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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it should not be 'You live on and estate, you have to put up with it'

27 replies

MammaTJ · 21/06/2012 22:35

but 'you live on an estate you have to be considerate of others'?

I have neighbours,they used to pretend to be friends. The man has the first as his favourite saying.

I work nights, so does his wife. When she is asleep, noone is allowed to make a noise within miles of their house. When I work nights, anyone can make as much noise as they like, especially them!!

When we were 'friends' they stored their untaxed car on my housing ass houses drive. Once we realised what they were like, they reported us for doing the same on our own drive!!

They constantly bang balls against our fence, even breaking it!! 'You live on and estate, you have to put up with it'. We shut our door and get on with our lives!

They have a dog that they keep, they also have other dogs which last a few weeks and are then got rid of. My dog, she has a skin condition. I take her to the vet to keep it under control, it will never be cured. They keep reporting us to the RSPCA! Carry on, they won't take our dog of us, we do llok after her and can prove it!

They reported us to SS! Again carry on, we look after our kids. I wonder if they would be able to take such scrutiny!

I could go on!!

Anyway, back to the origonal question AIBU to think it should be 'you live on an estate you have to be considerate of others' rather than 'You live on and estate, you have to put up with it'?

OP posts:
WhiteWidow · 21/06/2012 22:38

I've lived on an estate all my life and never experienced crap like that. That's more like bad neighbours.

marriedinwhite · 21/06/2012 22:39

YANBU. If the mantra was you have to be considerate of others, the world, let alone estates would be a better place. The entire ethos of "you live here, you have to put up with it" has destroyed society and forms the underbelly of loss of hope and lawlessness.

Original poster
MammaTJ · 21/06/2012 22:50

Thank you, two out of two in agreement so far!!

OP posts:
ChaoticismyLife · 21/06/2012 23:18

Three out of three :)

squeakytoy · 21/06/2012 23:21

It doesnt matter where you live, you should be considerate of your neighbours.

LST · 21/06/2012 23:30

Nothing to do with the estate. You've just got twats as neighbours.

Socknickingpixie · 21/06/2012 23:30

If it's perfectly decent law abiding behaviour but stuff like children playing near your house then yes it's an estate deal with it but this isant normal behaviour it's tacky petty vindictive and antisocial so no you should not just deal with it because your on an estate they need to stop it and concider others lest one day these others shoot them (in a Christian and loving way ofcourse) and they just have to deal with that because there on an estate
there inconciderate fuckwits

Original poster
MammaTJ · 21/06/2012 23:55

Most of my neighbours are lovely though!! It is just these and a young couple who are so far up their arses they can't see daylight they are friends with!

OP posts:
24HourPARDyPerson · 21/06/2012 23:58

That sounds awful MammaTJ. You are right of course, though the estate bit is irrelevant.
That young couple - do you think the bad neighbours are pretending to be their friends like they did with you?

Hownoobrooncoo · 22/06/2012 00:44

Our neighbour through the wall used an axe to gain entry after he split from the wife as the kids jumped out the back window to escape. The other side used to offload their I'll gotten gains at night after another 'job'. Sure it was them who killed our rabbit and left it on our doorstep. The wife and daughter were later up on a murder charge. Two doors away, one of the daughters married a drug dealer, he was later murdered. Twas never dull and it wasn't even a bad estate, plenty of good, hardworking honest neighbours. God knows what they are all up to now!

kittyandthefontanelles · 22/06/2012 01:50

How do you know you know it was them who reported you? Why didn't you tax your car?

