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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to call the police?

92 replies

loveulotslikejellytots · 15/06/2012 10:23

I went out last night for a family meal, lots of us there as it was my Brothers 21st Birthday (DB1). Everyone was drinking except DH, we live 20 minutes away, taxi's are too expensive so we always take it in turns to drive.

My Younger Brother (DB2 - not Birthday one!) was drinking all night, from 7pm until he left at 10:30pm, so he'd had at least 4-5 pints. As he got up to leave I asked him how he was getting home, he said he was driving. I told him he was being stupid and asked (in front of everyone, but quietly) why my Mum and Dad weren't trying to stop him or why they hadn't taken his keys off of him when they arrived. My Brother started sulking a usual and walked off, I was told not to make a scene.

This is a regular thing with my Brother, and my parents refuse to do anything about it. The main reason for that is my Dad will also drive home after a night out. His arguement being it's only about a mile (true) and he's been driving for years and never had an accident (also true). But it still doesn't make it ok!!!!!

So I went outside and phoned the non emergency Police number. I gave them all his car details and where he was going. Unfortunately he wasn't pulled over, the police probably didn't have time to see him driving as it is only a short distance home.

My Dad found out that I phoned the police and called me this morning. He's really angry with me and has told me it was "a bit twattish" to do that to my Brother. He also drove home (and had quite a bit to drink) and if I'd known that I would have given them his details too, but I thought they were getting a taxi. He's really angry at me.

I dont think i've done anything wrong here. My Brother will one day either kill himself or god forbid kill someone else. My Dad's lucky he hasn't already, it's pure chance he hasn't been caught either. I just dont understand them, they do this on a regular basis and let it bloody happen!!!! Beside the risk to themselves and other people on the roads etc. my Dad could lose his Job if he lost his licence.

DH and my Nan agree with me, but WIBU and apparently a twat to call the police? To be honest I dont really care if I am, I am just so angry with them all.

OP posts:
HoobleDooble · 15/06/2012 12:06

YWDNBU! Years ago I unwittingly gave a lift to someone who was being watched by the drugs squad (didn't have a clue, I was just dropping someone I'd 'known' for about 10 years off at his mates house - which was also being watched!). For weeks after I was randomly pulled over for the vaguest of reasons (doing the speed limit at 2 in the morning, a building had been broken into nearby and my car fitted the description - got searched on that occassion).

I thought I was just being unlucky until I went out one night with a group of friends, one of which's husband was a police officer. I happened to just mention that I'd seem a lot of his colleagues lately, he checked and apparently my registration number was on the system as suspicious! He later asked me about my dealings with my 'friend' and sorted the whole thing out for me, haven't been pulled over since! Hopefully they'll be watching your brother's car now.

gwenniebee · 15/06/2012 12:12

Definitely YANBU.

I split up with my first proper boyfriend because he and his father both used to get sh*tfaced and then drive home. My xbf has since done time for drink driving, although it doesn't seem to have stopped him. At least there were a few months after I left him that he seemed realise it was big deal.

There is no excuse for drink driving - you'd call the police if they said they were going out to knife someone, so why not when they're in possession of a different lethal weapon?

griphook · 15/06/2012 12:15

I think what you did was very brave and hopefully it might stop him doing it, and save his and others lives.

Your family should be furious with him for drink driving on the first place and should be ashamed of themselves fit not acting befote

IloveJudgeJudy · 15/06/2012 12:24

Very well done, OP! As for some asking why you didn't give them a lift - why should you? You've been responsible and not drunk, why can't they, or take a taxi. I'm sorry that your family have been nasty to you and hope that you are able to deal with them.

I'm surprised your younger DB didn't have a driving thing from the police at school/college. DS1 had a hard-hitting presentation in Y12. It really shocked him and his friends and gave them lots to think about.

Unfortunately, I think what happens is either it's acceptable in your social circle or it isn't. It definitely has never been in my social/family circle, luckily.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 15/06/2012 12:30

Good for you!

Theres too many people die on the roads as it is without some people actually choosing to drink drive.

headfairy · 15/06/2012 12:33

Well done OP, I can't believe there'll be a single person on here who won't think you did the right thing. As someone who's family was devastated by a drunk driver I wish more people would do it.

AdmiralBenson · 15/06/2012 12:34

YWNBU. My close friend's brother was made a tetraplegic at the age of 26 by a drunk driver who was 'only' driving two miles home.

ComposHat · 15/06/2012 12:36

YANBU - there is never an excuse for drink driving and the fact your dad and neither are prepared to endanger other people's lives rather than walk 20 minutes is doubly shameful.

Keep on calling the cops intolerant one or both of them are nicked.

ProdigalMNer · 15/06/2012 12:44

YWDNBU! Good for you.

I have been in similar situations with a friend who lived within walking distance of where she'd been drinking (WTH?!) and, years ago with ILs. I stood up to them and they accepted our offer of lifts rather than driving home in the end. However, I told them in no uncertain terms that I would call the police if they drove under he influence of alcohol.

It is a zero-tolerance stance in my book.

