keeps asking me to collect them keep them till she finishes work later.
I don't mind helping out when she's stuck (I work 3 days school hours she works full time) but I made it clear that I work part-time so I could focus on settling my two at school and am not constantly knackered, but this week I took girls to school 3 days as her Dh who usually takes them had a course at work, then yesterday evening she asked me to have the oldest as she's not well I lied and said I had something else on but when I saw her DH at school this morning he made a crack about me being a lady of leisure, we've never been that close she only rings when she wants something,but we get on okay advice on how to deal with someone who doesn't take no for an answer

You shouldn't have to lie, you're not a nanny and shouldn't be expected to look after someone else's children. Send her a bill, this should stop her.

Tell her the answer is "no", you have your own job & your own family !

Ask her if she needs help locating a childminder?

I'd be totally peeved by her DH's comment. I'd also say what pumpkinsweetie says. Flaming cheek

Your both right, don't know why I feel like this, I'm not spineless. I think it's a cultural thing . I'm British my husband is from Ghana and they always make a big deal about African families helping each other but in reallity it seems like they only help themselves!

I'd be fuming at the lady of leisure comment.
How about "I'm thinking of setting up as a childminder! Between your children and any others, I'd make a packet in fees..."

She's really thick-skinned as well, if I say no she'll say something like okay just pick them up and drop them at so and so's (random friend/neighbour) that she's convinced to help her

Stay strong. Fair enough to help sometimes, but not if it's taking the mickey. Next time, ask if she could babysit for an hour on Saturday so you can go shopping in peace. If she's reluctant to help you out, you may feel stronger about saying No to her another time

I know it's hard but No is a complete sentence

Have a go, in front of the mirror:

No

No

No

You may smile regretfully as you say it

Because otherwise it will slide into you taking them both ways to school ''as you are going that way anyway'' and you will end up resentful and mulish

Say no. If she says "drop them off at X's house" repeat, "No, that doesn't work for me."

If her DH makes a comment about being 'a lady of leisure' again, look confused and say, "I have a job! I thought you knew?"

If she's working full time, she can pay a childminder.

redwineformethanks
she probably would say yes but I'd go back and her neighbour or a friend would be looking after all kids,
I will practice saying a simple no!

do what red wine said,i had this from my ds friends mum,she only has one son i have three, youngest is 5 after sending my kids to hers at weekend she soon stopped asking and got a childminder.

It's obviously your decision but if I was in your position I think I would pick them up whenever asked. I would see it as creating close family bonds between my daughters and their cousins and helping out family should be normal behaviour.

I don't see why having your nieces at your house after school will affect how your twins settle.

However, the comment by your sister-in-law's husband was probably unnecessary.

Say no.

If she pushes, say 'I really don't want to start childminding, I have enough on with my job and the twins'

She should find paid help if she needs regular assistance.

just say no. that does not work for me.

You have made the decision to work part time with the reduction (generally I assume and from what I earn) in wages that comes with it in order to be there more for your children.

She has made the decision to work full time and have the higher salary that goes with it.

She is now trying to get you to do the extra cover she needs for her children so that she can keep her higher salary, any pensions or perks etc that go with it.

I don't think that is fair. Why should you pick up her needs so that she can reap the benefits?

Don't lie to her - she'll find out.

What was she doing for childcare before you were picking her kids up?!

Just be honest - you don't mind helping out now and again but not all the time. After school is a time when my DCs were tired and stroppy, and when they would tell me about any school stuff which seemd important to them. With others around everyone played up a bit more and I would be whinged into going out, getting out games etc when I was knackered too and just wanted peace to cook the tea.

This is my catch phrase for these situations:

If you look after someone else's children while they are working, they are deriving an economic benefit from your good will.

You have sacrificed 2/5 of your pay, pension contributions, holiday allowance and probably much of your promotion opportunities. Why should you pick up the slack for her?

Now and again, on a turn-and-turn-about basis, but not as a regular thing.

Say no, or you will be doing it until those children are in secondary school!

Yanbu to not want to be lumbered with extra kids -family or not.

I'll be in a similar situation in september. My dh has already mentioned me picking up dn at the same time as my dc2 as they will be in the same year and maybe the same class. I'm a sahm as is sil (db currently not working after being made redundant). As I live nearer the school db will no doubt offer to pick dc2 up and do the drop off which will take 5 minutes then that's it, done but I will be expected to pick dc2 and dn up let them play together and then for dn to have dinner at my house. Then db will want to pick dn up as close to my kids bedtime as possible so they can have a kid few hours and I get all the stress of all the kids screaming/fighting then supplying dinner. No thanks!

Don't get me wrong I love my dn and the kids are really close but I can't handle the kids playing up when they are together (dc3 too young to be able to be left unsupervised when dc2 is distracted by another child).

My db not dh

garcia 10 don't you ever want to spend time just with your two plus I'm quite stressed which is why I work part-time, I'm all for family bonding but her two are girls who chat away about thier day my younger b/g twins don't get a word in edge ways, and don't get me started about thier really picky eating!

Staceisace
She had a childminder, who has since started a new job

If she asks you to pick up her kids that day, just say you are taking your dc swimming. One adult to four kids would not be allowed.

Maybe compile a list of all the activities that wouldn't be suitable with 1:4 ratio.

But never forget no is a complete sentance

Just say, I'd love to but we have other plans sorry or say you just intend to spend time with your own kids. Don't explain any more. I think it's very cheeky just to expect you to have the girls as a regular thing without running it past you. Obviously the odd one would be ok, but anything else should be a formal arrangement.