to wish that people would react more honestly?

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

I am quite overweight (currently a size 20-22) and would definitely like to lose some weight. I'm working on it! I'm not particularly ashamed of talking about my weight/the way I look, and I'm the first to admit that I'm too big. I just find it (irrationally?) annoying when I say something like "my arse looks huge in these jeans, it'll probably look better when I've lost eight stone or so" and everyone around me leaps in with "don't be silly, you're not fat, blah blah blah blah". Which I clearly am.. I don't care if they say, "yes it does actually, stop eating so much chocolate" because it's true. I can handle the truth when it comes to this, I don't need protecting or anything! It just seems ridiculous when they're almost trying to convince me that I'm not too big when it's obviously not the case.

I know it's trivial but AIBU to wish that they'd just agree with me that I am a lardybum and I should stop eating so many pies?

People probably dont want to hurt your feelings that is all don't be too hard on them when you do lose weight they will be the ones telling you you look fabulous

Then why discuss your weight with them at all?

There's nothing more boring that people banging on about their weight imo and yes they are normally fishing for compliments or lies.

If you feel you're a lardybum and should stop eating so many pies, that's your business.

I'm sure they'd appreciate it if you kept them out of it.

Yes dont mention it at all if you're not liking their answers

Most people would consider it really rude to say 'yes you are fat' particularly if it's a friend, you don't want to hurt their feelings. A friend of mine is overweight, knows she's overweight & we don't ever discuss it unless she tells me she's lost weight & I say congrats.

Cassettetape Maybe that's it then? Maybe they think I'll be hurt if they actually do agree with me?

Worra and Gumby I don't just talk about my weight all the time, that'd be boring.. I'm talking about off-hand remarks about jeans being too tight or something, or having had too much to eat at dinner. Just making conversation type things, you know?

*conversation making (I'm not Yoda, honest)

YANBU - I think often when people complain about their weight they want to express their feelings and would like those feelings acknowledged rather than glossed over.

YANBU, I don't moan about my weight much, but if I do go over my comfort zone I might mention it in a context like: yeah I like that dress, but I wouldn't be comfortable in it till I get back to x size

its really patronising when people go NOOOOOOOO you're NOT FAT blah blah blah at a time when I am quite obviously the heaviest they've ever known me

I mean, they can be NICE without LYING! they could say "oh I think it would look nice on you now' or something, but "NOOO you're SOOOO thin" when I can't see my toes is a ridiculous thing to say!

But why make conversation about your weight if you know it's going to provoke those sort of answers?

Honestly, I'm quite sure if you surveyed 100 people and asked them if they feel awkward, when an overweight person says something like "My arse looks huge in these jeans"...at least 90% would say yes.

Because I suspect you are in a tiny minority if you honestly don't mind people saying things like that. Whatever 'front' people put on, it is very hurtful and upsetting for most people.

but if its a friend, you know if they are generally okay with their weight or if they're happier a bit thinner

I know my best friend always felt fat if she was creaping up near a 10-12 as she was normally an 8, so if she had a moan saying her 10s were getting tight I'ld go along with it because its the same as me saying my 14s are tight, likewise she knew that I feel too thin below a 12 so she'ld let me moan and we both understand what it is like to be outside our own personal "happy weight" even when our personal happy weights were quite different

I don't see why you cant relate to someone who is bigger than you when they are talking about being or not being a weight that's comfortable for them, surely we ALL understand that no matter how slim or big we are?

I think there is a difference between your example and monkeymama's

In your example I would feel awkward because there are 3 possible responses - the one that annoys you

• hell yeah! get on that diet!! (which is just plain rude)

or -embarrassed silence and mumbled agreement

At least in monkeymammas example there is a diplomatic get out of 'i agree it doesn't suit you but that one over there looks like it would'

I feel awkward when anyone mentions their weight - regardless of size. People who are comfortable with their weight don't normally raise it out of a specific contest where it is necessary (such as, i don't think these jeans suit me). So that opens a minefield because I don't want to add to their anxieties

Yanbu. They should say 'your arse doesn't look massive, it is massive. Stop eating or stop moaning'. That's a much more sociable answer.

I think there is a difference if a friend says does this suit me or my arse are huge in these jeans
Its like if you go with somebody buying clothes i think i would be honest but if somebody is commenting on weight i usually say you look fine , Its really so you don't make them feel any worse than they probably do.
I lost too much weight a few years ago i was ill and looked awful i knew i looked awful but if somebody said to me you look really scrawny I would have been hurt ,

My mates always talk me clothes shopping because they love my honesty.

One of my mates went with her Mum and future MIL and chose her wedding dress...then decided a week later she wanted my opinion.

She ended up with a different colour, a totally different style and a different veil too

But people who go on about their weight, don't get an answer from me unless they're asking me a specific question.

YABU.

Most people who say things like 'Gosh, I look really fat' get upset when people agree with them. Even when they say 'Go on, be honest', they'll still get upset.

It's unfair to expect your friends to know that you're the 1 person in 100 who really, truly, wants honesty.

Don't talk about yourself in such a degrading way.
Also not everyone thinks that being fat means being ugly, some people think fat people are as attractive as thin people. Just because you don't like your body it doesn't mean others think the same.

YABU. I think it is always awkward when someone clearly fat starts making comments like yours about "I'll look better when I lose 8 stone" as the person responding hardly know what to say without being rude (most people find your desired honest answer rude) or clearly lying, so it is better if you just don't make these comments tbh!

i have a problem with other peoples weight.

you look fine to me. dont ask me if you look fat, id either have to lie or risk upsetting you by telling the truth.

But if i tell you that you are looking well, or that i think you have lost weight, then thats what you look like to me.

TBH though, i dont notice

It seems wrong to me that an overweight person is effectively banned from talking about their weight because it makes other people feel awkward.

YABU

If you don't want people to comment, don't say anything.

its doesnt make me feel awkward

yo can talk about what you like,
but dont moan about the responses you get when this is an emotive subject

It seems wrong to me that an overweight person is effectively banned from talking about their weight because it makes other people feel awkward.

They're not 'banned' from it but apart from the fact it's boring...the OP doesn't like the responses she gets, so why talk about it at all?