Grandparents and nut allergies... (long post sorry)

[ishopthereforeiam]

DD is 18mo and has been diagnosed with a mild to moderate nut allergy (face, neck and chest gets red and blotchy, coughs, runny nose and sneezing) and we've bee told by hospital to avoid all nuts completely in the next 12 months. Have told both sets of dd's grandparents this and explained that although her reactions have been mild to date they could change to severe, tighten her throat, restrict her breathing and very very very worst case scenario cause death. Hence, we need to check all packaging of food to make sure no nuts.

MiL (2-3 weeks ago) had bought some co-op cookies (where you get 5-6 in a bag) and said there were no nuts. I was dubious (as I had bought similar ones from other stores and they all had nut warnings on) - she said she'd checked the ingredients so I said nothing (didn't want to overly challenge her but mentioned to DH) luckily DH said he wanted the packet, passed it to me and as I suspected there was a nut allergy warning. MiL was horrified that she could have done something so awful etc etc I said not to worry, we just need to be careful and showed her where the allergy warnings were and said even if not in the ingredients it may be produced in a factory with traces of nuts etc etc and cause cross contamination.

This weekend, DD already having a tough time as some corn flakes had kicked her reaction off. We gave her meds but she still had runny nose etc. Visiting MiL I explained alhtough she was certain DD had hayfever not allergic reaction. Then MiL takes DD off to the kitchen and says let me give you some cookies and starts to rummage around in the cupboard. I follow in and help to take the Cleberations box down for her... she has a a box full of odds and ends of half open packets of biscuits including some sealed Ginger Nuts and leftovers from Victorias biscuits etc. I say let's not give these to DD as other biscuits in the Celebrations box may have nuts in. Oh no, she says, pulling out a foil wrapped Victorias choccy biccy (who knows how old it was!?). I then proceed to explain, again, even if this is not a nutty biscuit it could still have traces of nuts from factory. No no no, I checked the tin, she says (tin is long gone as I suspect these biscuits have been in the box for a year plus). I leave the kitchen. She gives the biscuit to DD. DD remains runny nosed, watery eyed and sneezing for the rest of the day.

Get home - check online and lo and behold the Victorias tins do have a warning about nuts. Have written a factual email to both sets of grandparents stating why packaging needs checking (again, already told them this face to face), what the reactions are along with hospital guidance note.

I am seriously pissed off now as I don't get why she fibs about it (previously she has a history of fibbing about silly things, giving us DH / DSiL old clothes but pretending they are new - I would have taken them for sentimental value anyway. Making things and pretending she's bought them - again I think making things is a nice sentiment and no it's not because she is hard up for cash etc as she does buy things for dd too). Small fibs I don't mind but this could have caused dd harm.

AIBU??

what there have always been people who have been allergic to nuts, in fact the number of allergic people has not gone up at all over the years according to our consultant. What is different is the way food is manufactured these days. So back when everything was cooked from scratch people were probably only exposed to nuts once a year at Christmas if they were lucky so they wouldn't actually ever have a reaction.

WRT allergies in the US - lots of allergic people and we found it very easy as most restaurants had separate menus for allergic people. Maybe you just didn't know anyone with nut allergies?

You are much more likely to be nut allergic if you have a strong family history of hay fever interestingly.

Also there's a reasonable amount of suspicion that a lot of the kids who died 'from choking on nuts' 30, 40, 50, 60 years ago probably had an anaphylactic shock. If you think about it given that allergies were not as widely understood a child who went blue, struggled for breath and then died would probably be assumed to have 'choked' when in fact they may well have had a catastrophic allergic reaction.

It is true that there is a lower incidence of nut allergy in some parts of the world (eg Africa). Observance of this was one of the factors in developing the hypothesis behind the current desensitisation trial being run in the UK.

I'm allergic to milk and I've had colleagues tell me I need to have a little bit everyday to build resistance, I didn't have the allergy till I was 28, it's not like I've never eaten milk.

I aggree a lot of people would only have got nuts at Xmas years ago.

The issue with allergies is that you have too much resistance not too little.

I've had restaurants put milk products in my food as they didn't believe my allergy was genuine. Crosses Dart Marina off my list of places to eat on hol.

Acekicker - that's really interesting about the choking from nuts.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked at some of these stories about GPs who didn't "believe" in allergies and their grandchildren ended up in hospital with anaphylactic shock. Why would you take that risk? Why?

I remember reading that, Acekicker. Certainly my parents both knew children who died from "choking" on nuts, and I do find that generation to be incredibly careful about children and food in that respect hence over-reliance on purees and driving me insane worrying when I gave my older babies real food.

WRT allergies in the US - lots of allergic people and we found it very easy as most restaurants had separate menus for allergic people. Maybe you just didn't know anyone with nut allergies?

No, US was worse than UK, more kids seemed to have allergies than not at DC's schools. EU and SA was hardly any. I think US and UK have laxer food standards, that may be part of it?

