AIBU to be upset that she called my unborn baby an alien?

[Expectantmum2b]

Im getting married in 2 weeks, im 5 months pregnant, this is my first pregnancy, im almost 25 years old. My "DH" children aged 10 (boy) and aged 8 (girl) come to our house every saturday for the day.

Contact with their mother is never nice or on friendly terms. Ive never met this woman (seen her briefly once from a distance). She is also pregnant (one week ahead of me). We are both having girls.

The children came today and "DSD" said that her mother was always saying very naughty things about me, and that when she told her mum we were having a girl, her mother said, "It's not a baby, its an alien!"

DSD then continued to tell me that she argued with her mum saying that it was a baby not an alien but her mother kept saying back that it was an alien.

Also DSD has continually asked DH who he prefers best, me or her and her brother!

I believe that something has been said to her at home to make her think this. We did our best to explain that he doesnt prefer either of us over each other etc.

DSD also mentioned that DSS laughs alot when there mother says horrible things about me. (I was hurt by this) DSS denied this but DSD was adamant she was telling the truth.

I ve mentioned to DH that im really upset that their mum has called our baby an alien and that i wouldnt NEVER call her unborn baby that or say anything bad about her in earshot of her children.

DH said he thinks shes bitter and jealous as she wants the children to prefer her baby over ours and thats what shes trying to do. Their mother is 27years old (pregnant with her 4th child) and living with the father to her unborn baby.

DH and her were never married.

I feel so upset by whats been said today (i almost feel like crying) but DH has said its best not to retaliate as that makes u the better adult in the situation.

One nice thing DSD said was that "I dont like it when mum calls u, as its not very nice"

"she never calls dad, just you"

Am i being unreasonable for letting this get to me, i cant get it out of my head. Im mostly upset by the alien comment, and that my step son laughs when his mother calls me. Maybe im over reacting cos of my hormones?

She has 3 children
2 are your DH's.
Her unborn child is her new partner's.

Who is the father of the 3rd child.

hi all thanks or ur comments,

I do know that what DSD is saying is true as when i first met my DH, the mother was calling me allsorts through texts, which were shown to me. So she had already presummed things about me, and that was before the kids had even met me!

Her third child whos 4 was the result of a fling she had behind DH back, That child was DNA tested twice when he was born by two different potential fathers (my DH wasnt DNA tested as apparently there was no way it could of been his). Anyway father was identified, but didnt want to know.

My husband is 34, so abit older than me, and has had years of unreasonable behaviour from her, so hes learnt to ignore her. Me on the other hand can be quite highly strung sometimes and therefore i really struggle to try to ignore the comments by me.

Me and DH had a row afew months back as she was constantly slagging me off in texts she was sending, and i told DH that i was sick of the hassle of her, and i got very very tearful and threatned to walk out on him if this wasnt resolved (i know it wasnt his fault what she was sending). He then rang her up and very firmly told her that if she continued this behaviour, then he would have no choice but to see the children when they are older, and he will explain to them why when they are older.

Anyway she said she was sorry to him and promised that any further communication would be civil. She has stuck to this, sort of, afew digs here and there, but nothing like she was.

I dont feel too bad about the comments this morning, as i ve slept on it.

If she had told the children that her own baby was an alien too, then i wouldnt be offended, but she purposely said hers was a baby, ours was an alien :-(

He then rang her up and very firmly told her that if she continued this behaviour, then he would have no choice but to see the children when they are older, and he will explain to them why when they are older.

At 24 he knocked up a 16 year old, had two children with her, didn't marry her.

Here he is 10 years later still acting like a prick. You don't use contact with children as a bargaining tool.

You threaten to walk out because of a few texts?

If she was sending the texts to you, why didn't you deal with it?

If she was sending text to your DH why is he passing them on to you.

You all sound immature.

DSD has mentioned afew times that when she tries to talk about me and her dad whilst at her mums, her mums response is
"Blah, blah, shut up, i do not want to know!"

Its such a shame that the children cant talk about general stuff, and feel like they have to watch what they are saying. Makes me cross :-(

The best thing i can do is grim and bear it.

Totempole

It was alot more than afew texts, but thats not the issue here, thats why i havent gone into it too much. But it is very stressful and quite depressing when your in that situation.

She hasnt got my number, so the texts were sent to DH. He shows them to me as he doesnt like to keep secrets and says he shares everything with me, he doesnt want to hide anything.

He threatened to walk away from the children until they're older?

You all need to grow up, and the husband to be needs to stop showing you the texts where she slags you off, there's no need for you to see them.

