to be annoyed that other mums think Self-Employed = Lady of Leisure.

[noseynoonoo]

DC2 starts school in September. I have spent the past 9 months or so having people make comments to the effect of "from September you won't know what to do with yourself, you'll be a lady of leisure". Seriously I get this about 2-3 times a week.

I am self employed, which means that when DC2 is at morning nursery I am with clients, as I am one or two evenings a week and also most Saturdays. I spend a lot of my 'spare time' e.g. evenings up to midnight and Sundays afternoons on marketing activities. I am nowhere near being a lady of leisure and once September arrives I'll be filling the new 'spare time'.

This morning a mum at school commented on my work and then said the lady of leisure bit - how can she think I can work and not do anything all day - how does that work? I am just a really rubbish worker for not being able to acheive being self-employed and a lady of leisure lifestyle?

Do other self-employed people get this?

wasabipeanut, spooky, I am also a freelance writer (but in a different field) with 2 DC under school age and DC3 due soon!

Also worked in London 3 days/week after DC1 (but gave up and went freelance after. DC2).

I get the same, people see me do school drop off and pick up and assume I do nothing in between...... I also get lots of comments along the lines of how nice it must be to run my own diary so I can 'work around the kids'...... In theory that works but with a full client book I need notice to keep time free - otherwise my clients are, well, expecting me really!!

For the nosy interested I am a mobile Nail Tech, so I work 9 - 3 Monday to Friday and from 6:30pm to 10pm Monday to Wednesday!

I'm glad I started this thread. It has reassured me that I don't look like I laze-around all day - it is just a self-employed thing.

Vanimal - we're clearly living parallel lives!

I work for an outfit a bit like CAFCASS, but not in England. I get fed up of people assuming I am available to collect dry cleaning, do supermarket shopping etc. Yes I am, but it means I have to work late in the night to catch up

You are so NBU. I am self-employed, and when my DD started school, I got exactly this sort of stuff - "You won't know what to do with yourself!" Well, actually, I will, because I will simply increase my hours from about 15 hours a week to 30 hours a week. HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED THAT I WORK, ffs?

Goodness, I get the opposite! I said to a mum from school on Weds 'do you fancy a coffee' and she was - genuinely, 'are you sure you're not too busy, I know how hard you work'.

Sometimes I kind of hate being self-employed. I'm clearly too scruffily dressed when I do school runs to have a proper job and yet I don't have time to hang out with the SAHMs.

I'm not sure anyone entirely believes that I'm working. One of my friends dropped by the other day when I was on a conference call and she was really shocked that I wasn't available for a chat :o

I'd love to be self-employed. Not in an 'it's easy' way, but in a 'working for yourself' way.

OP, I so could have written your thread!!!

I think (hope) school mums genuinely don't realise I work at home or might have forgotten. When I think about it, I am not entirely sure what all the other mothers do. I did remind someone once who rather impolitely told me that I wasn't as busy as her because SHE WORKED.

I guess there are pros and cons of each way of working and this is one of the cons.

I have to say, this thread has been making me feel better knowing I am not alone in working every minute my kids are asleep (apart from reading mumsnet!)

wilsonfrickett a nice business opportunity perhaps? A good second source of income!

I'm also a freelance copywriter. In all honesty I do love it most of the time but it can be pretty antisocial when it gets busy and I don't seem to do anything but work and ferry the DC around...

YES! I love being self employed butsonetimes long for a salary. Sick pay and paid holidays. I am fortunate that I can adjust my hrs to work only in term time but every tine there is a school holiday I have to pay catch up for two weeks after and two weeks before the next one!

Ds starts school in sept too and I have had lots of comments too!
Believe me I will soon fill the afternoons and may even get time to swim a few times a week! ( live in hope)

I enjoy the freedom of it, not having to ask anyone if I can take time off for assemblies etc. We run our own care agency and it is less impressive at Christmas, New Year, Easter, when everyone else is taking time off but, as we never actually close, I always end up being on duty. That is less fun. But we are just about to sell it, and I am going to do BUGGER ALL for a few months. Until we start again locally.... My mum always wants me to get rid of my cleaner, as I'm 'at home anyway'... I obviously just don't work hard enough.

Fleecy I'm on it!

Me too, although the worst culprit is my Dad. He thinks I'm a "lady of leisure" and asks why I need a cleaner.

(Freelance writer/lecturer.)

As an aside, what's the male equivalent for a 'lady of leisure'?

I think you can just say 'gentleman of leisure'.

Wilson round these parts it's 'gentleman farmer'.

OP I don't seem to get this much, probably because I look grey with exhaustion most of the time (freelance editor/proofreader).

Interesting post!! My DH is self employed and no one ever says that to him so why should they say it just because you are a self employed female!

I definitely think it's worse for women. People assume it's a pocket money job, to be slotted in around childcare commitments

My husband get this all the time, mainly from his parents. He runs his own business and visits clients, so works from home when not on the road. He has two grown up siblings and they both also live locally but he is the only one who is ever asked to water the garden when the go on holiday, and generally expected to be available at the drop of a hat any time of day (particularly Monday to Friday) becuase they don't think he has a 'proper job'.

I do find it a bit of a liberty. We are expecting our first child soon and I an anticipating invites to him to 'drop by' to have a break! Maybe we should move further away!

Rant over.

I'm a single parent so I think people are amazed that I can earn enough money sitting on my arse at home most of the time to support my family. But I do (freelance consultant/copywriter)

Just got back from a site visit (a domestic extension) and am about to start a drawing for some alterations to a high school for the summer holidays (i.e. start in 4 weeks time - no presure there then)!

On the way home I stopped at the village shop for some bread and I bumped into one of the mums from school who commented how "lovely"it must be to have a job with "such freedom" to come and go as I please!

If I were being generous I might assume she meant that an architect's day-to-day work allows such felixibility but I know she doesn't have a charitable bone in her body!

Painful isn't it Pendeen?

The trouble with site visits, which are essential in both our jobs, is that they take up so much time and mean you have to work longer hours just to catch up

I get this too :( It's very annoying.

My mum describes what I do as a 'little job', 'cause obviously if I'm not working 9-5 in an office for someone else's benefit then it can't be a real job I also get the requests to take in parcels/pick up prescriptions/go for coffee during the day from people who genuinely seem to believe I just sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for them to call.

I know it might seem churlish to be irritated by this but it took me over ten years to reach the point where I had the skills and experience to work for myself, so it's not as if I got up one morning and decided to do this on a whim.

Oh, and for people who are asking: I'm another freelance writer and editor working in quite a niche field.