to ask my son to learn a musical instrument (he's 9)

[janelikesjam]

I have suggested this to my son, and am finally thinking of making it into a reality.

However, he is "less than enthusiastic". Is this normal? I don't want to force him, but OTOH I think its a "good thing" for a child to do if they have the opportunity, an opportunity which I never had by the way ...

If we do go into it, it is something that will cost a bit, instrument, tuition, etc, so I would like to be able for him to commit to it for a while at least.

Any thoughts? AIBU? Ta very much.

i think that sometime a child won't even realise that it's a possibility unless it's there.
eg: i always wanted to join my church choir, but i was told i wouldn't "pass the audition" - I wasn't even given a chance to try

that's why i think that instruments should be there all the time (if you go regularly to a church with a manual piano, maybe allow them to plonk on it, if you can't buy one cheaply)
and music should be there all the time too - not just pop or singing, but choral and orchestral. too many kids learn the high profile instruments, but look how many instruments make up an orchestra

my junior chorister got a piano for nothing from an old lady who used to go to the church - she'd moved into a home and asked her children to find a home for it.

If you say "you should learn an instrument" it's a bit non-specific and unexciting sounding.

However if you say "which instrument would you most like to play" perhaps this might lead to some thought and enthusiasm for the prospect?

I have seen children at school concerts playing instruments usually violin and bless them they are terrible you can tell the children who have been encouraged by parents to play something, I am not musical at all my dd plays an instrument she is very musical but she wanted to do it, music i think with any creative thing you have to have flair for it.

I was forced to learn the piano when I was just five. I don't ever remember liking it then, it was a pita and I gave it up after grade two while still at primary school.

However - we still had the piano (my DF played) and I would still tinker away on it, gradually getting better. By the time I was a teenager, I could knock out several popular show tunes, which was a useful social skill. I took up lessons and was somehow grade six standard. Now whenever I see a piano, I'm able to sit down and play (not show tunes any more though), which I love.

So - although I hated lessons, I am so grateful to my parents for making me learn the basics, much as I hated it at the time.

I think there is nothing wrong with making him do some music lessons. tell him he can choose the instrument. Ask him to stick with for 2 terms and then you will evaluate. He will not know if he likes it unless he tries. Ask for a trial lesson somewhere where you can borrow the instrument, then let him choose the one he liked best.

If the teacher is any good, he may well want to continue.

My 2 DC play violin (I use the term "play" very loosely!) and every now and then they say they want to stop. I tell them they can stop at the end of the term, if they want to. Then I sit in with a few lessons, and I see they actually enjoy it, and they decide to stick with it.

So for now we are still continuing. At the very least they will have learned to read music. DS1 once told his gran that he likes violin, as it is difficult, and not many people can do it. the fact that it was "difficult" attracted him to it (contrary little bugger he is). Kids can surprise you.

Give it a try!

Oooh, larks I play French horn too!

OP, if you let him pick which one he might be more interested.

Things like trumpet, trombone and clarinet etc have a good scope as you van look at concert/brass bands and orchestras.

Be warned- we used to get up to allsorts at our naice and very lovely county youth orchestra...

I was a very day-dreamy child, not very interested in doing any particular activities so never asked to do anything of my own accord. I was also very shy and unconfident, so would never have put myself forward to do anything out of fear of being bad it and looking stupid. (I got a bit better when I was in my teens and did ask to do a few things of my own accord.)

My parents 'made' me do ballet, brownies and 3 musical instruments (at various stages, 2 of them only lasted for a couple of years). One instrument was a torment which I only stuck at for a couple of years. One I was very good at and enjoyed hugely and have actually recently taken up again as an adult.

I'm very grateful that I was given a chance to get some musical grounding when I was a child as picking it up from scratch as an adult would be difficult and daunting.

Everyone I knew at school and growing up was 'encouraged'/'made' to learn an instrument. Many grew to really love doing it. Others stopped after a year or so. I think it's a good thing for a parent to do, but only if you let them stop if they really hate it.

alot of kids (at least where i live) seem to be pushed into learning an instrument (often two) because i have since discovered it is all relevant re music scholarships but you should see the kids faces when i drop dd off, most look really fed up to be there. dd's teacher often comments to me how 2/3rds of the kids she teaches don't want to be there. i see kids younger than 5 with their pushy mum (i saw one that looked younger than 4 the other week) recently complaining that she wasn't happy that her child only had a half hour lesson instead of an hour. my dd has always wanted to play which i guess is helped by her dad being a musician but even she is a nightmare when it comes to doing her homework. your son might prefer a sport related thing, drama etc?

