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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fair Fish

48 replies

gobbledegook1 · 16/06/2012 21:13

My sister works all day Saturday 10am - about 6/7pm and leaves her DS (13) home (or out and about with a key) as he won't go to his dad's with his sisters.

Today was the local fair. DN went out this morning whilst his mum was at work and won himself a fish knowing full well his Mum wouldn't be home until at least 6pm and that he had nothing in which to keep/put it.

DN then turned up on my Mum's (his GM) doorstep shortly before we were due to go out and dumped the bagged fish with her as he's got nothing to put it in and wants to go back out with his mates. My mum then turns up on my doorstep with said fish saying DN has dumped the fish with her and she's got nothing to put it in and my sister is probably not going to want a fish and hit the roof so can I deal with it. I had nothing to put it in either but knew it would die if left it for hours in a tiny bag with little water, so I put some water in a small bowl and emptied it out in the hope it would be ok for a bit as I was off out with my Mum.

Whilst I was out I bought the fish a tank (fish bowl) and some food, came back set it up and put gravel in and added fish.

My DS (3) has got a bit attached and has named it and been sat talking to it all evening.

At 8pm (7 hours after dumping it) DN turns up saying he wants his fish. I told him we are keeping the fish since he didn't care enough to sort it out himself this afternoon and it has cost me money to both keep it alive and in decent conditions and DS has become attached and since it is now in a tank and not the bag he left it in (and would have died in) he has no way of carrying it home. He got really upset and ran home crying and now I don't know if I have been a bit mean.

So I want to know WIBU to tell him that he is not having the fish back?

OP posts:
pjmama · 16/06/2012 21:21

Would he have had any way of getting and setting up a tank before his mum got home? If not, what choices did he have?

Maybe you could tell him if he gets a tank and gets it set up, you'll buy him another fish - assuming his mum agrees of course.

pjmama · 16/06/2012 21:22

Pisses me off that they still give fish as prizes btw - good on you for making sure it didn't die in the bag like most probably do.

squeakytoy · 16/06/2012 21:23

I thought it was now illegal to sell live creatures at fairs. I could be wrong unfortunately. :(

FringeEvent · 16/06/2012 21:23

Your DN clearly isn't responsible enough to look after a pet, so no, YANBU

TastesLikePanda · 16/06/2012 21:24

Meh - keep the fish. Teach him a lesson about pet responsiblilty.

Btw - where was this fair held? The 1950s? Hmm What kind of fair gives out fish as a prize these days? I thought it had been outlawed?!

TastesLikePanda · 16/06/2012 21:24

Oops, X posts with many peoples...

WorraLiberty · 16/06/2012 21:26

If I remember rightly I think the whole 'fish' thing at fairs is down to the local councils and what they find acceptable (should the fair be on council land?)

I think YABU though because you could have kept the fish in the bowl until you or your DN spoke to your Sister.

It's not like your DN bought the fish...he won it and that's not his fault.

It's also not his fault that his Mum was at work all day and he didn't know what to do with it.

He trusted his Gran to mind it for him and now you've taken it and won't give it back.

RabidAnchovy · 16/06/2012 21:27

He is 13 and went home crying Confused

I do not think you have been unreasonable at all, poor bloody fish.

MIL won DS1 a fish at a fair, I was livid as pets are not prizes and only a moron would think it a good idea.
We ended up having George the fish for 8 years, it out lived pet shop brought fish.

mamalovesmojitos · 16/06/2012 21:28

YABU if he won it and wasn't expecting it. He's only 13, he wanted some help from his granny and I think that's perfectly reasonable. Feel sorry for him tbh.

ShullBit · 16/06/2012 21:39

The goldfish which I won at a fair when I was so young, I don't even remember, died when I was 16. Well outlived any shop bought fish that I have known of.

I do think you are being unreasonable. He is 13, and hardly like he planned to get it with no tank or food and not like he could of went out and bought them himself. He trusted his Gran to look after it for him for a few hours, and is now being punished by keeping it from him Confused

Why can't you buy your child one? Then DN can rightly have his own back, and your DC can have their own. Or at least buy a replacement for DN. They are only £1.99 in my local Aquarium, so not much.

gamerwidow · 16/06/2012 21:48

YABU no-one asked you to take it upon yourself to buy a bowl,gravel and food for the fish you could have just as easily left it in a bowl of water and let DN look after it later.
You've basically stolen the fish because your DS has taken a liking to it. Give it back and get DS his own fish.

Original poster
gobbledegook1 · 16/06/2012 21:56

pjmama no he would not have been able to get it a set up himself short of someone offering to buy it for him and taking him home to help him sort it which my mum wasn't prepared to do and by the time it got to me he was god knows where.

