AIBU to be upset that she called my unborn baby an alien?

[Expectantmum2b]

Im getting married in 2 weeks, im 5 months pregnant, this is my first pregnancy, im almost 25 years old. My "DH" children aged 10 (boy) and aged 8 (girl) come to our house every saturday for the day.

Contact with their mother is never nice or on friendly terms. Ive never met this woman (seen her briefly once from a distance). She is also pregnant (one week ahead of me). We are both having girls.

The children came today and "DSD" said that her mother was always saying very naughty things about me, and that when she told her mum we were having a girl, her mother said, "It's not a baby, its an alien!"

DSD then continued to tell me that she argued with her mum saying that it was a baby not an alien but her mother kept saying back that it was an alien.

Also DSD has continually asked DH who he prefers best, me or her and her brother!

I believe that something has been said to her at home to make her think this. We did our best to explain that he doesnt prefer either of us over each other etc.

DSD also mentioned that DSS laughs alot when there mother says horrible things about me. (I was hurt by this) DSS denied this but DSD was adamant she was telling the truth.

I ve mentioned to DH that im really upset that their mum has called our baby an alien and that i wouldnt NEVER call her unborn baby that or say anything bad about her in earshot of her children.

DH said he thinks shes bitter and jealous as she wants the children to prefer her baby over ours and thats what shes trying to do. Their mother is 27years old (pregnant with her 4th child) and living with the father to her unborn baby.

DH and her were never married.

I feel so upset by whats been said today (i almost feel like crying) but DH has said its best not to retaliate as that makes u the better adult in the situation.

One nice thing DSD said was that "I dont like it when mum calls u, as its not very nice"

"she never calls dad, just you"

Am i being unreasonable for letting this get to me, i cant get it out of my head. Im mostly upset by the alien comment, and that my step son laughs when his mother calls me. Maybe im over reacting cos of my hormones?

I do feel sorry for the children too, My DH does believe now that you should always think about who your having kids with, as your stuck with them, and that he was stupid at the time, as because of the age of their mother and the relationship was very rocky at the time, it was not good to bring children into that. But its done now, and its one of those bad situations where you have to make the best of it.

I know that it's hard, but please try and ignore her, she is being very childish and jealous. Please don't take personally what the children say or do, they are only children and of course heavily influenced by their mother. There are a lot of excellent suggestions on here

There is no situation or stress level that would result in me threatening to hurt my children so deeply. No excuse.

Based solely on what you have posted, I think your DH is a twat.

Good luck.

OP, be careful here. Your DH has not shown himself in a great light thus far. You are excusing his behaviour. I think you need to tell him exactly how you expect him to behave since he can't. If he decides to treat you like this in the future, he will be fully warned as to how you want to be treated by how you and he treat his ex. Be a grown up about this, don't act rashly. Think of these poor kids.

Once again...those poor, poor children. My heart goes out to them totally and I only hope that one of the adults involved in their care realises that THEIR needs must come first.

Those poor children :(

I actually feel a little for the ex - 16 & in a relationship with a 24 yr old who didn't care enough about her to use precautions? Ew, ew ewwwww

And as for the threat to not see them until they're older? FGS, what a wankspanner!

Again, poor children, no wonder they feel insecure.

You may not believe him to be a bastard, immature or childish, but written down in black & white you're really not showing him in a good light here, OP.

And I am always suspicious of men who insist on telling their friends/gfs/OHs what their friends/enemies have said about them. Why do that unless he wants to stir? He could have deleted the texts and told her to stop it. Instead he shows you and gets you all stirred up?

Lovecat, you have said what I am thinking too in that although I am so sad for the children, I also feel a little sad for their mother...their mother who has
NOT threatened to abandon them until they are older.

Also, why the extra info about the ex and her past? This isn't Jeremy Kyle, with the DNA tests and all... what matters is how all 3 of you behave to one another so that those children don't get caught in the middle of your squabbles.

Don't try and paint another woman as unstable/promiscuous/'bad' to gain sympathy for yourself, it's got nothing to do with that

that = current situation. Sorry. Got so grr about the whole thing that I lost the thread of the sentence!

My niece's much older partner likes to pass on the vile messages his ex writes about our beautiful girl and her perfect baby, really nasty shit.

He is slowly destroying her and it is so fucking frustrating. He loves it, he loves playing them off against each other.

I told her the last time we chatted that ex's rarely get crazy on their own and to question what HE was getting out of showing her this shit.

*Yes their grandmother did turn up with the children, knowing full well the children had never met me before and i was there, and my car was on the drive.

It was stressful as i was in the bed when she came in the flat with the kids and one of the kids walked straight in, was very uncomfortable and embarassing, and i was very shocked that their mother would want that for her children. Their mother was sat in the car outside.*

Why did grandma do this? What was she shouting as she did this?

In my experience what generally happens with emotionally fucked up children is that they grow into emotionally fucked up teenagers.

That's often when the RP cannot cope and they end up being sent to live with the NRP.

So you and your DH need to be very careful because whatever you reap now, you are very likely to sow later on.

You could actually be the only adult in all of this...the only one out of the whole sorry lot of them to put the kids first, if you choose to of course.

TBH I couldn't get past the fact that a 24 year old got a 16 year old pregnant. The whole sorry tale sounds like something from Jeremy Kyle.

'my DH is doing his best to try and accomidate us all'

'some of it was that he would never be able to settle down or get married, if the ex was "scaring" partners off.'

I think your DH was only thinking of himself.

An ex shouldn't be able to control the future of someones relationship, but choosing to threaten her with their children is not something most parents would ever consider privately, let alone saying it out loud.

Normally I would agree and say don't judge to quickly, but here...if the facts are as you have said, its actually very easy to judge.
Your now partner, when 24 and a grown man, knocked up a young teenager (twice), and only now in his thirties realises you should be careful who you have children with? It's no surprise you are also so much younger than him. Why are you defending him and saying he is excused because of his age? She was barely legal!

And really "she called my baby an alien, I'm so upset"? You need to do some growing up yourself. Who cares if she did?