Have I read that right? Your DH threatened to stop seeing his children because their mother was being unpleasant to you?

That is terrible, and assuming she told the kids it's no wonder your DSD is insecure about ther dad prefering you to her!

IME the best thing to do is accept that their DM is going to bad mouth you if that's what she is like, and just focus on being a great DSM to prove her wrong. Kids aren't daft, they will work it out for themselves in time.

And watch your back, your DH is clearly not the great dad you think he is.

Yanbu to be upset. However I don't feel bad for you, you are an adult and will no doubt get over it. I do feel bad for the poor children caught in between this bullshit. Your DP was so, so wrong threatening not to see his children.

Their mother and your DH sound as immature as each other except he is older than her and threatened to have no contact with his kids because of something she said to you? Sorry but he doesn't sound like a nice person at all.

It was alot more than afew texts, but thats not the issue here, thats why i havent gone into it too much. But it is very stressful and quite depressing when your in that situation.

I think that's very much the issue here.

Your DSD is probably hurting like hell that her Dad threatened to walk out of her life and effectively choose his new Wife over her and her brother.

It sounds as though she's pushing the boundaries with all the tales she's telling about her Mum, to see if he's actually going to do it.

Poor kids. Please don't ever feel as though your baby is more important than the children he already has or that you can 'replace' them in some way

Agree with the other posters that your DHs behaviour using his children like that is more than just shabby.

No wonder they're insecure if he'd give them up at the drop of a hat.

It was alot more than afew texts, but thats not the issue here, thats why i havent gone into it too much. But it is very stressful and quite depressing when your in that situation.

You said in your OP that you've never met her. What else did she do other than send texts?

I think DH was just under alot of pressure with it at the time, and didnt know what to do for the best in the situation.

And i think some of it was that he would never be able to settle down or get married, if the ex was "scaring" partners off. And you cant have your ex having an effect on your future.

Change your phone number.
As I said before, poor children.
Their lives are being fucked up by the adults who are supposed to care for them and bring them up with love and security. barely into double figures and already familiar with headgames, manipulation, threats of abandonment and rejection and having to work out WTF the adults in their lives want from them.
Two more candidates on the way.

Totem
Her parents trying to start fights with DH, her mother barging into his flat that he lived in at the time with the kids, when he wasnt suppose to have them until later, shouting her mouth off etc, i never saw her, i was in bed

I think you are being oversensitive about the "alien" comments, but I suppose you're (both) hormonal so not thinking clearly. Do not give the woman that much power, what she thinks of your baby is so totally not important. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Work on your own relationship with your husband's children.

adventures i do agree with you there

Physical fights?

Her mother(their grandmother) turned up with your DH's children?

Why did she do that? What was she shouting at him?

If you were in bed how was it stressful for you?

No amount of stress could ever excuse using your children to threaten an ex to behave herself.

It is fucked up of your DH to threaten to not see his children, for any reason.

Also a 24 year old getting at 16 year old pregnant? Yuck.

I will eat my hat if any of these poor children manage to come out of third mess without serious issues.

Be careful OP it might be your child he threatens to toss aside next.

No not physical fights, but almost. Yes their grandmother did turn up with the children, knowing full well the children had never met me before and i was there, and my car was on the drive.

It was stressful as i was in the bed when she came in the flat with the kids and one of the kids walked straight in, was very uncomfortable and embarassing, and i was very shocked that their mother would want that for her children. Their mother was sat in the car outside.

have to agree with Totem, you've got yourself a peach there, haven't you? She sent you a few nasty texts and he's threatening not to see his own children anymore? And you didn't say "grow up you stupid bastard"?

Its very easy to judge by reading a situation, rather than being in the situation or seeing it for yourself. I do believe that my DH was just in a prediciment were he didnt know what to do. I do not believe hes a bastard, immature or childish etc.

All my family who know the situation fully, feel that my DH is doing his best to try and accomidate us all, were everyone is happy, and that hes a decent guy, and i would be very silly to walk away from him. Something i have no intention of.

I am sorry that you are having a stressful time, but I have to say I am far more sorry for those poor children.

Did I read it correctly that their father threatened their mother that he would not see them until they are older? My personal view is that is unforgivable. No wonder the poor little things feel so insecure.

I also feel sorry that you felt angry with the little boy for laughing along with his mum. The same little boy whose father threatened not to see?

Can I ask - is there anyone in their complex little lives who actually puts these children first?

I wish you well with your new baby.

I wouldn't even contemplate having a baby with a man who could walk away from his existing children so easily.