to think it's not my fault my ex fil is ill

[workshy]

dd had a D&V bug on friday when I was due to work

as has happened in the past I rang her grandparents on her dad's side who were going to pick her up afterschool, told them she was poorly and exactly what with, and how poorly she was, and if at all possible would they be able to have her from lunch time (they pick her up from school alternate fridays and have her for a couple of hours until her dad finishes work and takes her back to his)

the answer was 'yes of course, not a problem fetch her over'

I drilled DD about the importance of washing her hands etc, was greeted at the door by MIL who told me they had hand gel etc etc
DD was better the next day

today I've had a very ranty phone call from the ex telling me his dad is laid up in bed with D&V ad he can't believe how utterly irresponsible I have been and that his dad is really very poorly

told him I was sorry to hear it (which I am because I like his dad, and also I'm a human and do have compassion) and wished him well -to which the reply was -'a bit fffing late now!!!'

is it really my fault he is ill? I know it's not ideal them having her when she is poorly but they are my only option for emergency childcare

You're going to get a lot of opinions on this one OP. Don your tin hat.

If they knew she was ill, they could of backed out. YANBU

Tell ex you'll ring him next time for childcare instead of his parents

Hope fil is ok

No YANBU as you told your ExPil that your DD was I'll and they decided to have her anyway.
They are adults and it was their choice.

Is your ExFil normally in good health?
If not then I can understand why your Ex would feel protective of him.

he's normally in good health yes but is 70 so not a spring chicken

I was very explicit about what was wrong with her as I know older people can get poorly quite quickly

the other option was that I went in late and he finished early, both mossing 4 hours of our shifts but he wouldn't entertain the idea

Why did you send her to school with D and V?

Everyone had a choice here and options were fully explained. A bunch of grown ups made individual choices and are now projecting their annoyance on you. Ridiculous. You're the mum but not the sole carer - I find your ex's attitude laughable tbh.

Ididn't send her to school with D&V

I was on the late shift at work so didn't start until 1pm, hence taking her round at lunch time

If you explained she had D+V they could have said no. I've infected my Dad twice before with lurgied children. Such is life. My Mum was OK though because she refuses to catch D+V bugs. She is so strong-willed even the norovirus can't argue.

Nerd - I read OP to suggest child wasn't ill when she went to school, but came down with lurgy during the day.

sorry, if it wasn't clear

massive peeve of mine when people send vommity children to school

I think if he wouldn't be flexible work wise then you had no choice but to let DD to to IL's. He is to blame too as infact he could have had her part of the day and you could have had her the other part of the day.

They are adults and had the option to say no, because you were utterly open and honest with them. Your ex is wrong. I'm sure he is worried about his dad but he shouldn't be yelling at you.

YANBU - for future reference though, hand gel will not kill the 'bugs' that cause D&V, however good handwashing with soap and water will get rid of them.

I never use handgel, just wash my hands, but if that's the case why do people use handgel?

I think it depends how the conversation went. Did you honestly give them the option to say no? Or did it come across as a plea for childcare help which they may have felt they couldn't refuse? Makes a difference IMO.

I asked them if there was any possiblity that they could have her?

don't think I'm that scary that they couldn't say no

my parents are much further away but the in-laws know my parents won't have them if infectious as my dad has heart disease, so they know I understand if they had have said no

and I was very honest about how poorly she was, told them it was a bug that had been going round at school -didn't try to pretend it was something she had eaten etc etc

Your ex is a cheeky fucker. If he had wanted to prevent you from using his parents as childcare cover for times of sickness then he should make it known to you that he will take time off work to look after his child.

Handgel doesn't kill virus', something to do with the shell of the virus being tougher so the gel doesn't dehydrate and rupture the virus cell and kill it as it does with bacteria.

That's from memory from something I read a while back and may well be bollocks .

YANBU, they are adults, can decide for themselves.

You obviously know from your own DPs what a bug can do to an older person.

My Dad's got a condition similar to Lupus so if we're sick my parents don't come near us. It's heartbreaking because we haven't seen them for ages now and we all really miss them, but that's their decision and we respect it.

Just bring FIL some soup and have your DD make a get-well card for him.

YANBU. Your ex however is a twat. Did he do this in your relationship as well? Unresaonably blaming others for problems shows a real gap in his maturity and development as an adult. Not surprised you got rid of.

Ex sounds like a complete twat, he should be more concerned about his dd rather than ranting and blaming.

Your fil, a healthy adult, was fully informed and could've said no. He took a risk to look after a poorly child, as we all do for family sometimes, and it's unfortunate, but not rant-worthy. If ex was so concerned for his fil then he should've looked after dd, selfish twat.

YANBU, they had the choice to say no (though that would have really messed you up and they know it)!

If you were honest and they said yes yanbu. But your ex is a twat.

YANBU. You gave them all the information, they had the chance to say they wouldn't take her but said the opposite.