To think it's impossible to stop some kids from teasing their siblings(aibu thread but feel free to chip in with advice,I need it)?

[Rockpool]

Dtwin s(8) is an angel at school,he's bright,doesn't play with toys and we restrict screen time. Consequently he has a tendency to get bored which leads to teasing of his sister. However much you tell him,he doesn't stop and will continue slyly.She is absolutely no angel and will smirk when he's told off.She has also gone through a phase of over dramatic shrieking to get said son into trouble but that has stopped now she realises I'm not fooled. My other twin son just likes a quiet life but his twin will tease him too at times.

Anyhow we've tried everything-polite reasoning,the menacing hiss,the hollering,the step,taking away of screen time,the How to Talk book(there is no section on kids who refuse to stop teasing however you talk),activities to curb boredom etc.Said son is a good boy,polite ,works hard,is kind etc.However the teasing is a freakin nightmare.

This morning I heard dp speak to him twice,then it was the step.I came down when dp had left and dd was sobbing. She'd got achy legs from some sponsor event and dtwin s was still saying she'd done a baby activity(reduced version of his).This was the very thing dp told him to stop doing before he left.Sooooo I'm afraid I lost it,shouted so hard I've still got the headache and I told him if he teased anymore I wouldn't get his swimming kit ready as I'd be too busy sorting out his teasing.

He can also do this when overexcited ie carry on being silly however many times I tell him to stop.

Soooo is there anything left to try or am I destined to be shrieky mum until the dc leave home?Do some kids just not listen?

How old is DD? My 8 year old DD is a bugger for teasing her little brother, just for the reaction so we've told DS, who's 6, to ignore her completely and pretend he can't even hear her because she's only doing it to get a rise out of him. It works around 30 per cent of the time .

sorry to say OP, it is perfectly normal, and you have years of this to go yet!!

not much help I know, but having 3 stepkids with only 4 years in age from eldest to youngest, I know what it is like..

even as older teenagers the bickering, winding up, and arguments carried on to the point that days out were a nightmare and best avoided..

If it is any consolation, they do eventually grow up and reign it in a bit..

Sometimes the best solution IS to leave them to it..

I have a 6yr old DD and twin 3yr old DS .... The teasing/namecalling/he hit me/she kissed me/he touched me/hes got my etc.... is endless.

It dosnt mater what we do to them 5 minutes after punishment is done they are at it again. If it get too much i put DD in her room one DS in their room and have 1 DS in living room

Then 10 minutes later they all come out asking if they can play together again....... and 10 minutes after that... ;)

There has to be a consequence every single time he does it, with no second chances.

He's not just teasing his Sister, he's also being downright disobedient.

Only you know which punishments will heart and which won't but I'd come down on him like a ton of bricks until he actually does as he's told.

*hurt

I agree with WorraLibety. It's not just teasing. He is being disobedient as well.

Dd is 7.I agree Worral and the disobedience is what I am so angry about.It's bizarre as he's such a good boy in all other areas ie very polite,always plays where I tell him to,extremely honest on the laptop etc,he just would never lie and would give his last penny away.I could trust him with anything.His sister can wrap him round her little finger when she wants but he just will not/can't stop the teasing or getting over excited.

It's often boredom that leads him to it but I want him to amuse himself so I don't organise his time iykwim. He's a bright lad and was a nightmare before he learned to read at 4.I've literally stockpiled a masseeeeeve pile of puzzle books,sudoku and books for our 10 days camping as it'll be carnage if I don't.He can't do boredom,my dad is the same,his brain has to be engaged all the time and dp and I are so different ditto our other kids-we like to chill.

Sooooo what should I do re punishment?Dp did the step straight away and I threatened the swimming kit but now I've got a headache and feel like a nasty mummy because I hollered in a really nasty tone.It's sad to say but until he sees me literally frothing at the mouth he just doesn't get it.What am I doing wrong?

Also are some kids just born to tease?

Two things: it's a very hard habit to break, so yes to constant and immediate sanctions and scondly I think you do have to keep him very busy and engaged and not leave him to manage his own time yet.

The devil makes work etc

I teased my younger twin brothers utterly relentlessly and remorselessly for years. They haven't forgiven/forgotten.

There were four of us under five and my poor mother was far too busy. I definitely needed occupying and organising.

Really but you see on MN all the time the opinion that kids need boredom to create.I guess I've steered away from organising his time in the hope that he'd get better at handling it.

Maybe I should admit defeat.

Todays incident was a breakfast which is always hard going with him and dd,sadly I can't blame that on boredom or maybe I can.

I agree with Worraliberty, and am already collecting ideas to deal with this later (will have 3 spread over 3.5 yrs).

