Were you a bully/bullied at school and how do you feel about it now??

[BackToB4Beatrice]

So..... When I was at school (left 9 years ago) I was pretty badly bullied by this boy. God knows why, bit he was a right evil bastard (obviously that's what I felt at the time- obviously he was just a kid/teenager at the time, and could of had things going on in his own life), but I remember feeling sick at the though of having to have lessons with him, and actually sometimes skipped lessons and sat in the toilets .

Long story short, he is now living with another girl who was at our school. She would def remember his behaviour towards me. They have now had a baby, my cousin is very good friends with this girls sister, and I have seen this girl sporadically since finishing school (very small town), friends on Facebook, occasional message/photo comment etc

Now, under normal circumstances, I would prossibly visit the couple and their new baby (lots of mutual friends, probably wouldn't be an indervidual visit), and take a small gift.
But, I just cannot bear the thought of crossing paths with this boy/man, sitting in his house, cooing over his baby etc knowing all these dreadful things he said to me (was verbal bullying only), and the things he said to embarrass me.

I will probably, just meet up with the mother down the line, accompanied by mutual friends, when she's up and about. So that's not really the AIBU.

More AIBU and immature about this? I really want him to feel terrible about what he did/said. Is that wrong?

Oh, I don't know, just fancied some cried on the matter I guess!

I think I was probably a bully in my teens, however this is in retrospect.

At the time I really did not think I was being out of order at all.

Of course I was; I certainly do not deny that now.

I am a bloke and went to an all bloke's school.

I left school 30+ years ago, I have left comments on the Friends Reunited website to appologise.

I was bullied throughout primary, secondary, uni, work and even now by neighbours, reason being my disabilities make me an easy target.

The two worse bullies - one moved up north, another still lives local and when we see each other I still feel sick although she does nothing other than smirk really

Other bullies:
One of them tried to kill herself as she was being bullied! at university. She also came into my place of work for help (I wont say where I work though) and I was the one on duty. She didn't like that much lol but I was professional and did my job. She saw my mum a few days later (our parents were friends) and said I had been very nice. My mum was secretly amused!
Another bully - above bully's best friend - moved away, saw her about a month ago. She was soooo excited to see me . very interested in what I was doing now. She's unemployed and separated
2 more bullies - their kids go to the same nursery as my DD. One of the bullies is super dooper friendly. Wants my number so our DD's can meet up and play over summer. I'm a bit unsure about it. I dont hate her especially as she's been making an effort to be nice (but never apologised) it just still seems weird. Also from what DD tells me, her DD is very similar to her!
The other mum has a lovely wee boy but she never speaks to me. Even if we're in a group of mums and they get up and its just us two, nope, silence. But I can tell its embarrassment. I wont break the silence though. I'm quite happy with her being uncomfortable. If she started trying to be nice, then I might appreciate that, but I refuse to be the one making the effort.

It does affect your whole life though. I have no best friends. My social life is almost nil. I'm very wary about making friends and going on nights out.

Oh red!

Do you mind if i ask what your disabilities are? Its so awful to target someone like that.

I would probably avoid the domestic situation but you do have to see people eventually if you still live within the same community.

I too was bullied at school (and in fact moved school to get away). I had moved away for a number of years but now life and work in the city I grew up in and am a successful professional woman with heaps of friends and a really good life. I am an unashamed geek and University was my saving grace as I met lots of other folk with geeky tendencies who remain my long term friends.

Anyway wrt my bullies: one of the ringleaders was last spotted in the tax office shouting, screaming and swearing that if they didn't sort out her tax credits (or rebate) she couldn't feed her weans. The weans were with her and wailing away. She got removed by security.

An other one seen by me in a professional context. She recognised me and I didn't recognise her. She apologised and we had a fairly long chat about the circumstances of school. We now vaguely move in the same social circles so it wouldn't surprise me if she pops up at something. It will be fine I'm sure and tbh I didn't pity her trying to explain to her husband what a cow she had been at school as he was present and all agog at the conversation we were having. I was left feeling quite sorry for her as she had obviously been bothered about events at the time and afterwards but had been so insecure at that she HAD to do what her horrible friends were insisting. She would have been better of ditching her friends and joining my group of friends as those are the type of people she now socialises with. Is being academically able really so bad?

