To be really irritated with DH for refusing to go out for a Father's Day lunch?

[resipsa]

He says our DD "always cries" when we're out - doh, she's 17 months, they do that - so HE doesn't enjoy it. It's all about him, of course. Yes, DD cries every now and then but she loves going out for food. Is he a selfish pig or AIBU?
PS It was originally his idea to go and he's only just told me to cancel the booking!

Yes, DD cries every now and then but she loves going out for food. Is he a selfish pig or AIBU?

A fraught unchtime spent dealing with a screaming infant in a public place isn't my idea of a treat.

I'm sure all your fellow diners whose meals have been ruined by your child crying non-stop will have comforted to know your infant is a gastronome, who really enjoys eating out.

Under the circumstances I don't think he is being unreasonable. If your DD always cries when you go out to eat there doesn't seem to be a lot of point in taking her. And I do agree folk should have a bit of consideration for other people. I didn't enjoy listening to my screaming toddler so can't think other people would either.

Wow, you're all so very reasonable! Suffice to say the alternative to the lunch was not a soft play centre or other "nice" family offering. He's asleep on the sofa while I do the chores. Hey ho!

He's asleep on the sofa while I do the chores. Hey ho!

To be fair, I'd have killed for a mothers day asleep on the sofa

And I suppose the OP missed the point. She doesn't really cry at all, certainly not enough to ruin a meal for anyone else. He uses the crying as an excuse not to do anything with her. Note to self: don't post here again.

Actually I am going against the tide cos I think he is being a bit unreasonable although I would cut him some slack as it is supposed to be his treat. It was originally his idea to go and only just asked the OP to cancel the booking (time of OP 11.25), did he suggest an alternative?
As an aside I think some of the "whinging toddler" and "screaming infant" remarks are a bit strong. The OP staes that DH says DD "always cries" but there is nothing to say that her constant screaming will ruin fellow diners meals as other posters have implied.

As usual my slow typing has made me miss sveral posts so you all moved on without me !

I think YANBU actually. If it was his idea initially and he only said this morning that he didn't want to go, then he ought to have had a good replacement idea. I'd be annoyed too! Can you agree to have a nice family day out next weekend instead?

He uses the crying as an excuse not to do anything with her

If you had said that in your OP then the response would have been different. As it was it sounded like you were calling him selfish for not doing what you wanted to do on Fathers Day!

How often does he spend one on one time with her? Bath her? Read her a story etc? Does he actively avoid spending time with her?

Note to self: don't post here again. translated as nobody is backing up me being totally unreasonable so i am going to go off in a huff

Nope, note to self was insight; if you have to ask the question here, you're probably being unreasonable!

In two minds about this one. I'd say you are both BU. Him for not engaging with DD and using crying as an excuse, and for not suggesting an alternative.
You for implying that he should do what you want on Fathers Day, and for berating him for sleeping whilst you do the chores. Don't do the chores then!

I love these threads.

"Am I being unreasonable?" - "Yes"

Flounce

Oh blimey!

Dont have a strop because you didnt put enough info in your OP for people to understand your issue!

It sounds like the issue isnt actually about lunch today but his attitude to your DD in general, which is why I asked the questions above.

Does he normally enjoy spending time as a family? IMHO the more you eat out with babies/toddlers, the sooner they get used to it and the better they behave!

It's all about him, of course. Yes, DD cries every now and then but she loves going out for food. Is he a selfish pig or AIBU?

I'm sorry but I honestly laughed out loud so hard that I took a choking fit

Of course it's about him!

Your DD is far too young to understand what Father's Day is all about so if you choose to celebrate it on behalf of her, you're going to have to listen to what your DH actually wants.

Anyway, if you really want to do something nice why not cook him his favourite meal or make a fuss in some other way that involves a bit of effort?

YANBU but maybe a little unrealistic. I can see your dh's point.
Me and dh have basically decided, after 8 years of parenthood, that going out with the dcs for lunch isn't worth the money given the aggravation.

Sorry OP - crosspost.

To be fair. DS (19 months) can be a bit whiney if we go out for a leisurely lunch and he gets bored so we either do one course lunches or don't go out.

I love eating out so I'm hoping he improves with age (or I learn to keep him amused better)

Still time for a family stroll and an afternoon snack.

In our house fathers' day (and mothers' day) does not = "one person dictating what we do for the whole day regardless of others' feelings". Or indeed "one person sleeping while the other does all the cooking/chores". We find something nice to do together because we actually enjoy spending time as a family. Often that includes eating out (since the DC were babies) as we all love food!

If one of us decided at the last-minute to cancel an outing without suggesting a better alternative, the other would quite rightly feel pissed off.

And yes if he was worried about the crying why not say "let's grab a sandwich at a cafe then go feed the ducks" or whatever.

YANBU

He's being a miserabe git.

If it was earlier I'd suggest giving a single friend a call and going and doing something nice with them; let the stroppy fecker snooze on the sofa in front of Speed II.

YABU. It's his day and it's not very relaxing going out with a crying toddler. Your DD is 17 months she won't care where she eats lunch.

i think as mums we enjoy mothers day so guess every dads got to have his leave him get on with it whilst doing whatever he wants it gives u peace sounds like its needed.

If you get to do the same on Mothers day (napping whilst he does the chores) then you shouldn't moan at him, but if he doesn't get your toddler to jump on him next time

'as mums we enjoy mothers day'

well, sort of - I don't really enjoy it that much tbh, apart from not having to do the chores. Obviously he feels the same.

It's a brutal fact that a parent can be a good parent overall despite having been titanically useless during certain stages of their child's life. It's very hard on the other parent involved though.

If I were you, I would leave him a (nice) note, go and see either your own father or his father, perhaps have a little break at least for the length of a cup of tea while they make a fuss of dd, and head back home with fish and chips and a couple of beers to spend a nice evening after the kid's in bed.