Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Being unreasonable never felt so good

66 replies

stella1w · 15/06/2012 22:18

Had a friend with two kids the same age as mine (four and one) come to stay for a few days during which her four year old dd has been totally rude, oppositional in general and often plain mean ro my dd. Culminated tonight with me cooking shepherds pie for them when they got in at 8 after sightseeing. Her dd wouldnt touch it. So we got her chicken nuggets. Wouldn,t touch it but threw a temper tantrum when told she couldn,t have ice cream. So her mum let her have ice cream. She then threw a tantrum because it she didn,t like the bowl. I took it away from her and then her mum got angry with me. And i said she was a brat. I apologised to both of them and accepted i was out of line. But i still feel liberated from the farce of pandering to this little tyrant.

OP posts:

gettingalifenow · 16/06/2012 11:47

The problem is clearly the other mother - I'm surprised she didn't immediately remove herself and her kids from your house and that would have been problem solved!

'Listening to her body' ffs..

Icelollycraving · 16/06/2012 12:54

I like the listening to her body phrase :o
Some kids are brats tbh!

Original poster

stella1w · 02/07/2012 23:33

a couple of clarification points. The "listening to her body" comment was from the mother, not the kid!
I did not mean to call her kid a brat - it slipped out in the heat of the moment after the mother got angry with me.
I certainly didn't feel good about calling her kid a brat, but what DID feel good was the huge sense of relief that the years-long charade of putting up with this child would now be over.
This child behaves like this all the time - it wasn't a one-off because she was tired. She has been exactly like this in her own home as well as others for years and years.

OP posts:

my2centsis · 03/07/2012 04:27

Op this 1 incident the child was acting brat ish and I would be very imbarresed if I was the mother. She definitely wouldn't of for ice cream.

And ignore worra she always thinks her view is the only right one.

my2centsis · 03/07/2012 04:28

*embarresed

lovebunny · 03/07/2012 05:05

That's bang out of order calling her a brat

no, its not. the kid's a brat. her mum needs to know. her mum is a mannerless oik for allowing such behaviour.

LadyWidmerpool · 03/07/2012 05:23

Lots of perfect parents on here, well done all.

OP if you had lost your temper when this child upset yours I would have sympathised but because she didn't like your food/crockery - not so much.

MsPaperbackWriter · 03/07/2012 05:34

You need to sit down and tell her mother that you cannot let your child be around a child who is allowed to act in such a bad way. I'd also explain to your dd that the little girl does not act in a very nice way and to choose nicer friends - a good early lesson for her. Choose to play with people who are Bice and not ones who hurt you and are nasty to you. Don't condone the brattish behaviour of this child.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 03/07/2012 05:40

I agree couthymow's house sounds like a real fun place.

IDontDoIroning · 03/07/2012 06:52

Mum is definately the problem.

She rings/texts persistently for OP to spend time with her and won't take no for an answer. Has extended her stay by demanding to do so.
Fails to feed her child regularly ( see OP post at 22.41) .
Fails to pull her dd up on bad behaviour.
Expecting OP keep cooking until a meal met her dd's requirements.

I doubt very much OPs dd adores this child - I would be finding some nicer friends for her, ones that don't expect to win every game or pull her hair and shut her out of rooms.

Why didn't she feed her before getting in ... It was after 8 which is late for a child that age.

It's no wonder the child behaves badly

Sorry OP I wouldn't be spending time in their company if I could help it and certainly not in my home.

exoticfruits · 03/07/2012 07:23

I think that the big mistake was offering chicken nuggets as an alternative - you were rather colluding with the mother's way of handling. If you are going to continue to be friends then I think that you ought to keep right out of it and leave to the mother. You served shepherd's pie - you had done your bit- ignore the rest and let the mother solve it. If she resorts to you, just shrug and say 'well - you can do some bread and butter' and let her get on with it. Same with the bowl - keep out of it or at a push just remove it and say 'what a shame' and offer the others seconds with it.

KazzaRazza · 03/07/2012 07:44

I'm with Worra on this one.

I find it really sad that people feel it OK to call a 4 yo who is in a strange house, being given dinner late at night, who has an ineffectual mother who has admitted she forgets to feed the child regularly, a brat.

She clearly doesn't know right from wrong or how to behave at someone elses house, as she hasn't been taught.

LilBlondePessimist · 03/07/2012 07:48

I have a friend whose child is an out and out brat - the kind who receives appalled stares when out in public and it is starting to make me not want to spend any time with her tbh. She constantly gives him chocolate and sweets to appease his tantrums and rarely picks him up on his cheek to other adults. In fact she gets quite snippy if anyone suggests that he should perhaps eg. Pick up his toys when we are leaving an establishment, because 'oh he's a stubborn boy' (when he has just screamed 'NOOOOO' in your face). In short I would probably quite like to tell her that her boy is a brat and will be very surprised if someone doesn't at some point. :)

KazzaRazza · 03/07/2012 08:01

Lil, why put the blame on your friends DC. She is clearly an ineffectual mother so rather than calling the child names why don't you tell her how it is.

The DC has only learned it's behavior from the mother.

Maamekin · 03/07/2012 08:12

I feel sorry for the girl as well. She's 4, tired, hungry, a bit overexcited perhaps, in a strange house, being given food she doesn't like.

4 year olds are unreasonable sometimes - mine certainly is. They are only 4.

I'm happy for others to pull my child up on any bad behaviour (though also mortified because I think I should have got there first!) I wouldn't be happy with someone calling my child names.

And imposing "rules" about food on your guests isn't really the mark of a great hostess. I would say it's up to you to offer a meal, but not your concern whether your guests (child or adult) actually eat it. Serve a meal, don't start cooking alternatives, don't withhold puddings from guests.
Although frankly I think you should have served cheese and crackers and a banana and got the children to bed asap.

LilBlondePessimist · 03/07/2012 08:17

Kazza you're right - I think what I meant was that I'd like to tell her that she has made her child into a brat. (Although me, being me, will probably never say it, but someone will). The other thing is, her slightly older child is nothing like this - polar opposite in fact, and always has been.

Flip

1 2 3