Third one (and the real baddy who I used to dread meeting in the corridor) I also saw in a professional context when her life was truly going down the pan. She didn't acknowledge who I was but tbh her life was in such a state that I just felt ever so slightly smug.

This probably makes me a horrible person but I lost so much sleep as a teenager over this and despite my confident exterior still causes me insecurities as an adult that I think I'm allowed to feel a little bit pleased that my life is working out so much better than theirs.

I was bullied at my primary school in that nasty, name-calling, excluded in the playground, make your life miserable way that little girls seem to specialise in. How do I cope? By knowing that they've all gone on to lead pretty crappy lives... :)

I was bullied by a whole class all the way through high school for reasons i still dont know due to this i missed most of the school year each year didnt sit my exams and now have no qualifications to my name, at 26 i have one friend who i see maybe twice a year, no social life at all and a long history of anxiety and depression, i dont know how to make friends or how to talk to people and i believe it all stems back to being bullied, i have since heard from a few of the bullies who have apologised but hey they have great lifes now and not a clue what they done to mine

There's some very sad stories on here.

My dh is a lovely lovely man. But when he was at school he used to be one of those always ready with a cutting remark. Harsh and witty. Just jokes you know . . . well no because they would have been jokes to him but probably were seen as bullying to those that were the target of it.

He always felt that he was quite harsh and a bit mean but didn't really know why (these days he feels terrible about it). It wasn't until he met me and i realised that his dad is always ready to jump on him or anyone with a nasty cutting remark disguised as a joke that he understood. He had never made the link.

I wonder if that is quite common, the way these bullys behave being a direct copy of the way they are treated at home.

In my dhs case he has low self esteem because of it and depression. He never tells his dad that though because he'd just be ridiculed

I was very badly bullied through primary and secondary school. It severely affected my mental health and self esteem and made it very hard for me to make friends and also to cope with the social aspect of uni. It took me until my 20s to deal with it. It still makes me a bit angry sometimes if I think too much about it but in general, I have moved on. The primary school bullying was generally forgotten about anyway - it was more the teenage stuff that had a lasting effect. There was a lot of 'petty' friendship group stuff - being 'left out' of things, not invited to parties, not let in on secrets, backstabbing, etc, and lots of typical mean teenager stuff - making fun of my appearance, my clothes, my accent, etc from the 'popular' kids.

One of the girls who really targeted me (physically as well as verbally) had a terrible home life for various reasons. She ended up getting expelled from school and ended up involved in drugs and crime, as did all her siblings. I know now what stuff she was going through back then and it does make me feel differently about it.

What upsets me is since leaving school I have got to know a few girls from my year that are absolutely lovely and I wish I'd have been friends with them at school rather than wasting time hanging round with a toxic bitch. Mind you, toxic bitch had convinced me no one really liked me but that she would always be there for me when in actual fact she was ramming the knife in me like crazy every single day.

I do struggle to make friends and I'm certain this is because of how things were at school for me, as I do often believe people won't like me, and also no one ever asked me to be their bridesmaid or anything because I was too involved in my toxic friendship to get very close to any of them at school. Toxic bitch didn't think twice about not even inviting me to her wedding though...

I was really badly bullied at school. A few years later the worst bully (a girl) moved in opposite my parents house with her parents and family. Their house looks like shit, they haven't painted it in 10 years, it's covered in weeds and has falling down walls and masonry. All their daughters are unmarried mothers and the fathers haven't bothered sticking around, they are completely pikey and fight with their boyfriends in the street chucking bottles at each other and screaming (this is in a really nice area), and the girl in question is hugely obese and has a crap job.

I love it frankly, makes me feel good every time I see the fat bitch and her pile of shit house.