Being unreasonable never felt so good

[stella1w]

Had a friend with two kids the same age as mine (four and one) come to stay for a few days during which her four year old dd has been totally rude, oppositional in general and often plain mean ro my dd. Culminated tonight with me cooking shepherds pie for them when they got in at 8 after sightseeing. Her dd wouldnt touch it. So we got her chicken nuggets. Wouldn,t touch it but threw a temper tantrum when told she couldn,t have ice cream. So her mum let her have ice cream. She then threw a tantrum because it she didn,t like the bowl. I took it away from her and then her mum got angry with me. And i said she was a brat. I apologised to both of them and accepted i was out of line. But i still feel liberated from the farce of pandering to this little tyrant.

ooh is there a frosty silence??

I would be embarrassed if my DD behaved like that esp in someone else's house. I don't think you are BU!

That's bang out of order calling her a brat

She's 4yrs old, she's been site seeing in shit weather, kept out until 8pm and then given dinner even later than that...in a strange house too.

You should have kept out of it and let her Mum deal with her instead of trying to score points.

Unless your kids are perfect after being dragged round all day and fed late at night?

not condoning her behaviour in the slightest (and like you i'd have taken ice cream away)... but she's 4, she's been out until 8pm... she's going to be tired and grumpy and hungry no??

She's 4, she's tired, of course she's going to behave like a brat. From this evening, she's not the one in the wrong.
As to the rest of the stay, dunno - depends what happened, but I can see that having another kid to stay with you who's "mean" to your DD would be grim.

Did the mum know you were cooking shepherds pie? If yes and she hadn't said "oh x doesn't like that but I will do something for her" then your nicer than me as I wouldn't have cooked an alternative.

You shouldnt have called her a brat but the mum shouldn't give in so easily IMO

Friday afternoons/evenings are always tough-going in our house. My almost-4yo DD is always shattered by Friday and gives me a very tough time. Come to think of it, she refused tea yesterday as well. I'm not sure I'd blame anyone for that though, it's just the way it is.

Her behaviour the rest of the time sounds like more of a problem.

Even if she does like Shepherd's Pie, she might not like the OP's Shepherd's Pie as it might taste completely different.

No child is a brat based on just one incident. But it does sound as if this child is a brat. As manufactured by her mother.

In my house, dinner is dished up, if you don't eat it, there's no pudding - if you have room for pudding, you have room for dinner, and when you ask for pudding, your dinner plate will be put back in front of you.

I wouldn't put up with this from a 2yo! If they are guests in your house, they follow YOUR house rules. The mother should have fed her DD while they were out if they were out past a meal time, or made sure she was back by her DD's usual meal time.

If any of my DC were that rude, I would have insisted they apologise to their host, and NFW would I have been rewarding their rudeness with ice cream.

Child sound like a spoiled little madam to me!

What if DD was unsettled due to unfamiliar surroundings? My DD 2.5yrs - is great if at home/GPs/childminder but may be more 'excitible' if out of her routine

In my house, dinner is dished up, if you don't eat it, there's no pudding - if you have room for pudding, you have room for dinner, and when you ask for pudding, your dinner plate will be put back in front of you

What if the child thinks the food tastes vile for example?

Yup... I apologised. She had had a nap late afternoon btw. I,d noticed her bad behavior got worse when she hadn,t eaten, so i have been making sure she is being fed a lot and her mum admits she forgets to do so. But it,s been nonstop screaming fits for every single reasonable request. We all dance circle round her, eg she has a fit cos my dd is winning at pairs so my dd hands over her cards, or she locks my dd out of a room, pulls her hair and calls her mean. Her mum,s response is that we shd embarrk on a day trip keeping our dds apart. I know her mum shd discipline her but at the same time there are basic rules of politeness when a guest and throwing hissy fits over bowll colour is not on. But i shd not have called her a brat.

Did you not know that your tummy can only accept so much savoury food beer needing pudding, it's a well known fact by all 4 year olds.

Guess we know where some food phobias come from :)

Beer should read before

Actually OP as soon as I read, "Had a friend with two kids the same age as mine (four and one) come to stay for a few days"....

I knew that was going to be a recipe for disaster.

One of the worst things 2 friends can do is have children the same age and the second worst thing they can do is throw those children together for any length of time.

Each Mum will nearly always think their child is in the right and the other child is not.

I've seen many a friendship end over things like that and yet at the end of the day, the kids are just kids...it's the Parents who can't seem to see it.

She is always like this. I have stopped staying with them because of how she treats everyone. She just wants to be contrary and get her own way. Sadly my dd adores her. Apparently she was listening to her body by refusing to touch her mains before icecream.

God I loathe 'house rules'.

You shouldn't have called her a brat but you know that. I suspect they won't come and visit again.

Well your DD may adore her but sadly you obviously can't stand her so for the sake of your friendship with her Mum, I wouldn't spend any more overnight time together.

CouthyMow your house sounds fun

You called a guest a brat ? I'd be on the motorway heading home by now. Hope she is the forgiving type.

I was going to come on MN to ask what I shd do when you like your friend but her dd is dreadful last week... Should have done so..
I have tried to limit playdates to short periods at good times of day but my friend kept texting to demand to meet. She has already extended her stay by two nights.

House guests are like fish, they go off after 3 days even if you are the best of friends.