ibizagirl · 22/06/2012 06:29

I am on a smallish council estate, although 99% i expect are all privately owned by now. I am renting. Next door joined on is private so is other side (not joined - semi's). Not joined neighbours are lovely and will do anything for you. Joined on neighbours are neighbours from hell. Woman with 3 children and a boyfriend who has recently left her for another woman. The woman was born in the house and when her dad died she took it over and over the years a few boyfriends have come and gone. Up until 9 years ago they were fine with us. Until one night and her eldest boy was outside jumping on peoples cars. Yes actually on top of the cars and jumping onto the bonnets. Neighbour the other side saw and heard it and found the boy on her car. Went out and told him off and knocked on their front door. This was eleven at night. The boy was then seven. His mum was asleep and dad not there. Lady who complained is not one for mincing her words and gave childs mum a mouthful (when she actually got out of bed). Threatened her with police and social services etc. She did actually report them. Not a lot done. Two days later we (not the woman who complained) had a visit from the police saying that a child has been molested on the premises by a man. Only child here is my dd and she has never been molested by anyone thank you very much! The police had received a phone call by a painter painting the front of our house. There hasn't been any painters. Told police it was probably next door doing this as they were too scared to do anything to other neighbour who complained. Was told that it was "probably" a malicious call but will have to check?? Later confirmed no painter had been. Next day two women from social services came to see me and dd to speak to her! Asking questions whether she "liked living here" etc. What? I said "excuse me, but we are the victims here. We haven't done anything". Two women said that they knew nothing about any malicious or hoax phone calls but were advised by the police to visit. Managed to speak to one of the officers who came and he said it was all mixed up and they shouldn't have come, but they did. No apology. i got a letter from social services to say that "i may have trouble finding a job relating to children". WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING. Anyway, from then on all sorts of stupid things went on. Banging, throwing their rubbish into our garden, squirting bleach onto my washing. All reported and nothing was done as no witnesses. Then they got a rabbit and eventually it got killed by a fox or whatever and i got the blame. No, its your fault you stupid woman because the rabbit had no hutch. Then they got two dogs which they still have who bark constantly. And their house is a tip and their garden is a tip with weeds about six foot high and it stinks. Neighbours from hell. Just hoping that now boyfriend is gone that it may go up for sale. Tried once in telling her to get rid of her weeds as they are so thick they are bending the fencing panels. I just got a mouthful and said that because she is buying her house she can do what she likes. So i reported her to concil. Waste of time. Wish her house would just blow up with them in it!

Original poster
MammaTJ · 22/06/2012 07:41

kittyandthefontanelles,maximum points for missing the point!! We didn't tax it because we couldn't afford to for a couple of months. We did scorn it, a perfectly legal thing to do, but as part of our tenancy we are not allowed to have untaxed vehicles on our drives. I knew it was them because noone else would have been able to see that it was untaxed.

Hownoobrooncoo that sounds pretty helish and makes the constant banging of balls against my fence/front door/window pale into insignificance.

ibizagirl that sounds awful too!! I think I just need to be grateful they only do fairly low levels stuff compared to this (though it won't stop me gathering eveidence and reporting as things happen).

I remember I once got a load of abuse from father and 15 year old daughter for asking the 11 yr old and the younger brother to stop banging the ball at 10pm. I recordeed it all on my phone, took it in to the HA offices and they still tried to deny it.

Another time, they were winding my dog up with the ball and she was barking, the only time she does, they decided to film it to report me!! So funny, they actually filmed the ball hitting my fence, still showed it to the HA and they got the warning letter, not me!!

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 22/06/2012 08:56

The worst I have is if I leave my shed open one of my neighbours kids nicks fag buts out of my shed or ruins things in my garden I feel sorry for this kid he's only 7 is never made to go to school is out all hours never washed or wearing clean none smelly clothes ss are working with the family but it seams all they do is provide a skip and a cleaner every now and again after they have lowered the time child is expected to be at school as mum and dad can't be arsed to take him,it's such a shame he is missing out on so much and inside him is a very nice child who has never been tought to be well behaved.

I sorted it out by being nice to him I nolonger leave an ashtray in shed I enlisted his help in doing my grass sead and big him up if he is nice or helps me carry shopping bags and the such like,he now has dinner at my house a couple of times a week and I walk him to school twice a week the result is he's now fine with me.I've made it very clear that if he behaves well to me and I don't see him being unplesant to others then I will treat him nicely so far it seams to work.

