AIBU to be dreading afterschool today?

[fishandlilacs]

My dd has a little friend from her class coming to play and tea, this little girls mum is a lovely lovely woman and has been incredibly generous and kind to me but I find her daughter a bit of struggle.

I think i'm being a tad unfair because it's not that shes not a pleasant little girl it's just that they are used to the finer things in life-her daughter (age 4) will say things like "why haven't you got a trampoline? we have a trampoline and a water slide" "Why has DD only got 2 barbies-I have 6 in my house and a house house" "I don't like that orange squash" (ie it's aldi rather than robinsons) "hasn't DD got a telly in her room? I have a wii and a playstation in my room"

I just dont know how to deal with the questions and boastfulness-shes only 4 afterall.

Ignore it...?

You don't deal with it - you ignore your just say 'Oh how lovely, now run along and play.'

"gosh, aren't you a lucky girl" and immediately change subject.

i think when they are 4 they just say the truth, she has a tv and thought everyone has.
my dd is 4 and hasnt got trampoline, water slide, tv,wii or playstation and i wouldnt want her to have either.

Yep just ignore it... everyone has different stuff, or does stuff differently, so your house has your stuff, she gets the stuff you have or goes without.....

Could you divert from the whole materialistic comparison thing by occupying them somehow - decorating cakes or biscuits or something else crafty, if you can face it? If they don't just go off "to play" then she is less likely to notice (and point out) that there is not the same range of "stuff" in your house as in hers?

It is really hard. When DS1 was 4 he had a friend who has everything. He came round here and said the Power Rangers were 'out of date' and there was 'nothing to play with'. I felt like taking him home straight away.

DS2's friend that came round for the first time yesterday said our house was 'very nice' but Ds1's friend commented 'your garden is about as big as our vegetable patch.' Why do they have to comment?

I have tried ignoring it but she's pretty persistent! Shes just telling it how it is, i know.

I guess it just reminds me of how things are for us-but everyone is better or worse off to some extent-I know for example that this little girls daddy works in London and is away from home 5 days a week whereas my DH is home at 5.30pm and friday afternoons and weekends. i know which i'd rather.

and yy to a blank "Do you? That's nice" if you can - if she is one of those 4yos who will persist with "why?" indefinitely then maybe "Because everyone is different. Now, are you two going to......"? At 4, there is no malice in it, just a lack of understanding.

I thought we were the only people ever not to have a trampoline fish.

"Yes, isn't it nice that everyone has different stuff"

I had one of my DD's 4 year old friends over and she immediately asked where is the treehouse? do you have a playroom? Oh your bedroom is small etc. When I dropped her back home they had a huge house, my house could have fitted in their hall.
But she always asks to come over to play so she must be enjoying herself.
Ignore it but it does grate a bit

"Oh lovely dear, you can show dd that when she comes to play with you next, off you go and play"

"Well you can always go home if you don't like it here ....."

Urghhh I think that's rotten to say that to a small child!

Goodness, Op. She's 4 years old as you said. They just open their mouths and spout words at that age. If she was 24 then you might have some cause for annoyance.

She keeps coming round so you she must like being with you all, really.

When my two were 4 they wouldn't have commented good or bad on anywhere they went for tea. I think even at 4 they would know it was rude.

Both my children have IPADS and christ knows what. I still wouldn't met either of them have a TV in their room.

Just because you have 'stuff' doesn't make it desirable.

How many Barbies can you play with? And do you actually want to WATCH TV (cos if not, a TV isn't relelvant!)

I have to admit, that my DC do refer to other people's lounges as playrooms which can be a bit embarrassing.

My mum said that she thought she was old enough to learn that not everyone is as fortunate as everyone else. I don't think thats my job and it's not as if it goes in after one talk about it with 4 yr olds-it's a life lesson!

Tongue firmly in cheek, valium.

You're lucky, sparklingbrook!

At 4 they are comparing lives and part of growing up is working out that people have different lives and surroundings to them, sometimes this comes across as rude,probably due to excitement as much as anything. IF the child was saying 'I don't like your house because you haven't got a trampoline' then it's fair enough to gently ask if they want to go home imo.

nora sorry, x posted.

You can never bloody tell on MN

brook do you actually think it's rude then? Because i'm not sure-id be mortified if it were my dd at someone elses house. BUT i think 4 yr olds tend to comment on differences either way regardless if thats negative or positive.

My dd asked me the other day why i wasn't "as tall as micheals mummy". The fact is i'm 5ft 11 and Micheals Mummy is considerable shorter than me! :)

I know cozie but to be honest at 4 they wouldn't even speak to the child's Mum they were so shy.