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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my newborn DS IS bloody hungry!

77 replies

CosmicBurp · 21/06/2012 16:33

Fed up of my MIL, DM, Auntie etc, all sticking their oars in. 'He just wants comfort', 'He's got wind'. If that's the case, why has he just latched on and fed for another 10 minutes? Just because you don't want me getting my norks out again/want to keep cuddling him.Hmm
It's actually painful to watch people jiggling him up and down whilst he gets more and more riled up and I'm sat there like a lemon going 'Ok Cosmicburplet, shall we feed you now? Shall we? Is it that time again?'
It's a bloody struggle to get him back, then there's the surprise when all is well once he's on the boob.
None of them has heard of cluster feeding because we were all bottlefed in my family/ DH's family. Thank God for Mumsnet, because nobody told me it was normal for little babies to want to feed this regularly.
Sorry. I've finished now:)

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 21/06/2012 20:03

Thanks, I will Smile.

LuvileeJubilee · 21/06/2012 20:11

I ff DS now 6mo since birth, on demand. This thread has made me feel so much better that it's not just my mum and mil who want me to practically starve my baby! The whole 'make him wait at least 3hrs' er no, if he's crying he's most likely hungry! Also that when he was tiny, it could take him an hour of latching on and off the bottle before he'd had enough, which was apparently ludicrous - feeds should only last about ten mins and be nonstop Hmm

Fwiw I think it's about demand feeding versus strict routines rather than anything specific to bf, which is why I nod and cry laugh at recognition of the mums and mils on this thread!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 21/06/2012 20:38

Phew! Glad it's not just me who has had these very same thoughts, eg "give me back my sodding baby!!" mil in particular is very bad at this- all of hers were ff and slept through after about five minutes so she never experienced babies waking for food in the night really. It's happened with both of mine: baby crying. Me saying they want milk. Mil holding/jiggling/ passing baby to BLOODY FIL INSTEAD OF ME!! me saying they want milk. Mil saying, oh I know let's take them for a walk. They want fucking milk ffs! I have had my babies literally wrenched from my arms (not whilst bf thankfully- they're not that bad! ;-))

Even thinking about this is making me angry. It seems that even when it's spelled out, people don't get the hint!

LittleWhiteWolf · 21/06/2012 20:47

I don't have this problem with MIL; she's so terrified of seeing my boobs that she practically throws DS at me if I say I'm going to feed him. I'd be offended by the aversion to my breasts, but it gets DS back to me pronto, so it serves a purpose. My mum, otoh, is more likely to comment on him needing winding or whatever when he actually needs a feed. But then again she comments on anything I do that she deems 'hippyish' (co-sleeping, baby led weaning).

lovebunny · 21/06/2012 20:49

you won't take any notice of what i say, and everyone will be nasty, but here goes...
i b/f my daughter for four years. i was a bfg counsellor for twelve years.
this is what breastfeeding is about.

when the baby pops out, you put him/her to the breast. you leave him/her there until s/he walks away. s/he will feed every twenty minutes round the clock. this is normal and natural and keeps you and the baby together. breastmilk is digested in two hours so never go more than two hours between feeds, even if baby is asleep, as you'll have a hungry, crying baby. co-sleep if you are not drinking or taking medication and if you can remove pillows and make your bed safe for baby - preferably put a mattress on the floor.

there is no routine except the baby's own. follow it, it is good for baby and good for you. the baby is part of you, like your arm or leg. you would not think of putting your arm or leg away from you. keep the baby close.

LuvileeJubilee · 21/06/2012 20:54

Lovebunny why so defensive? I don't think anyone on this thread would disagree with you that that's the ideal.

lovebunny · 21/06/2012 21:26

thanks! defensive because i usually get beaten to a pulp when i mention it...Grin

ceeveebee · 21/06/2012 21:51

lovemoney not sure what you mean, I've always thought most mumsnetters were pretty clued up about bf, certainly on the bf and bottle feeding boards?

Staceisace · 21/06/2012 22:09

My granny did this to my aunt when she breastfed her baby. Gran was so desperate to keep a hold of the baby she even suggested my auntie start bottle feeding. Luckily my aunt told her where to go! Surely now that they've seen how he needs to be fed they'd just let you get on with it?!

skippy84 · 21/06/2012 22:14

I really remember this, the jiggling dear god the jiggling, just wait it out, ask for your baby back and keep breathing. It will seem silly in a years time. That's not to undermine your totally justified RAGE Smile

Happymummy21 · 21/06/2012 22:18

I had this too, for the first three months dd was virtually glued to the breast. She was obsessed with feeding, but it was so worth it. It's really important to let newborns feed as much as they want, sometimes they do it to increase your milk supply etc. Despite the constant feeding I never used formula and dd went from 8th centile at birth to sevenieth centile at four months. You should do what's right for you, but there's no harm in feeding all the time :)

There's a good website called kellymom all about breastfeeding, I found it invaluable :)

holyfishnets · 21/06/2012 22:54

Well done you! Mine were all on the boob for ages during the first month or two. Gets quicker and easier but in the meantime you do right to ignore the relatives.

DrCoconut · 21/06/2012 23:07

I had various people mention 4 hourly feeds, express surprise that DS2 fed "all the time" and ask if he was sleeping through virtually as soon as he was born they'd have a fit if they knew he still doesn't and we still cosleep.

arthurfowlersallotment · 22/06/2012 02:06

The jiggling. The stupid jiggling..
It's massively frustrating.