I think the second bad behaviour and a lack of respect is accepted as the norm then that's the second that you identify life going to pot

LST · 22/06/2012 08:59

Awwh Socknick that's so nice of you. Poor child Sad

There's a little girl that lives near me that looks like she could do with a good bowel of stew and a cuddle Sad

Socknickingpixie · 22/06/2012 09:14

Lst may sound strange I know and the next decent day you get knock her door and ask parents if you can invite her round use trying to help your children to make friends as an excuse,eat in garden as a fun thing and be nice to her, you never know it may be the only decent meal she gets and you could be preventing antisocial behaviour in the future.
In my experance the nice approach works as a preventative when it comes to low level bad behaviour from little kids a bit like when I was a kid and people seamed to care about there estates and the children on them if more kids interacted with familys in a respectful way as they get older they are mire lilkly to view others as authority figures and understand that everybody expects decency as well as enlisting a sense of comunity

Noqontrol · 22/06/2012 09:22

I don't think it matters where you live, people should be considerate of others anyway. Don't agree with the estate thing, I live on an estate and my neighbours are great. I used to live in a semi detached cottage in the middle of nowhere and we had the neighbours from hell.

Original poster
MammaTJ · 22/06/2012 09:23

Socknickingpixie you sound lovely and I hope you get the long term results that you deserve!!

I used to know a family like that, my StD was friends with one of the many children. We used to take her on family days out and feed her whenever whe turned up. They are 28 now. She saw my DD and DS recently and was telling them all about how nice I was to her as a kid. So touched she remembered. It brought a lump to my throat.

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 22/06/2012 09:32

That's really great you made an impact,I firmly belive we all have a responsability to our comunity these kids are the parents of tomorrow who are more likely to behave better there whole lives if they have great examples of good behaviour around them if it dosnt work then as these kids get older they are more likely to not do nasty stuff to you if that makes sense

Pinkiemum · 22/06/2012 09:40

I think people she be considerate to others wherever they are or live.

I live in a country where most people a considerate to people they know but rude to everyone else. It is not my neighbours I find inconsiderate it is parents and children on the school run who barge pass me, actually physically hurt me but do not apologise and don't care if they nearly knock my baby out of my arms.

Hownoobrooncoo · 22/06/2012 09:49

socknick - that's quite inspiring , we need more folk like you.

kittyandthefontanelles · 22/06/2012 15:56

Mtj- thanks

cuteboots · 22/06/2012 17:07

Nothing to do with living on an estate some neighbours are just baron runts and odnt have any consideration for others

Original poster
MammaTJ · 01/07/2012 13:56

So todays fun and games have been hellish!

I live on a house on a corner. It is lovely, 3 bedroomed and detached. Fence around front, left side and back. Right side open and with a patch od grass between me and the road.

The children form my hellish neighbours family and a few of their friends decided it was a good game to use that wall as a goal!! I am in the kitchen studying, not that I need to justify my use of my home!

Bang, bang, bang!!! I asked them nicely to stop. Carried on. I went out and said 'I will say this very slowly, Do...not...keep... banging... a ... ball.. against... my ....house'. Mummy was proudly looking on at this point.

They stopped for a bit then started again!

Then banged it against my window. Ok, it didn't smash but that was more luck than judgement.

They all ran around the corner. I crept out of my back door. Then the youngest one, I say youngest, but he is 10, said 'Come on she isn't going to.....' and stopped when he saw me standing there. I said 'What am I not going to do? Really? I tell you what I am going to do, I am going to ring the housing association, and inform the police, so please, keep it up so I can film some more'.

Funnily enough, total silence now.

OP posts:
thebackson12 · 01/07/2012 14:29

just an excuse to be poor neighbours street/estate/cul de sac all the same.