To think it's impossible to stop some kids from teasing their siblings(aibu thread but feel free to chip in with advice,I need it)?

[Rockpool]

Dtwin s(8) is an angel at school,he's bright,doesn't play with toys and we restrict screen time. Consequently he has a tendency to get bored which leads to teasing of his sister. However much you tell him,he doesn't stop and will continue slyly.She is absolutely no angel and will smirk when he's told off.She has also gone through a phase of over dramatic shrieking to get said son into trouble but that has stopped now she realises I'm not fooled. My other twin son just likes a quiet life but his twin will tease him too at times.

Anyhow we've tried everything-polite reasoning,the menacing hiss,the hollering,the step,taking away of screen time,the How to Talk book(there is no section on kids who refuse to stop teasing however you talk),activities to curb boredom etc.Said son is a good boy,polite ,works hard,is kind etc.However the teasing is a freakin nightmare.

This morning I heard dp speak to him twice,then it was the step.I came down when dp had left and dd was sobbing. She'd got achy legs from some sponsor event and dtwin s was still saying she'd done a baby activity(reduced version of his).This was the very thing dp told him to stop doing before he left.Sooooo I'm afraid I lost it,shouted so hard I've still got the headache and I told him if he teased anymore I wouldn't get his swimming kit ready as I'd be too busy sorting out his teasing.

He can also do this when overexcited ie carry on being silly however many times I tell him to stop.

Soooo is there anything left to try or am I destined to be shrieky mum until the dc leave home?Do some kids just not listen?

Oh I dunno, I used to make them do it over and over. I'd tell them I needed new and different reasons,expressed in different ways. It's surprising how much they don't like doing it, but can't argue effectively against it because it is an entirely reasonable response to their behaviour and all about helping them learn...

Sometimes get them to do a story with them as the victim for variety.

heh heh

You're an evil genius Hully, my hero

I love the list idea, I'll be using that!

yes, talk to him as well of course.

I use dto do it out of boredom, restlessness and evil mischief.

That's why I think it's best to keep him occupied

Sadly kids tease, my 19 year old still teases my 3 year old until she screams. Drives me round the bend. Is he any good at putting himself in other people's shoes? You know, "how would you feel if we spoke to you like that?" etc. Instead of punishing (if that doesn't work) what about a reward, "if you can both get on all day/ week, then on Saturday we will go ......"

Also, when you make them do the list, it's important to do the faux sadness it's all about helping you thing and not laughing until they can't see you.

OP i was absolutely horrible to my sister when we were growing up. i always resented her (have no idea why), felt the need to put her down etc it was almost as if i felt the need to show i was the better sister i don't know, really can't understand it now, i was just horrible.
we argued all the way through the teenage years as well (looking back, usually my fault, but at the time it seemed that my more-popular 11 month younger sister was to blame, i took a lot of angst out on her).
the good news is we started to get on when i left home for uni and became best of friends when we both had our first DDs who are about 18 months apart in age.
so you only have to wait till one moves out for a bit of harmony in your household. about 10 years?
btw our parents did everything to stop me us being horrible to each other. the only thing that worked was taking us to theme parks. we got on fabulously well there. the only positive thing i remember about having a sibling is having someone to go on rides with lol.
my advice -
why oh why did i have two DDs

I agree they all do it - and I have found the more I intervene, the worse it gets. If you generally ignore (unless it gets physical) they don't find it half as much fun when they realise they can't keep dragging you in by telling tales on each other and it petters out (a bit...)

Or even 'peters out'

That too badtaste. If mine argued (they don't really now because dd ignores the whole family), I didn't get involved, just said you are both boring me to death, I'm not interested in who said what, just go into separate rooms (and do the list)

There is another advantage, mutual resentment of you then draws them together. Ultra cunning.

Providing it doesn't get nasty I tend to ignore most of the teasing in our house, on the basis that it'll do them good to develop a thick skin. But if I have told one of them to stop it then I expect them to stop. If not I'll tell them again, and the third time comes with a warning of what will happen if they don't do as they are told. If they still carry on I say, well, that's no tv for you tomorrow and if I have to tell you again there'll be no tv the day after, and so on. My youngest DS currently has no tv, laptop, ipad or ipod for a week. Can't remember why not now, but that's not the point! He can be very stubborn :)

Bickering and squabbling are normal and to some extent unavoidable. I think you need to think clearly about exactly what behaviour you want to stop. The teasing sounds mean. Meanness has to be stopped, I think, so I would treat it in a special category with stricter consequences.

Rockpool I have a cunning plan.

My son is capable but lacks focus and drive. He's so laid back he's horizontal and still 'plays' at 13. He loves art, music and creative pursuits.

Shall we mix them up in a bucket and see if we can come up with 2 boys who are capable, like playing, reasonably focused and driven, but without the crippling introspection of the perfectionist, and who is also arty?

Hully inspirational advice!

Do you mind if I collate mine over the summer hols and then publish in a trilogy?

Mine drive me a bit mad with this too. I don't think you'll eliminate it but what I have done (that is helping so far) is buy a glass jar and marbles of varying sizes. If they are playing nicely together, being nice brothers, cooperating, I will add a marble to the jar. If winding up etc, I remove one. when they are being exceptionally lovely, they get a big marble added.

I said we would go on a day out together when it was full and they decided on Gullivers Land so they are working towards this treat together. It means teasing is getting less as is over-reacting to nothingy silly comments.

NB I was HORRIBLE to my sister all our childhood, with occasional niceness, we get on fine now, but it used to drive our parents mad too; I have to remind myself that some of this is payback time!

what I have done (that is helping so far) is buy a glass jar and marbles of varying sizes

I was fully expecting you to say you threw the marbles at them when they were driving you mad

squeakytoy That's what I'll have to try when the current method stops working then!

No Folk let's swap!!!!!

Going to try these ideas,kind of glad I started this thread so by the time they break up for summerI'll have some strategies started and hopefully working.

Could he be encourage to take up playing a musical instrument? then whenever he is bored he has to either practice or find something constructive to do instead. He'll either end up a great musician or if not, at least he won't be bothering his sister.