Does he amuse himself better outside? Maybe either giving him outside time alone (if you have somewhere it would work) to occupy him, or having timeout in the back garden are options to consider.

Has he ever been able to amuse himself? If not, maybe he needs more help - does he only like book activities? Does he like planning or tick boxes - like a timetable of things to do?

Or, would a big-bro/expert role distract him from teasing his little sister - if he had the job of helping her with her reading books or something? Or teaching he how to play chess! I don't know. These are just ideas that floated out.

I would say an 8 year old is far too old to be put on a naughty step!, that is the way to deal with toddlers, not older children.

They'll create all right.

It just won't necessarily be the sort of stuff you were hoping for...

I think children need to be kept very very busy

"I shouted so hard I've still got a headache..." "I hollered in a really nasty tone... literally frothing at the mouth..."
We've all been there and done that but in there lies the problem. The shouting has to stop. The nasty tone, the comparing. Children don't know how to be so they will copy what goes on around them from parents, relatives, adult relationships and school peers. We all know how sarcasm and teasing works but kids don't so need guidance. Example: teasing younger sibling re. 'babyish' sponsor activity. Instead of coming down on him hard, empathise with youngster "Aah shame, what will help with the aching? A massage? Paracetamol? A warm bath? I bet big bro would know where to find the pain killers, how to massage a leg, could run a bath. Could you help your sister?" Turn a negative into a positive and they will too. Follow up with a sensible conversation, explain the micro-tears in the muscles will heal to make bigger, stronger muscles. Lead on to how protein in foods is important for that, as they get older the conversation can include steroid use and drug abuse. All things kids need to know and have discussed. They will be rapt by your interest and conversation and over time will do the same thing. The teasing is compensation for ignorance which with your parental help and guidance can be 'cured'. Of course this isn't a quick fix, they've been 'copying' for years but I promise you it will work if you keep it up.

Teach your dd something irritating to do when he teases her- ie, hands on hips, head cocked to one side, "Oh dear, ds, you're such a baby trying to upset me all the time. Can't you think of something better to do? Poor thing.'

Obviously issued in pitying sing-song tone.

What I'd do, however, is come down very hard on every single occasion. It's not fair to the other kids, it's disobedient to you and it's basically rude. Every time he did it, he'd lose screen time or whatever.

He needs to see it's an important issue to you and you need to make it important to him so that he can change his behaviour.

And, so what if his sister smirks when he gets told off - if he didn't do it, she wouldn't have the opportunity of smirking. Maybe it's the only form of revenge she gets? Unless she could have the screen time he loses....

Have you talked to him about it?

Why doesn't he play with toys?

In my house I started calling it bullying. A bit extreme i know but the logic was if you are tring to make someone upset or unhappy in their own home then you are bullying them. It seems to have made the older ones think more about how they treat the little ones.
Another thing to consider is the familly culture. In our house DH can be a bit of a teaser and I've realised I'm sometimes guilty myself (was definitely brought up in a teasing household). Now we are more aware of it we try harder to set a good example.

Gawd if the step is out(can see it may be time) what do you use as punishments for the over 8s?

Loads of good advice below,thanks.

He's just never ever played with toys,my dad never did either.He has a very adult brain.He likes to do things that are useful or with other kids.He's not into things,toys etc.He'll play schools,secret club(he makes masses of timetables etc) with other kids,he reads masses and adores the piano which he practises for hours and his bike. He is extremely able on the PC but it's strictly limited which annoys him no end.His twin is the total opposite-Lego,Playmobil,Knex,ditto dd.Totally into small world,make believe etc.

Tell him to go into his room and write a list of ten reasons of why it is wrong to treat his sibling like that.

Takes em ages

Ok. Just wondered if the boredom might be alleviated if he did have some toys.

I know some parents (well 2 but still it's 2 too many!) who phased out toys from 8 onwards in favour of computer games because they needed "to grow up". Caused no end of problems for the boys and their friends.

If boredom is a part of it, is there anything else he can do? Drawing? Art? woodwork? Things to occupy his time?

I know that all children squabble. Mine generally get on but if they get bored, then boy do we know about it!

Hmmmmm Hully I'm liking that idea.Got any more over 8 punishment ideas,over 8s are new to me.

Folk he's art phobic,he thinks he's rubbish at it(he's used to being good at everything) although he'll do those Klutz how to draw dogs etc books where you follow step by step instructions.I know honestly I love art and we have masses of pens,pencils,paint etc.Have no idea how I had ds,he's so driven and a perfectionist.

Good idea though I think I may before the hols get him to go through everything and make a things to do list of things he enjoys(hope we get up to 10)so when he feels the urge to bug he can go to his list and pick an activity ie Sodoku etc

Can he explain why he teases her so much?