AKE2012 · 15/06/2012 13:00

Too right id phone the police. I am pretty sure that you can get charged with being an accessory coz u let him drive and did nothing to stop it.

I hate drink drivers.

Would your parents and family support your father or brother if they killed someone while drink driving.

Keep doing it. Keep doing it until they realise what they are doing is wrong.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 15/06/2012 13:05

yanbu. you are being responmsible. you may get your brother into trouble fo drink driving, but it will be a LOT less trouble than if he causes an accident. also how would you feel if he killed someone and you could have done something about it.

Sidge · 15/06/2012 13:09

The only twats here are your dad and your brother.

There is NO excuse for drinking and driving. None.

I'd actually call the police again and give them both your brother's and your father's registration numbers and tell them they frequently drink and drive. Hopefully they'll be pulled before they kill someone.

Being family doesn't excuse you from following the law.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 15/06/2012 13:09

Yanbu. WHo would have been a twat if they'd hit and kille or maimed an innocent person? I would have done the same to my sibling.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 15/06/2012 13:10

Tell your Dad that next time you won't call but neither will you scrape your brother up off the road when he hits a lampost and gets killed. It's disgustng that your DF drink drives too!

ComposHat · 15/06/2012 13:14

grassing up your family is one thing

Squeeky - unless the op's brother is Michael Corleone, I don't think she is going to whacked.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 15/06/2012 13:14

YWNBU but very brave. I've called the police on a friend who drove whilst drunk... she hated and hated and hated me for it, but I don't think she's done it since.

wfhmumoftwo · 15/06/2012 13:15

Personally i applaud you to stand up to him. You should call the police everytime he does it. You have tried to make him see sense and the risk with other peoples lives and he chose to ignore it.
I found drink driving abhorrent and the devastation it causes is immense. Well done and keep on doing it until he gets the message. you have nothing to feel guilty about - its his behaviour and attitude that needs to change not yours

higgle · 15/06/2012 13:19

When I was a solicitor ( for 23 years ) I was duty solicitor in several courts. I met people who had done some retty reprehensible things but the only ones who never had any real mitigation were the drink drivers. Every time one of these offences is committed there is a real risk not only of death or serious injury to someone else but also of loss and suffering to their own family. There is never any excuse at all for this type of offence and I'd be straight on the phone to report anyone I suspected of it.

applepieinthesky · 15/06/2012 13:27

YANBU OP. Well done for doing the right thing! I would report them everytime it happened until they are caught.

Birdsgottafly · 15/06/2012 13:31

If you are going to 'grass them up', IMO you should have the courage to tell them that it was you, otherwise it would be two faced to give them sympathy, when they lose their jobs and possibly end up in the local paper.

You need to tell them honestly that it cannot continue in front of you and you will be obliged to report it, it isn't fair to watch them get drunk and do it without them knowing, if they have done this for years, with your knowledge.

AdventuresWithVoles · 15/06/2012 13:38

I bet taxi would cost less than 5 pints.

quoteunquote · 15/06/2012 13:54

massive thank you loveulotslikejellytots,

having had friends killed by drunk drivers, I really appreciate it when people make an effort to stop the selfish bastards that think it's OK to risk others lives, I am watching three children grow up without parents, as they and three friends were killed, M6 some years ago, by a selfish drunk bastard.

I have in the past taken peoples keys, disposed of them down drains, or thrown them onto roofs, in order to prevent them driving whilst pissed or on drugs,

If your brother cannot understand the potential consequences of his choices do everything in your power to stop him,

I opened the bonnet of a friend's car and dismantled the part of the engine , as he was planning to drive away from his sister's wedding almost unable to walk, got a fair bit of abuse for that, and threatened with the police, my response,"feel free, I would love to stand up in court and explain why", funnily he chose not to phone the police, so I did and reported myself, the police thought it a wise thing to of done, It's taken over ten years for friend to come to me and say he thinks I did the right thing.

A car is a lethal weapon, no one would think twice if someone drunk was waving a shotgun around, you can do far more damage with a car, people driving cars kill more people than people with guns do.

I think the law needs to be changed and anyone caught drink driving receive a ten year ban first time, and have to retake their test, and twenty year ban on the second, only then will people really think hard about their choices.

TroublesomeEx · 15/06/2012 13:58

I'm going to add my voice to this.

YANBU.

If they're worried about the consequences of being caught drink driving, they have it entirely within their power to avoid that happening.

There's no need to drink and drive.

I would be open about it though, and tell them that you will report them every time it happens.

ToryLovell · 15/06/2012 14:10

YWNBU - they have other choices than to drink and drive.

They can not drink.
They can get a lift.
They can walk.
They can get a taxi.

My friend was in a car hit by a drunk driver. Her Mum died and her sister lost her sight. My ex was in a car hit by a drunk biker, his sister was in a coma, his Mum broke a leg and my ex had to stem the bleeding from his Dad's head while he waited for the ambulance, his Dad died in his arms.

The victims don't have any choice.

ladymariner · 15/06/2012 14:29

YWDNBU.....and I think you should be applauded. My friends DB got hit by a drunk driver at the age of 21, ended up having both legs amputated. I absolutely hate drink drivers with a vengeance.