Four hourly feeds? Whatever. Do we always eat at exact intervals? It's ridiculous.

Mind you, some people have implied that I'm foolish for bf at 9 weeks. In fact I've been discouraged. Of course I ignore, DD loves it. Anyway, it's my business and not up for debate.

I do think bf babies can be a bit less visitor friendly, shall we say, but I don't give a fiddler's fart as she's not the entertainment.

jaggythistle · 22/06/2012 07:34

YANBU whatsoever!

i had quite a lot of The Jiggling with DS1, especially from my PIL. this was maybe because i always took him out of the living room to feed as i was just getting the hang of it.

with DS2 i thought bugger that and reclaimed my own couch as soon as i got back from hospital.

maybe the fact that they can see that he's actually feeding all that time makes a difference!

they do still ask when he's due a feed/how often do i have to feed him, even though I've explained that I'm not even counting this time and he feeds when he's hungry. at least they're not quite so negative this time around as they can't argue with the chubby wee legs on DS2. DS1 grew a bit slower.

i am also freaked out by the constant striving to have wee babies sleep longer and go more hours between feeds. maybe if we limit these folk to only eating or drinking every 4 hours maximum they'd realise how nuts it is for a new baby?! Angry

Wigglewoo · 22/06/2012 08:00

I do think there is a misconception that everyone who ff is following a schedule... We don't! Ds has a bottle if he appears to be hungry, whenever that is. You look for cues - same as bf babies - hands in mouth, restless, rooting etc. Its all the same. And I don't know where this magic 5 mins to take a bottle comes from - dh and I was feeding ds on and off for 2 hours last night as he'd have a bit, sleep for 10 mins wake up and want more, then look round the room (sleeep pleeeassse sleeep!!)... I don't know why some people go on about bottle feeding being "too heavy" or making it sound like you overload your baby with formula - I've ff dd aged 8 and now newborn ds and neither would overfeed or guzzle - maybe that's just my kids- but I do think they tell you when they've had enough as with bf babies I'm sure.

I really disagree withh feeding schedules for ff and bf babies - I'd hate someone to say to me "no you can't have dinner at 7 even though you're really hungry you have to wait till 9".

The midwives at hospital drove me crazy as they kept asking when ds was last fed and how much and I honestly had no idea... I just knew he was feeding well. Keeping a mental feeding chart is just so ridiculously stressful. You can tell if a baby is healthy by how many wet and dry nappies they have and their general appearance. Other than that food quantity is totally dependable.

TheSpokenNerd · 22/06/2012 11:27

Totally agree wiggle. Thankfully I had a really good midwife who told me that if DD wanted one ounce and then another three ten minutes later, then that was fine and that's what we did...fed her when she wanted and when she was ready.

Twas a pain though in one way as you have to discard a lot of bottes in the early days...after that I just made up small amounts to cut the waste.

Original poster
CosmicBurp · 22/06/2012 11:44

arthurfowler.. Discouragement at 9 weeks. It makes you despair doesn't it? and RE baby as entertainment:( It's amazing who comes out of the woodwork. People I haven't spoken to in years wanting to 'come for a cuddle'. I know everyone loves a baby, but really?
I think one thing that keeps coming up, whether BF or FF, is that feeding schedules belong in the past. Somebody just needs to tell these relatives!

OP posts:
Empusa · 22/06/2012 14:28

"I think one thing that keeps coming up, whether BF or FF, is that feeding schedules belong in the past. Somebody just needs to tell these relatives!"

Totally agree!

KitCat26 · 22/06/2012 15:48

I had this from my aunt when DD1 was still bf (up to 8 weeks). Well actually the 'oh she's hungry your not feeding her enough' Angry

What I found worse though was my gran telling me that she only fed my dad every 4 hours - to the minute - even if he had been screaming, because that was the advice in the early 50s. With her second she was happy to feed 10 minutes earlier. With her third she fed when they screamed.

nicolag84 · 22/06/2012 19:17

My MIL came over every night for the first 6 months after DS was born, did 'the jiggling' and kept saying 'he's got a wee pain' every time he cried, no he doesn't have a fucking pain he's bloody hungry because you insist in coming over at the same time he normally cluster feeds every night! Thank goodness for my mum and aunties who understood and just said 'he wants his mummy' and handed him straight back every time!

nicolag84 · 22/06/2012 19:19

Oops not every night, every Friday night, if it had been every night I would have barricaded the door/moved house!

nickelbarapasaurus · 23/06/2012 11:52

although, i have to say, today i am fed up to the back teeth with on-demand feeding.

don't sit there moaning and whining at me for ages and then only feed for 2 minutes, pull off, look around, repeat ad fucking nauseum!
I know it's because you woke up from your pram ride earlier than normal, and i know you're actually only bored.
it doesn't help that my mother on the phone had to say "aw, well she's using you as a dummy"
"do you know what the word dummy means, mother?!"

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 23/06/2012 13:05

thankfully, we mixed fed so did not have this with pils. the bottle was saved for visits with pils so that i would not have to feed when with them. mil got huffy when i went to and suceeded in taking dd from fil as dd as getting upset.

LittleWhiteWolf · 23/06/2012 23:15

Unsurprisingly DS is handed straight back if he does a poo though Hmm