When I was in school, I had piano lessons and trumpet lessons. My sister played the clarinet. My poor mother had to come to every end of term concert and assembly for years to listen to the school orchestra murdering some piece of music because one or other of us was always in it.

So do yourself a favour, if he's not keen then don't push it as you would be committing yourself to years of aural torture!

You may need to suggest an instrument-but I think every child should have chance to learn-even if you have to make them so it for while.

I guess it depends if you can afford for it to be a waste of time TBH, sad though that is. There is no way we could afford to persuade DD to learn an instrument (other than piano as I could teach her, or recorder which I might get soon) if there was a high chance I'd be nagging her and that she would hate it. I'd need to wait for that enthusiasm to come from her because we aren't in a financial position to throw money away. Even if she does want to learn something else one day it will be a very difficult decision cost-wise.

If you have spare money - and crucially if you are absolutely sure you won't feel resentment if the child doesn't take to it - then I guess it would be worth persuading them.

Come to think of it that's true of any activity, and is the reason why we haven't signed DD up to any classes just yet as she's only little.

oh stellar, like was it like "band camp"?

Thanks all for very generous help and ideas, and humour

Well, Chandon fortunately for me I wasn't in with the woodwind section.

It was the trumpet players and the blueberry vodka!

My mother taught me to play the piano from about 18 months, enrolled me in violin lessons at the age of 4 and then cello from the age of 7. I was allowed to drop the violin when I took up the cello which I played until the age of 17. The overwhelming memory I have of playing a musical instrument is the arguments, the shouting, the pleading and the nagging to practice. I hated it. My mother kept saying that I'd enjoy it when I got better (I didn't), that I'd enjoy playing in orchestras (I didn't) and that it would be a hobby I could enjoy for the rest of my life (I haven't put a finger on a musical instrument since I gave up lessons).

DS2 nagged us for about a year to let him have saxophone lessons which we eventually agreed to on the basis that our part of the deal is to pay for lessons and provide and instrument, whilst his is to practice. If he doesn't practice the lessons stop and he knows we mean it. He really, really enjoys playing. I honestly never nag him to practice (v. occasionally remind him) and he practises just about every day.

So my experience is: if it's to be an enjoyable experience it HAS to be child-motivated.

OP - what would you like to play? Why don't you just go for it yourself and if your son ever expresses an interest then great! If not then there is no point forcing him.

one of the real benefits that is brought to a child from learning an instrument,

is that the child learns, that by practicing something repeatedly, makes you good at it, the child takes that experience to other areas of their lives,

which is why children that do learn instruments tend to be successful in other areas of their education.

my children go to a saturday school for music, as the ages go from 5 to 18, they are continually inspired join in, they generate the enthusiasm,

for a few hundred pounds they have lessons every saturday morning, all year, from rock guitar,African drumming , various choirs to jazz and string quartet,

as all the other children are really enthusiastic, that is the driving force behind all their own success, so they generate the practicing, can't shut them up.

there are saturday music school co op set up music teachers all over the country, brilliant as children get a huge range of different areas of music, so they can find the bits that inspire themselves, without it costing a lot,

here's one a bit like the one my children went to, very easy for any age child to join in with.

www.samstotnes.org.uk/

Great advice on this thread, but as the mother of a 9yo DS I would just say, remember you are the adult here, and you can tell him, not ask him, if you like.

My DS vacillates between hating and loving his instruments, but is generally glad he is doing it and gets a lot out of it...but wouldnt be doing it if I didnt force him at the start.

IMo, it's hard enough work getting them through the times when they don't want to do any practice when they have asked to learn an instrument. If he doesn't want to do it in the fiorst place, I'd suggest you are on an expensive hiding to nothing.

My DS does not like his lessons much, but he loves writing his own tunes and improvising (bless him). He is nine. Without learning the basics he would not be able to do this.

Just to go completely against the grain, I think some element of forcing is required at some point with musical instruments. Most very musical people that I know (including myself) were at some point dragged kicking and screaming to music lessons. I HATED piano lessons, but looking back it was the best gift my parents ever gave me,although at the time I hated it. (and now I also teach music as part of my job).

And i disagree with teaching yourself to play. you really need a music teacher if you want to progress, unless he is already musical to start with. Otherwise, when the learning gets tougher, there is no one to help you through.

But at 9 I think it's a bit late to start them doing something if they don't show an enthusiasm for it. At this age, it may be better to let them play around on instruments until he finds one he really wants to learn.
then drag him to lessons ;)