WorraLiberty the fair was on the local park so I assume council owned? The bowl I put it in was far too small for it to stay in for long, he dumped it and vanished to god knows where with mates so not like I could have taken him to get stuff and set it up at his house as I didn't know where he was and had my own plans with my kids and animals and by the time my sister would have got home it would have been too late for her to do anything about and as he had already stated they had nothing to put it in it would have no doubt been left in the bowl until some point tomorrow. Yes he won it however he could have a) chosen not to play (it was an almost certain win it was hook a duck) or b) he could have chosen any one of the other prizes on offer (their weren't just fish) knowing he wouldn't know what to do with it. They were also selling small fish bowls on the stand he won it from to put them in so if he was going to choose a fish he should have surely made sure he had enough to buy one of them also.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/06/2012 22:01

Fair enough but the fish would have been fine in a bowl overnight until he spoke to his Mum and they decided what to do with it.

As it is, you've effectively stolen it from him and I don't blame him for being upset when he gave it to his Gran to look after.

That's me looking at it totally from his POV.

maddiemostmerry · 16/06/2012 22:01

Do you have a pump and filter? If not the fish will most likely die anyway.

At 13 your dn probably seem very old compared to your 3 year old, but he is actually still a child and not really able to plan to the degree you seem to expect.

Talk to you sister and see id dn is still upset.

Original poster
gobbledegook1 · 16/06/2012 22:04

shullbit & gamerwidow I didn't want a bloody fish I have enough to deal with without a fish. It wasn't just for a few hours though was it it was the most part of the day at which point if my sister had nothing more suitable to put it in it would have been all night and most of tomorrow. I did not have to buy the stuff but I did because I didn't want to be responsible for it suffering or dying.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 16/06/2012 22:07

I got a goldfish at the school fete about 8 years ago.. it is about 5" long now and thriving very well... and lives in a tank with 4 silver dollar fish, who have also lived long beyond their average life span so far..

Original poster
gobbledegook1 · 16/06/2012 22:08

Just to add my sister is not a pet person and my Mum was of the opinion she would go mad at him and not want to spend the money on sorting it out, she has just spent several months trying to re-home his bloody terrapin because no-one wanted to be responsible for taking proper care of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
gobbledegook1 · 16/06/2012 22:12

Squeakytoy My BIL's fair fish lived to 20 and turned pure white with old age. My DP also had a fair fish which he gave to his in-laws and that is huge too and about 6 years old at present.

OP posts:
ShullBit · 16/06/2012 22:14

If it had of been me, I would of spoken to my sister, explained, and no doubt if she agreed to keep it, reimburse me of the money I had spent and came to collect.

Considering you seem to not even want it, why don't you sort it out with your sister rather than taking it out on a child?

Original poster
gobbledegook1 · 16/06/2012 22:24

I couldn't speak to my sister as she was at work and is hard to get hold of when she is working as she generally doesn't pick up her phone and I was on my way out when I got landed with it and don't have a mobile to keep trying her whilst out and so I did what I felt best for the fish as I had no choice but to wait for her to get back at which point DN came up alone to collect the fish which is now in a tank that he wouldn't be able to carry.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 16/06/2012 22:26

oh look on it as something that was meant to be Grin, your little one loves having a pet, and it wont cost a fortune to keep it!

ShullBit · 16/06/2012 22:26

That's is what I meant though, ring her directly and speak to her about it now she isn't working. See whether she is even prepared to take the fish on and reimburse you.

Noqontrol · 16/06/2012 22:33

Yeah agree, ask sister if she'll give you money for the tank. If it was my dn I'd have probably given him his fish back plus the tank, and asked him save up to pay me back or something. Or it could have just gone in a bowl til he decided what to do with his mum. Bless him, I think you were unreasonable tbh.

peeriebear · 16/06/2012 22:34

My first thought here is this- perhaps your DN genuinely hadn't got a clue that the fish would sicken and die if left in the bag too long. It's in water, right? I'd bet a lot of 13 year old boys would assume that a fish in a bag of water will be fine because they wouldn't know about levels of usable oxygen etc. He wasn't being cruel, just thoughtless, and is probably really disappointed.
Our annual town fair has goldfish as prizes on every other stall, poor things. The stallholders have the fish in the hook-a-duck water as well as already bagged and hanging up, which gives the impression that the fish are content to stay indefinitely in the bag, when the truth is simply that the stallholder doesn't give a shit if they die!

ThreeForTea · 16/06/2012 22:36

Sorry op, think you are b u and mean. It's not his fault that his mum was at work, 13 year olds can be irresponsible but it doesn't mean they don't love their pets!

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