To not want pictures of my baby all over facebook??

[VIX1980]

im due to give birth anyday now, dp is total extrovert aswell as most of his family (his sister and brother alone have over 1000 friends each - not that they know them, they just had a competition to get the most friends )

anyway i said something the other night to dp about how i didnt want pictures of the baby on facebook as everyone was asking him to put pics up as soon as its born which i found strange, hes a bit weird and doesnt like sharing everything, unlike his family who enjoy posting pics of everything they do which is why there all hidden. so hell probably put 1 or 2 for close family instead of texting everyone individually, but his family are another story, his brother who hardly has spoke to me in 12 years is apparently paning on coming to visit me in hospital, i get he wants to meet his niece or nephew but i asked dp if hed mind leaving it till we got home and he went mad saying i was trying to exclude him, saying its easier for him to get the hospital than our house, its 20 mins here and 10 to hospital - i may not even be kept in hospital for all they know.

aibu to not want pics of a baby out there for all there stranger friends to see, i know i cant literally stop them from doing so but i have asked his mum and she was fine, although when we told her i was pregnant i also asked to not to post anything on facebook straight away as i hadnt told my stepdad yet and didnt want him finding out, she lasted a whole hour and 20 mins!

i may be being stupid and hormonal, i think its ok for myself and dp to do it, after all its our child but i always feel sorry when i see pics of babies put up by other people and wonder if the parents actually mind, or if theyve even asked if its ok?? is it just me?

I wouldn't put pictures of anyone's child up without their permission, YANBU.

I understand what you're saying here.

My brother had the same argument with my mum.

The defence was that it was just a modern way of 'taking a photo of a niece/nephew/grandchild out of your wallet/purse and showing it to a mate - who does not neccessarily know the parents'

I can understand both sides.

BUT I would never share photos without express permission from the parent.

its absolutely fine to ask, you say something like - it has been known for dubious companys to steal photos online from websites and that you would like to prevent any chance of this but you would be happy to email so that photos stay in the family.

but ultimately if you ask them not to and they do then i would be angry

no, YANBU. When my DD was 3 days old my FIL and SIL put pictures of her on Facebook, without our permission and I felt really sick and almost violated. It's wrong, we made them take them down and said no more pictures on Facebook. I hate when I see really personal pictures of people's kids on there for everyone to see. If I were you I would tell them now that you don't want pics of baby on Facebook, cos we didn't and that happened.

I am the same, SNXH has nothing to do with me or DS (left when I was pregnant) and I made it clear to everyone that I wanted no pics of DS on Facebook.
I only have 'real' friends added on Facebook (I think about 40 friends) and almost all are on 'limited profile, only family and close friends can see my pictures, so I have a few of holidays and days out with DS in them, but only select people can see them.

In the past friends and family have posted pictures, and some I have allowed but askrd for them to change the setting so that only cartain people can see them, other times I have asked them to be taken down completely.
The one exception is my best friends profile picture which is a picture of her and DS from last summer, it is a beautiful, funny picure and I don't mind that being 'public'.

YANBU, to not want pictures of you baby on Facebook,
My advice would be to take one nice picture, send it to everyone let that one picture do the rounds on Facebook and don't let anyone else take pictures of your DC, as they will ultimately end up on that dreadful site, everything eventually does.

Yanbu

YANBU I have no photos of my dcs on facebook. I didn't even have a pic of myself till this year!

Check your hospital visiting times. Ours only let visitors that aren't dp or dc in for maternity wards for about 2 hours in the afternoon, and it's only entry through a buzzer system. Maybe you can misread and say they won't let any visitors in except dp/dc.

Thats horrible i didnt know they technically owned any photos, so in reality can sell them to who they want, i may make something up along the lines of a friend had her babies picture put up and it was sold to a company or something, i really doubt theyll losten anyway so the only way i can stop them is actually seeing them doing it and saying, or as someone said just sending 1 out, i thought i was going to get loads of messages telling me to grow up!

as for the visitors ive said to dp that i only want our parents there at first, im allowed 4 visitors for 2 hours in afternoon and an hour in the evening, i certainly dont want that time to be taken up with people who havent bothered with me in years, he doesnt see it that way though!

My sister is intending to ask everyone at her wedding to not post photos on fb! That is a different aibu. No OP yanbu.

I put pics of my kids on there, but that's my choice.

If you don't want to, then your views should be respected. Stick to your guns!

Thats exactly it surrounded i think its fine for the parents to, but when it comes to friends or distant relatives who we dont know from adam, its a whole different story!

my friend does it all the time with her baby, some pics are really cute but id never take a pic of the baby and put it on facebook, just wouldnt dream of it, yet some people on my dp's list often do and i find it quite sad this little person is being splashed about and the parents have no choice or say.

I didn't want loads of pics up on Facebook, largely because I think it's tedious. DH and I put up one each of DS. A couple of our friends also uploaded one photo each - they didn't ask, but they were good friends and I didn't mind.

Like Peace says, could you put up one or two, but otherwise control the numbers of photos taken? It's easier in hospital, because you can say no-one is allowed phones.

I'd noticed that the facebook profile picture of someone who died recently was used by the media.

I totally get why you don't want someone who you haven't seen for years visiting you in hospital while you are tired, bruised, exhausted and uncomfortable after giving birth, at least at home you can slip into another room to feed the baby or have a nap

"Facebook also own any photos uploaded to it and can and will sell them to the media if you and your family are involved in any media-worthy story. Is very unpleasant."

Completely untrue.

YABU.

I don't really understand the whole fear of having pictures of people on Facebook thing. You realise strangers will see your baby when you take it out the house too? What is the difference?

If you don't want to put any up yourself, no prob. But to tell other family members they may not show their friends the new baby in the family is mean.

You are defo not being unresonable! My family are the same but I'm not strong enough to put my foot down

YANBU in not wanting umpteen pictures of your child all over unknown Facebook pages. But the trick is to control the photography in the first place and limit the potential damage. If you or your dp take and put one or two chosen images online then family and friends can see your new baby but you know that these are the only pictures that'll appear. When people visit, you politely but firmly ask them not to take pictures. If they can't understand your reasoning then, quite honestly, I'd not be too bothered if they get the hump!

I'm a photographer so I've got loads of pictures of dgd. None of them appear without the prior permission of ds2 and ddil. All of them are watermarked and nothing that goes on Facebook is of print quality either. Which goes in some, modest way, to protect them. However, the bulk of the pictures are in a passworded gallery on my own website and access is limited.

Everyone is entitled to some privacy even if far too many people seem to think that having a camera on their phone means they have the right to over-rule this. So set out the ground rules from the outset, OP.

From FB:

Sharing Your Content and Information

You own all of the content and information you post on Facebook, and you can control how it is shared through your privacy and application settings. In addition:
For content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos (IP content), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook (IP License). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account unless your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it.

They do not own your photos. If you set the privacy on photos to private or restricted then FB are not allowed to use them as they wish. If you set thinsg to public access things are different - but set the to friends only and it is still yours and yours only.

YANBU at all!!! I'm going to have the exact same problem as you, no one should attempt to put out pictures of someone else's child let alone against the parents wishes!