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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not take the bananas to Guides?

45 replies

ExitPursuedByABear · 21/06/2012 20:10

Last week, DD phoned after her father had dropped her at Guides to say that she had forgotten they was having a water fight and she needed a change of clothes so could I just pop up with a change of clothes. No said I. Cue much tooing and froing on the phone until eventually DH went and picked her up and brought her home to get a change of clothes for herself and her friend Hmm. Tonight she announced that they were having another water fight but she was not bothering to join in as it is cold and she couldn't be hassled with having to get changed. So DH takes her to Guides, I cook DH's omelette. DH returns home, I am just serving up when DD phones to announce that they are having a fondue and can I just drive up with a couple of bananas. No said I. So we have had several texts and phone calls begging us to take the bananas but I have stood firm and refused. We have spent years running backwards and forwards to school with stuff she has forgotten and I feel we have to make a stand some time. She is 12.

But I feel like a complete heel.

OP posts:
redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 21/06/2012 20:12

yanbu. she needs to learn. at 12 she is old enough to learn if she does not have specific problems. different if she was 5.

ramblingmum · 21/06/2012 20:14

yanbu . She needs to learn to be responsible for herself. That is part of what Guides is about. Even if that is just telling you what she needs for next week as she comes out

Original poster
ExitPursuedByABear · 21/06/2012 20:14

Thank you. I know I am not being unreasonable and she really needs to get a grip. Tis hard though. I am a secret soft touch.

OP posts:
Kimberlykisshead · 21/06/2012 20:14

Sorry OP but I would have taken the bananas up but then again I am often a doormat

TouTou · 21/06/2012 20:14

Exit - they should always warn parents and especially the girls(! that's the most important part!) about stuff like this. If they haven't, you shouldn't be jumping in your car. Your DD is totally old enough to know if she had been asked to bring bananas for the following week. We expect it of our brownies (ie much younger) and wouldn't dream of getting the mum back in!

Guides is supposed to teach girls responsibility and consequences. If your DD is forgetting stuff then it should be on her head. If the leaders aren't communicating well enough with you, tell them. We have a FB page for reminders for parents and that works really well.

jamdonut · 21/06/2012 20:14

Point out that the Guide's Motto is "Be Prepared", and she really isn't, is she? She is breaking so many Guide laws, especially thinking about others before herself, etc

Point out that perhaps she isn't cut out to be a Girl Guide?

Cabrinha · 21/06/2012 20:15

The fact you feel like a heel shows you are FAR TOO SOFT! Tough luck. She needs to learn. You might drive over with clothes as otherwise she'd miss out on a water fight (though I wouldn't) but bananas? FFS, she can borrow some food from a friend. Woman up!

madwomanintheattic · 21/06/2012 20:15

Nah.

You know she's gonna be wet anyway when you pick her up though? Take a plastic bag for her to sit on in the car. And she'll still be stroppy about the bananas, but she'll live.

Original poster
ExitPursuedByABear · 21/06/2012 20:16

She has sent me a text saying they should have had a letter but didn't get one, and were told but she forgot because I know what her memory is like! Oh yes? I suggested she put reminders in her Blackberry which is never parted from her sweaty palm.

I just feel a bit guilty as she started her periods this week.

My baby...........

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 21/06/2012 20:16
madwomanintheattic · 21/06/2012 20:17

She can remember to take her blackberry but not what she actually needs?

The blackberry would be in the cupboard out of her sticky mitts until she took as much responsibility for the other stuff. Sorry.

Original poster
ExitPursuedByABear · 21/06/2012 20:18

Oooh jam - can I channel some of your steel. I did send a text telling her to rip up the cheque ( which she had taken to pay) and just come home and forget the whole damn thing.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 21/06/2012 20:19

Where in the world are you that it is 'water fight weather' ? Envy

YANBU about not taking things up for her (although have possibly made it more difficult for yourself by having done so in the past).

Why not try and help her "train" herself though ? Ask her tonight when she comes in if there's anything different she needs for nex week, and then write it on the calendar (or somehow input it into her phone in some alarm/notes type way I don't know much about). That way, she has a reminder to help her as I need.

jamdonut · 21/06/2012 20:20
Smile
Original poster
ExitPursuedByABear · 21/06/2012 20:22

My hover tells you where I am - tis pissing down here so I think she maybe got confused about the water fight. Jeeps I am making her sound really flaky!

OP posts:
Maryz · 21/06/2012 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ExitPursuedByABear · 21/06/2012 20:23

Get thee back to the Dustbin MaryZ. I knew someone would bring the tone down.

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 21/06/2012 20:24

How far away is she?

If it was only a few mins away, I would have taken the bananas. But I would have told her, when she got home, that I wasn't doing it again.

shrimponastick · 21/06/2012 20:25

YANBU

she sounds like my DS. I frequently get a text from him, saying that he has forgotten his pencil case/homework/sports kit/money/lunch ?? and can I drop it in to school.

He is 14. Train up your daughter now or else it will continue Grin

madwomanintheattic · 21/06/2012 20:27

If it was only a few minutes, she could have come and got the bananas herself, as long as her mum had given permission.

Original poster
ExitPursuedByABear · 21/06/2012 20:29

It is probably a 10 minute walk. Last week when she had forgotten the change of clothes I told her to walk home and get them but she said she wasn't allowed to Hmm. Eventually she did set off with some other girls but DH met her.

I just think she needs to learn we are not here to run about after her. But perhaps we are...

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 21/06/2012 20:31

Ahem. The Scout motto is 'Be Prepared.'

The Girl Guide motto is 'Lend a Hand'. I'm not sure exactly what that would mean in this particular case Grin

Original poster
ExitPursuedByABear · 21/06/2012 20:36

Lend a Hand - need to give that one some thought.

Still, she will be home soon and I can continue the debate face to face.

OP posts:
JenFraggle · 21/06/2012 20:39

Speaking as a Guide leader now. Stop bringing stuff up for her. Anything important will be sent home in a letter. General things for activities are her responsibility and if she is that forgetful she should tell you when picked up and ask you to remind her. We had 2 the other week swear blind we hadn't told them to wear sensible shoes. They then weren't impressed when we wouldn't let them join in with rounders. Funny how all the others heard us! Both sorted the shoe issue the following week :)

redwineformethanks · 21/06/2012 20:40

I'd check with her after each session to see what she needs next week, but don't think you should be running after her each time she forgets something or she'll never learn