To lie to my SIL as I don't feel like babysitting

[Ghanagirl]

My husband's sis has two girls at the same school as my twins. She was really keen for them to go to same school, I now know why, since they started she keeps asking me to collect them keep them till she finishes work later.
I don't mind helping out when she's stuck (I work 3 days school hours she works full time) but I made it clear that I work part-time so I could focus on settling my two at school and am not constantly knackered, but this week I took girls to school 3 days as her Dh who usually takes them had a course at work, then yesterday evening she asked me to have the oldest as she's not well I lied and said I had something else on but when I saw her DH at school this morning he made a crack about me being a lady of leisure, we've never been that close she only rings when she wants something,but we get on okay advice on how to deal with someone who doesn't take no for an answer

Could you work out what you are prepared to do. Say, one after school a week or 2 drop offs.

Meet with the whole family, your DH and the in laws and say what you will offer, but sorry you can't do anymore than that. Ask for it to be the same day each week if it helps, then say NO to another request. You can say 'Sorry but I've already had the kids the once this week etc.

Other option is to have other peoples kids back occasionally, you can they say you don't have enough space in the car, round the table, in the sitting room etc to fit her kids in.

Your DH needs to tell her - not you! Nothing rude, but just speaking straight to her. If he won't or you don't want him to I'd lie - say you are looking for after school care as you are planning to increase your hours!

I think part of the problem is that she makes it seem like I'm being unreasonable, because It's not out of my way, but working school hours is a real career killer but I've chosen to do until twins bit older then I'll consider after school club. She works long hours but they have a massive house which is fine by me but don't feel she should finance it by skimping on child care costs

She can think you are unreasonable all she likes.

We don't :)

There was a brilliant thread on here a while ago about growing a pair. I think the op was previouslyonlost. Someone cleverer than me may be able to find it for you!!

Found it in an advanced search thread called '...to think this couple are extracting the urine' I am useless on this iPad and don't know how to link

Well if it´s cultural, why isn´t she asking your husband, her parents, her ILs(if applicable)...?

I think, as a Mother, there is no way you should feel forced into this. By all means help her out when she is genuinly stuck if something unplanned/ unexpected turns up, or even if every two weeks you pick them up on a certain day as your SIL is busy. I think that you should just explain to her in the nicest way what you said in you message here, in a relaxed quiet atmosphere over a cofee. In practice not an easy thing to do but we all have to stand up for ourselves sometimes.

YANBU, at all.
It's not really lying to say you have something else to do, looking after you own kids is something else

I would just say "no, it's not convenient" and keep repeating this. If she pushed me to explain why something wasn't convenient I probably would get quite stroppy and say that I didn't need to get my plans OK'd by her and that it sounded as though she needed to sort out a flexible childminder.
If she went on about family helping out I would point out that I seemed to be the only one doing any helping.
I work part time but I don't work part time so that I can be a free childminder to people who choose to work different hours.
She and her husband need to sort out their childcare arrangements. There are 2 of them so it shouldn't be that hard.

Thank you everyone, don't know why mumsnet gets a bad rap everyone has been very supportive it's always good to have an impartial opinion.
I don't have any problem asserting myself in other situations, I'm always making apts to see twins teachers or head if I'm concerned about something, I think it's just more complicated with family, but your right she has two other siblings and another SIL who are all nearby so I will stand firm

It is hard with families-but it works both ways-she shouldn´t (imo) expect regular childcare "because" you are family.

I´m all for helping when needed-or all the time if you want to.

Its always easy to help others with advice but asserting yourself and saying what needs to be said is always harder in real life.

I always help others and never say no even though im very busy myself, 3 ds, run a preschool, been single parent for 9 years....etc etc....i never ask for help, i just get on with it but over the past few months ive got stronger and ive started saying No....it feels good