Thanks cutegorilla some good advice, really helpful!

headfirst it's delicate ground as just after dd was born the relationship with inlaws became quite strained (as they wouldn't listen to what I said(!) about most things and although they love dd to bits and get very over excited by her this is sometimes at dd's expense e.g. pushing pram in street not really looking where they are going as too busy running alongside and then stopping in the road so cars have to drive around them)...

FiL's email " we all will do it (take precautionary measures) also as they get older and especially stronger either they grow out of it or ability to tolerate as they get stronger" I did reply saying unlikely she will grow out of it but we live in hope but the but about tolerating made me worried as I know what mil is like and can imagine her trying to build up some sort of resistance by feeding bits of nuts. I still don't think they get that this is not the same as the dust allergy their daughter had as a baby (although have told dh he needs to sit them down and explain it in terms of worst case secnario dd could die). MiL hasn't replied to the email I sent stating what dd can / can't have but have told dh to talk to her...

I really don't feel comfortable leaving dd when I go in for the c/s and have asked dh to ask sil (who is more sensible!) to make sure she is around along with PiL to watch dd but he thinks I am overreacting and that his parents have got the message already.

I would have been more lenient with the "may have been produced in a factory which has nuts" labels but those were the ones on the cereal and biscuit she had on Sun and it still caused a (albeit mild) reaction so for now will go hardline and avoid everything for her so hopefully over the next year she will be in the 10% that can outgrow these allergies.

Have lurked-what a shame for you to have this unnecessary anxiety. I suppose the way to 'sell' it to PIL is vigilance now gives your DD the best chance of fewer or no problems later.

My family background is part West African and nut allergy, so far as we know, is vanishingly rare there (peanuts feature very heavily in the diet) so the question of what causes the level of allergy to differ in different countries is one I find interesting.

Unfortuately, the fact that increased diagnosis and awareness is so recent seems to be leading some people to feel they can discard diagnoses/experiment themselves.

you have my sympathies. in my experience never trust what anyeone says with regard to how safe something is or isn't, however well meaning they may be. noone understands the allergy (food) thing the way the mother of a child who has it does. my parents never got it, even now (dd is 9) they make mistakes (buy something thinking it is fine, show me and it isn't). safest way of dealing with it (for me) has always been to make sure that when i take dd anywhere i always have choclate/biscuits etc with me so that she is safe. it is very rare that i would ever let her have a biscuit from someone else, not unless it is individually packaged (not loose in a tin) etc (and that i have read the ingredients). at the end of the day, your childs safety is more important than upsetting a well meaning other....

YANBU to keep telling your MIL to not give DD food with nuts in. However most foods now have a warning that there may be traces of nut as it was produced in a factory where nuts may have been used, My 20 year old nephew has a nut allergy and when he was younger I would make sure I didn't have stuff with nut allergy warnings on, My SIL told me not to worry about the warnings ( unless of cause Rhee were actual nuts in it) as manufacturers put it on to cover themselves.

Yanbu to be upset about PILs' slapdash attitude. In future I would definitely provide a safe box of snacks for her to have there.

However... DS1 has peanut allergy (amongst others) but not anaphylaxis, I do not avoid products which say 'May contain traces of nuts' because I think it is a very small risk compared with the huge impact it would have on DS1's life to be so restricted in what he can eat. I do always carry Piriton with me just in case.

I wonder whether a letter from dietician etc would help. Ours has been fab over the years, and I don't think she would have a problem with that. You also need to make sure that they are very aware of what to do if she has a problem. Our sure start centre runs a paediatric first aid course, something like that would be ideal, for you and GP so that they are prepared should anything happen. It might not just be at home, but out in a restaurant etc. As she gets older she will be able to reach more things so probably good just in case she ever did and maybe the trainer will talk some sense into MIL esp if subtly warned about it what caring grandparent could possibly think that knowing how to do first aid on an at risk grandchild would be a bad idea. Good luck selling it to them

For milk intollerance mine have grown out of it largely, but the most successful is ds who had none, not even traces from my milk from eating bread with milk in. A PITA but worth it for a healthy child. They may be confusing building tollerance with gradual reintroduction, which is what we have had to do, and of course mine were intollerant, not allergic.

It is interesting about the choking on nuts theory, as I am sure that 30 or 40 plus years ago dd2 would have been classed as failure to thrive, and may or may not have made it, especially if she had been born 100 years earlier, am doubtful she would have made it to 1, as indeed many children around the world still don't today for a myriad of reasons. She was so bad that was tested for cystic fibrosis. Ds was lucky as we were more aware of the signs and he was completely dairy and soy free from week 2. As it was with a bit of history of dairy intollerance from slightly less affected family members, and the wonders of google (realising that soy was also a factor along with many other foods) and modern medicine she is fine, and even begining to grow a bit.

We also used to be more relaxed about the there may be traces as produced in factory warnings but these seem to be the products that caused the reaction at the weekend.

Dsil said she'll look after dd with pil when I go in for c/s so feel much more at ease now.